to feel short changed by feminism?

[ThroughTheRoundWindow]

So here's the thing. Back in the day the young women of the baby boom generation demanded the choice to work or care for their babies. some of them went out to work, and because their families had two incomes they could afford to spend more on their houses and on filling them with consumer goods.

But more families with more money pushed up the price of houses.

Roll on a generation and it is impossible to afford a mortgage on one moderate income. To pay for a house you both need to work. Well that isn't true, we could have either bought a ex-council house on a dodgy estate, or I could have married a much richer man. (But we couldn't bring ourselves to raise a child on an estate and I fell in love with a council employee).

Had a been born a generation earlier my husband's local government salary would have paid for our modest house in an unfashionable suburb and I could (if I had chosen) have given up work to care full time for our family. Instead I have no choice - I have to return to work and leave my baby in daycare.

Without feminism I could have done what comes most naturally to me and been a homemaker. Feminism stole that option from me. Now I have to leave my baby to be raised by a stranger and go out to work in a job I care nothing for and get nothing (except a salary) from.

Ok, a little maudlin from too much beer, but someone explain to me why I am genuinely unreasonable to feel this way?

Ha ha ha at the idea of my house being full of consumer goods or matchy bits and pieces. It was a probate sale and the vendors kindly let us keep a lot of the contents. Most of the consumer goods previously belonged to a 90 year old women. The furniture too. Nothing matches but the patterned carpets are at hiding crumbs!

you dont have to justify to anyone your house decor,and if the sums tell you need to work,thats just how it is

its a mn oft touted quip that you can downsize to eke out existence on one wage.the value beans, no consumer goods,no fripperiess.in order that mum doesnt need to work

It would have been a fecking nightmare if I hadn't returned to work. DH was on a temporary contract, hoping to be made permanent, when dd was born. I earned much more than him. Him leaving to be SAHD would have killed his new burgeoning career stone dead. (He did a degree in his 30s)

Bless him, he knows I am hating my job at the mo, and said he would support me to retrain. But I am a bit doubtful about how many companies want a retrained nearly 50 yo, and would prefer to keep my pension up. He only has 11 years to go! I have thought though, maybe I could squeeze in a year out to do a FT french course though. If I can become truly fluent it would open up opportunities whilst still in my 40s....

I feel cruel to join the bandwagon being mean to poor Carmina, but really, you have to realise that all those things you're doing each day are purely busywork, don't you? Completely unecessary.

If you want to be a SAHM, that's wonderful and your choice. The primary role of SAHP is to take the pressure off the WOHP, allowing them to work late, go to conferences, do less housework when they get home. As such, they save money on childcare and cleaning and so contribute meaningfully to the family finances.

But don't pretend cleaning your skirting boards and boiling your sheets is important, it's a hobby.

Annie - I know you're right, it's a habit I've got into and I know a lot of it is unnecessary - I spend about 3 hours a day just cleaning and tidying.

I do think Feminism (whichever flavour one subscribes to today, I tar them all equally :o ) is letting today's generations down - when I think of what they fought for in the past - equal treatment for education, right to vote, legal equality of property/asset ownership, right to work, right for equal pay, right for access to family planning - these were Big Things.

Today it seems (IMO) to have fragmented into multiple subgroups, with quite a lot of infighting and grasping moral high ground (to shout from) on various minority sports - and thus often losing support of the mainstream woman - and they just don't seem to be focussing on the big issues anymore, which IMO are around areas like:

• good quality childcare access for working mothers
• equal economic treatment for the person bringing up the children
• sorting out the mess that casual/part time work has descended into

For example...

I would also have to suggest that if you think feminism isn't addressing issues you would like to see addressed, join an organisation and get campaigning. It's a bit rich to reap the benefits of other people's work and then complain that they aren't working for you in a satisfactory manner while doing nothing yourself.

Throughtheround.. yes definately prompted a good debate, nice that you're able to reflect on you original position too. Well played!