to ask the lodger not to use the living room?

[EricNorthmansMistress]

I have a spare room and have advertised it to rent. I set the rent deliberately cheap for several reasons - to get interest quickly and also in order to find someone who won't mind not having the use of the living room. I said in the ad that they would be free to use it when I wasn't there (not very often! Apart from daytime). I also set notice period at one week. A guy has called (twice) and emailed and sounds very keen. He has a new job within walking distance and at the rent I'm asking he will be able to save a fair proportion.
He's coming over to meet us and see the room later. So AIBU to make it clear the rent is for the bedroom, kitchen and bathroom only? I don't want to be rude but I don't want a flatmate!

I don't think YABU. My ex lived in a house once where he couldn't use the living room, it worked fine. You'll probably find he'd rather not share your space when you're there anyway (no offence to you obviously).

As long as it's made clear and he is happy with that arrangement then no, YANBU but I think most people imagine a room in a shared house to be a room in a SHARED HOUSE. As long as it's made clear it shouldn't be an issue later.

Is the room he is going to be using big enough to use as a bedsit rather than just a bedroom?

YANBU to make the stupulation but don't be surprised if he doesn't want to spend every evening confined to the bedroom either. When renting a room in your house - unless it's some enormous place with wings - is that getting a flat-mate comes with the territory....

Yanbu. Dp had a lodger when I first met him and tbh it felt like dp was the lodger not the other way round. Make it clear from day 1 and you should be fine

Yes it's a decent sized double room, not a cell. I think it's ok as long as he's clear from the beginning (and I did say so in the ad). He's not from the UK and I'm hoping his cultural norms might mean he doesn't want to hang out with me anyway! The last guy that stayed here just watched movies and went on the internet in his room every evening. He just wanted to save money (though he was a friend of H and from same cultural background - a single man would not expect/want to hang out with a married woman. He did eat with us sometimes then disappeared to his room)
I won't be unfriendly, or ban him from the living room! Just don't want him spending all evening in there. I'd be happy to spend some evenings in my room with laptop and offer him the big TV/sofa - just not when I'm there...

A friend of mine lodged with a woman once who did let her use the living room - however, she put up a curtain halfway across the room and pulled it shut. So they would sit in their own "halves" every evening watching their own TVs. always made me laugh, imagining the two of them.

You are being completely reasonable if that's what you want. Your house, run it your way.

If he's not happy with that (frankly, I probably wouldn't be tbh - being stuck in one room all the time isn't appealing), then he'll not take it and someone else will.

PuppyMonkey - PMSL! Even if they were watching the same thing???

YANBU at all

Could you set up the room more like a bedsit than just a bedroom -- eg with a little table and a chair or something? that would probably make it more appealing to spend all evening in there.

Yanbu as long as you make everything crystal clear (in writing if necessary) right from the start. That includes use of living room but also eg washing machine, garden, overnight visitors or other potentially contentious areas.
I have twice been a lodger and only found it hard when they changed the rules part way through grrrrrr.

how will he cook? just curious
but yanbu rent is cheap for that reason, is room large enough to be a semi bedsit

YANBU. If you made it clear in the ad (e.g. 'lodger wanted' not 'room in shared house') then that's pretty clear, but I'd bring it up again in the interview. I've been to look at rooms before and not been clear on what the deal was. In each instance I asked, and if I was told 'No, the living room isn't communal, you get your room, kitchen and bathroom' then that was fine.

I agree with wompoo that you need to be clear about everything from the off, even things that may seem petty; it will save stress later on.

I'd also say (I'm sure you've addressed this) that it's worth making the room as comfortable and livable as possible so it's a nice place for your lodger to spend time. Desk and chair/armchair/ or similar can work wonders at making a room feel like a living space.

Good luck!

No no no he can use the kitchen of course! And the bathroom and the garden and have overnight guests and what have you. I just don't want him to be coming to watch TV with me in the living room in the evening. I think wompigeon has a good idea to put it all in writing. Very sensible :)

That's perfectly fine!

There are loads of people who love their own company and would be relieved at not having to interact with the housemates. Think of people who spend hours gaming or on the internet.

That's what you want!

I would not want to live with you, but Perhaps somebody would. I have always rejected rented rooms where it was clear I'd have no say in the decor on the walls or that living space outside of my room would be offlimits (I get claustrophobic if stuck only in bedroom & kitchen).
But good luck, I presume you'll be supplying a TV in his bedroom?

I would be very clear from the outset and now allow the living room at all. Otherwise, how will he know when its ok and when its not. And you also then allow the possibility of it getting blurred. For example you are out, he is in the living room, you come home... are you likely to say 'oh no, please stay, no problem'? It WILL be a problem then when you just want the living room to yourself.

YANBU, just be clear

yanbu, but set clear guidelines

I'd be happy to spend some evenings in my room with laptop and offer him the big TV/sofa

that could be confusing to the man as when he can and can't use the living room

Well ragged I already said someone else did live with me and was perfectly happy with the arrangement - so someone presumably will! Thanks Helena, that's a fair point.

Have I mentioned that the rent is deliberately cheap to make up for this? I'm not fleecing anyone. If someone wants flatmates and communal living they can pay an extra £15-25 a week for the pleasure somewhere else, and welcome.

There is a double bed, desk, bedside table, chair, wardrobe, PC with internet (can be removed if they have a laptop) and tv with DVD player in the room.

You shouldn't have to provide tvs or computers thats ridiculous!

Well I certainly wouldn't want to share your house - sounds ghastly!

Ghastly?
Not really. It's cheaper than a bedsit and more comfortable. For someone who either wants to live alone, wants to save as much as possible or can't afford better accommodation it's a good deal I think.

I think you are perfectly reasonable. You are being clear about what you are offering -they have a choice whether or not to accept. I fail to see how that is unreasonable, mean - or ghastly.

It is what it is. An offer to rent a room cheaply, with use of a kitchen and bathroom, and garden. Nobody is forced to take it if they don't want to.

A "house share" and a "lodger" are not synonymous. There is a bit of confusion on this thread about the difference between the two. A house share is just that - you get to use all the communal areas in the house (ie everything except the bedrooms/bathrooms other than yours). A lodger rents a room and enough access to the bathroom/kitchen to make his/her life liveable.

Sounds fine, I would actually be relived if I wanted the room since I hate being social with people I don't know that well. The thought of actually being expected or allowed to coe socialise makes my skin crawl but I would worry about seeming rude if I hid in my room. OP YANBU.