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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To suggest a male friend comes to a party with me, rather than DH?

38 replies

create · 03/09/2011 19:26

It's been organised by a sports club where friend and I are regulars. The stars of the club will be there and I'd like to go.

My friend likes a party and is a good dancer. DH hates parties and would hate this one, where he'll have nothing in common with anyone, even more than most. Friend's DW (probably) likes a party but has no interest in the club/sport, which is why we've been taking both our DCs together for last 5 years

We're good friends and have had fun together are parties before (were collegues long ago) and I know DH and friend's DW have nothing to worry about, but anyone seeing us together at the do would probably assume we were a couple. I'm sure DH would have no objections - will just be relived not to have to go, but not sure how my friend's DW might feel. What do you think?

OP posts:

CubiksRube · 03/09/2011 19:51

Why not ask your friend to see what his wife thinks?

Personally I would have no objection to DP going to a party with a female friend, as long as she wasn't some bombshell who had just turned up on the scene in a haze of Chanel No 5. Old friends, work colleagues and the like, I have no issue with, and DP has no issue with me going to parties with male friends, or solo dinners with male friends.

If you both want to go, and neither of your spouses want to go, just go and mention that your friend will be there. You don't have to go 'together' necessarily.

spiderpig8 · 03/09/2011 19:59

YABU and disrespectful to your DH.If it's a club where you are a regular, why do you need to go with anyone?

TidyDancer · 03/09/2011 20:05

spiderpig8, don't be so ridiculous!

YANBU, create. You should go with whoever would enjoy it more (since DH wouldn't enjoy it, it's a nobrainer!), just make sure your friend's DW is okay with it. Obviously there is nothing to worry about, but just check she's fine with signing over her DH for the evening!

spiderpig8 · 03/09/2011 20:07

Why is it ridiculous-don't you think people will talk???

Original poster

create · 03/09/2011 20:09

Why disrespectful spider? If DH wanted to go I'd be thrilled, but he doesn't. He would go, for me, if I made a big thing of it, but he wouldn't dance or enjoy himself, which would annoy both of us.

We sit in the crowd among 100s of others every week. Say hello to other regulars who sit close by, but don't "know" anyone as such. It's a dinner dance and tickets need to be booked, so yes I do need to go with someone (or not at all)

OP posts:

post · 03/09/2011 20:11

Why don't you ask your friend and his wife, if they'd both enjoy it?

Original poster

create · 03/09/2011 20:11

TBH spider, I doubt whether either of us are interesting enough for people to talk, but if they did both DH and my friend would find it as funny as I would. Not sure about friend's DW though (don't know her well)

OP posts:

CubiksRube · 03/09/2011 20:12

create, if you need to go with someone or not at all, go with uyour male friend, and have a wonderful time!

I think it's bloody sad that people can't be friends with the opposite sex without 'people talking'. Just ... grr. Go, have a great time, and your DH will appreciate not being dragged to something he'd have loathed.

birdsofshoreandsea · 03/09/2011 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Helltotheno · 03/09/2011 20:13

YANBU at all. I'd have no prob with dh doing this and vice versa. Hell I even went out with an ex one night who came back to stay in our house afterwards (own room of course!).

CubiksRube · 03/09/2011 20:15

Helltotheno, snap! An ex and I go out for dinner and drinks regularly - sometimes DP comes, sometimes he doesn't. But he's never sitting at home wringing his hands and assuming hanky panky is going on

OP YANBU at all.

Original poster

create · 03/09/2011 20:20

No, birds I don't really know DW at all, We met a couple of times at work dos years ago, but I'm not likely to see/talk to her without making a special effort to do so.

Post, you may have hit on the reason I'm not sure about it. Of course I could (should?) ask if they both want to go, but I don't want his DW to come. The whole point is that I need a dance partner.

OP posts:

TidyDancer · 03/09/2011 20:20

Ooh, people might talk, better hide away, eh create?

Spiderpig8, honestly, why care what other people think? It's only smallminded morons who think men and women can't be friends without shagging.

post · 03/09/2011 20:30

So is it formal 'partner' dancing? I didn't really know what dinner- dance meant. Not just usual , music playing, you dance?
And a lot of the evening will be dinner..
Would you and his wife both want to dance every dance? It's just, otherwise, it sounds a bit like you want to go with him as a 'couple', and be seen as a couple.
Are you being completely honest with yourself about your motivation here?

Original poster

create · 03/09/2011 20:49

I don't think it will be quite SCD, but it is fairly formal (black tie) and I think most people will be couples. My motivation is definitely that I need a partner. I'd prefer it was DH TBH, but this will man will make an interesting and entertaining (but really really not attractive) subsitute

OP posts:

mynewpassion · 03/09/2011 21:02

I think its fine as long as you and your DH have talked about it. You can't speak about your friend and his wife. She might want to go.

If she's fine with it, then its cool for you both to go together.

Original poster

create · 03/09/2011 21:48

Ok, so I'll just have to ask! DH will be fine about it. It's my friend's DW I was concerned about and he will need to make sure it's Ok with her. I just didn't want to cause a fuss if it was a real no-go. Thank you all.

OP posts:

DeSelby · 03/09/2011 22:48

It sounds like a date. I wouldn't be keen on my DH accompanying you.

magicmelons · 03/09/2011 23:11

Hell would freeze over before I let my dh go to a black tie event with another woman I didn't know very well as her date.

respite · 03/09/2011 23:15

I am astonished that you need to ask this question.

WHy ever not?

assuming neither partner wants to go, go with your male friend as suggested

SevenAgainstThebes · 03/09/2011 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2rebecca · 03/09/2011 23:28

If it's a sports club you attend and you are taking your children to the party (not clear if children just do the sport with you or are coming to the party too)then I don't see why you need to go with anyone. Why can't you just go alone or with your kids and meet people there?
I'll often go to sporting social dos without my husband, but I don't partner up with another bloke, I just go and meet people there. Why can't you book a ticket on your own or are they only selling them in pairs, excluding single poeple?

jasper · 04/09/2011 02:20

YANBU.
ideal solution

solidgoldbrass · 04/09/2011 02:34

I would not go to a party where I had to have a 'partner' for the evening in order to be let in as a matter of principle, because I can't stand Noah's Arker events. However if you are all good mates and all that, why not say to your male mate that you would like him to be your fallback dance partner at the party if he and his wife don't mind.

LeBOF · 04/09/2011 02:40

I agree with SGB- what sort of event is it that expects you to attend in couples?

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