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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel short changed by feminism?

309 replies

ThroughTheRoundWindow · 03/09/2011 21:09

So here's the thing. Back in the day the young women of the baby boom generation demanded the choice to work or care for their babies. some of them went out to work, and because their families had two incomes they could afford to spend more on their houses and on filling them with consumer goods.

But more families with more money pushed up the price of houses.

Roll on a generation and it is impossible to afford a mortgage on one moderate income. To pay for a house you both need to work. Well that isn't true, we could have either bought a ex-council house on a dodgy estate, or I could have married a much richer man. (But we couldn't bring ourselves to raise a child on an estate and I fell in love with a council employee).

Had a been born a generation earlier my husband's local government salary would have paid for our modest house in an unfashionable suburb and I could (if I had chosen) have given up work to care full time for our family. Instead I have no choice - I have to return to work and leave my baby in daycare.

Without feminism I could have done what comes most naturally to me and been a homemaker. Feminism stole that option from me. Now I have to leave my baby to be raised by a stranger and go out to work in a job I care nothing for and get nothing (except a salary) from.

Ok, a little maudlin from too much beer, but someone explain to me why I am genuinely unreasonable to feel this way?

OP posts:

moonferret · 04/09/2011 00:00

Annie I'll take you seriously as it's your first post here. Yes, it's a great shame, it was a good debate. And yes, I did all of those things in my first post, before a certain person (who you strangely didn't mention) started to derail it.

And no, unlike a certain person, this is the only name I've ever had here.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 04/09/2011 00:02

moon, I answered your points. The fact you had nothing to say rather suggests you couldn't argue back. Which wouldn't surprise me ... the argument is based on a very poor grasp of history, logic, and cause and effect.

moonferret · 04/09/2011 00:02

LRD, I already have. She had a go at me about the difference between "formal" and "former" when I've used neither word in any post. As you said, resorting to critisising English first is pathetic enough, but when you've got it totally wrong yourself, it's very pathetic.

moonferret · 04/09/2011 00:03

criticising*...

stripeybump · 04/09/2011 00:04

Moon - didn't you ask HereB about a former name and said 'formal name' instead, which was why she and others were amused? The post has now been deleted as you shouldn't be identifying posters' previous names - conveniently allowing you to deny your error.

moonferret · 04/09/2011 00:04

LDR, I'd have easily dealt with your points. Sadly, the thread had been derailed by a certain person by that point. And no, my argument is based on a very good grasp of those things...

LRDTheFeministDragon · 04/09/2011 00:05

Sorry, but it really isn't. You don't seem to know any history at all!

I'm off to watch Dr Who, which ... disturbingly ... I suspect will bear more resemblance to reality than the views of 'history' certain people advanced on this thread.

AnnieLobeseder · 04/09/2011 00:06

That's interesting, because your style is very like moondog's. First post? Um, no it isn't.

I'm endlessly baffled by the posters who seem to be posting that it's a bad thing that women went out an got and edukashun and jobs and bought their own houses and stuff. Cos that means fewer jobs and more expensive houses for the menz, innit.

Or (and I hope this is the case), merely pointing out that the possibility exists that increased house prices are a possible unfortunate side-effect of life now being better for women than at any point in human history. Like slight nausea being a side effect of a drug that cures all known types of cancer.

moonferret · 04/09/2011 00:08

stripeybump No, I didn't. Here is the exact quote from the post in question:

HereBeBollox, are you the same person as "HerBex" or something like that, as you sound similar. It's about half-way down page 3.

So that person actually invented a "mistake" to have a go at me about! I've never known anyone do that before, not even here!

AnnieLobeseder · 04/09/2011 00:08

ROFL that moonferret thinks someone else derailed the thread.

PS, LDR, I've just finished watching Dr Who. A bit meh IMO.

moonferret · 04/09/2011 00:08

OK then Annie, your first post bitching at me. Happy now?

AnnieLobeseder · 04/09/2011 00:10

Wow, moonferret, persecution complex muxh?

AnnieLobeseder · 04/09/2011 00:10

*much

moonferret · 04/09/2011 00:10

And no, Annie, I have never been "moondog". How many more times?

moonferret · 04/09/2011 00:11

As I said Annie, I stand up to abusers. As we know, many people like a "fight club" like this. Yourself included...

fastweb · 04/09/2011 00:11

Thanks marriedinwhite, you are right about viewing the glass as half full. I do have an awful lot. Glad I am not the only one to feel this way though.

I do accept that feminism has won us many things, but I don't think people recognise that it has lost us quite a lot too. Those of us under about 35 will have been through our whole education being told that men are equal to women and that we have sexual and economic freedom.
fastweb you are right that we can no
longer be legally raped by our husbands, but it is still the case that most rape cases end in an acquittal. Maternity leave is wonderful but stunts the careers of women who take it (women are massively under represented at the top of every industry). Sexual freedom seems to mean the media can treat women with as little respect as before but with more nakedness.

.........

The above lack is down to too much feminism, or still too much male oriented power base being clung to ?

I say the latter and it strongly indicates we should keep going.

AnnieLobeseder · 04/09/2011 00:12

That's fine, I believed you the first time. Just pointing out an interesting coincidence.

Tortington · 04/09/2011 00:13

im going to post in answer to the op. not read the rest of the thread but theres bound to have been a ruckus i needd to catch up on...

ok op here i go...
"Without feminism I could have done what comes most naturally to me and been a homemaker. Feminism stole that option from me. Now I have to leave my baby to be raised by a stranger and go out to work in a job I care nothing for and get nothing (except a salary) from. "

what you are saying here is that you are ignorant of the fact that working class women and children always worked, in factories or on farms.

so you are therefore stating that this 'working' business has suddenly become compulsory for the lower middleclasses?

is this the argument ? feminism has made it compulsory for lower middleclass people to work?

no even feminism cant lay claim to that my friends, capitalism has done that and lets make no bones about it.

noblegiraffe · 04/09/2011 00:13

Another way that feminism has short-changed women is that they might now be expected to split the bill on a date.

Damn you feminism, for stealing my free lunch.

AnnieLobeseder · 04/09/2011 00:13

Though I'm interested as to how you think I'm fighting with anyone. I usually try to mediate in these type of arguments.

moonferret · 04/09/2011 00:15

Is there any way of ignoring people here? I mean so that their posts don't appear on screen. Thanks in advance.

stripeybump · 04/09/2011 00:17

I don't think so Moon but if you find it let us all know

moonferret · 04/09/2011 00:17

Your first post to me *Annie" said "do you feel you've achieved anything?".

Sounds like trying to start a fight to me....

Crosshair · 04/09/2011 00:17

You could just ignore their posts or do something else?

garlicnutter · 04/09/2011 00:18

If you could do that, moonferret, it just wouldn't be mumsnet!

Each thread would be a confection of mini-threads, where everybody agreed with one another but interspersed by ten other mini-threads of pals.

Just like a facebook comment thread, in fact. Here, if that's the way you prefer things, register at facebook.com

Helpfully yours

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