To think its NOT ok to call any child a cheeky little B*!£ard

[woowoo2]

Saturday morning I gave ds (5) some dried apple with toffee sauce (out of the graze box)

DP (not ds's dad) asks him what he is eating and ds says 'mummy said it is dried apple, but its dried mango and I don't like it'

DP tells him it is dried apple, and ds shouted in the face of dp 'it is dried mango and I don't like it'

DP totally lost it then with ds, shouting 'if you don't like it don't eat it then you cheeky little bastard'

DS is in tears at this point and I said to dp (quietly) 'dont say that to him'

DP went mental at me then, saying if I want him to treat my ds and his dds equally, then I shouldn't undermine him and he will call him that because he will say it to his dd's.

My response was that they are not MY dd's to tell him not to call them names, but ds IS my child and I donlt like the name calling.

Cue another dramatic response of 'oh now its my children and your children blah blah blah'

AIBU?

Of course you're not being unreasonable

Sorry but he sounds like a dick

No you re not being unreasonable. Your child, your rules. Plus he swore at him which is never on especially to a five year old. DS should not have to be in tears in his own home because your partner chooses to treat his children like that. Tell him it is not negotiable, he does not shout and swear at your son. If you son is shouted at and sworn at in his own home, how will he know that is wrong, and that he should not behave like that to other people.

YANBU

And you are with this man because?

My DH is the father of my youngest but not my eldest and he wouldn't dream of speaking to either of them like that, if he did (which he wouldn't) I would rip his head off regardless of which child it was.

They are children and should not be spoken to like that.

Your DS was cheeky and should, imo, have been disciplined for speaking to an adult the way he did but absolutely not in the way your DP handled it, he over-reacted and was totally unreasonable.

I do agree with my dp in that ds was very very cheeky and should abosolutely not have shouted in his fae.

Even cheeky little bugger would have been better in my eyes, its just that vile word

I am at a loss as to how I can have a different set of rules for my ds to his dd's without causing a huge argument.

Yanbu.

Nobody, irrespective of their connection to the child, should be speaking to him in that manner .

You need to have familybrules that you all agree and which applies to everyone in the family. And that should include not shouting in people's faces, and not swearing.

Family rules, obviously.

'Cheeky little bugger' is still name calling. It's childish and takes away any kind of authority from your DP imo.

I'm sure you would be angry if your child's teacher called him a 'cheeky little bugger'?

There shouldn't be a different set of rules, he shouldn't talk to his DDs like this either

so do you want him to parent your kid or not?

you may not agree with his choice of words - thats a separate issue - but are you happy for him to discipline and guide him? Because if you are, I think he has a point - you saying MY DS is wrong

How long have you been together and do his daughter's live with you?

What seeker said.

But shouting in an adults face is not being a 'cheeky little anything' it is just bad behaviour and need quietly correcting, shouting back hardly makes the point that it shouldn't be done.

Does you dp behave like this often?

Worra, we have lived together for 6 months. His dd's are with us 3-4 nights a week

I DO want him to parent my child, yes. And generally he does an excellent job which I can't fault.
I DO discipline his daughters when we have them too, but wouldn;t dream of approaching it in the way he did on saturday.

What I said was 'they are not MY dd's to tell you NOT to call them xyz' as in, how can I tell him not to discipline his dd's in a way he see's fit just because I don't like it with my DS. Yes, I disagree with his approach, but it is still not my place IMO.

Did you not think about this before he moved in? Or did you never hear him speak to his DDs like that?

no, I have never heard him speak to any child that way. He has never even shouted at my ds before. He tells him when he is naughty and is normally better than me at staying calm and followin through with punushments etc

Good god, if any man spoke to my son this way they would be out of the door before they could intake breath. He sounds like a bully. It's irrelevant whether he's not acted like this in the past, he's showing you what he's like now. The honeymoon's over dear. I hope your ds is OK.

Then you're going to have to make it clear to him that no-one is to call your child names.

If he decides to call his own children names, well I suppose there's little you can do to prevent that sadly.

Either way, it needs to be sorted out now before it continues.

If my dh spoke to my ds's like that he would be picking his spine up off the floor!

Sounds like a real charmer, OP.

Would be a dealbreaker for me! No one would ever get away with saying that to my child, never mind how upset he was in his own home where he needs to feels safe.

No you should call kids cheeky little bastards even though yours does sound like one!

The worst bit for me would be the bit where your DP thinks it's ok "because he calls his DDs that". What kind of father refers to their children as little bastards? :(