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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To suggest a male friend comes to a party with me, rather than DH?

38 replies

create · 03/09/2011 19:26

It's been organised by a sports club where friend and I are regulars. The stars of the club will be there and I'd like to go.

My friend likes a party and is a good dancer. DH hates parties and would hate this one, where he'll have nothing in common with anyone, even more than most. Friend's DW (probably) likes a party but has no interest in the club/sport, which is why we've been taking both our DCs together for last 5 years

We're good friends and have had fun together are parties before (were collegues long ago) and I know DH and friend's DW have nothing to worry about, but anyone seeing us together at the do would probably assume we were a couple. I'm sure DH would have no objections - will just be relived not to have to go, but not sure how my friend's DW might feel. What do you think?

OP posts:

solidgoldbrass · 04/09/2011 02:45

The bottom line is: it's certainly fine not to drag your H along when he doesn't want to go and wouldn't enjoy it, but not fine to try to shunt your mate's W out of going when she would actually quite like to go (from what you have said about her fondness for parties and dancing). You are not entitled to ask your friend to put your wishes above those of his DW, when her wishes (to go to the party) are not unreasonable (eg for you never to be alone with friend or for him to stop playing the sport because she doesn't like it).

ZonkedOut · 04/09/2011 03:25

You definitely have to find out what the other DW feels about it, if she wants to go or doesn't want her DH going with you, then you shouldn't go with him. If she doesn't want to go and doesn't mind, then don't worry what everyone else thinks.

Maybe she will want to go, but doesn't mind sharing him with you as a dance partner or something like that. I'm not sure how the event works, but if it's not specifically for pairs, why not go alone and get dances with other people when there anyway?

Original poster

create · 04/09/2011 16:15

Of course he can't go with me if his DW wants to go. From what he says I don't think she'll want to go, but if she does, then obviously he must take her. I don't know her so I can't know if she'll want to go or not. If anyone involved has any concern whatsoever, then I wouldn't consider it.

Initially respite, I felt like you, "why on earth not?" but from some of the replies on here it's obviously not that clear cut (which is why I asked)

I don't think it's unusual to "want" to be accompanied to a do like this. It's not a condition of entry LeBOF, but I do think it would be a bit uncomfortable to turn up alone. Apart from my friend there won't be anyone else there that I have more than a nodding aquaintance with

The children won't be there. They come to watch the sport with us, but this isn't a family event

OP posts:

post · 04/09/2011 19:16

If your friend and his wife were both to go, would you feel like you were alone?

2rebecca · 04/09/2011 19:42

If you are only casual acquaintances with all the other people there apart from the man you want to accompany you then why are you so keen to go?
If my husband wanted another woman who i knew he saw socially regularly to accompany him to a dinner dance type event because she would be the only person he really knew there then i would suspect that the only reason he wished to go was to be with her.

solidgoldbrass · 04/09/2011 20:53

I think people who won't go to social events alone are a bit wet TBH.

PercyFilth · 04/09/2011 21:48

If you are only casual acquaintances with all the other people there apart from the man you want to accompany you then why are you so keen to go?

Perhaps it's the dancing that is the attraction. If the OP enjoys dancing and her husband doesn't, is it so hard to understand why she wants to go, and why she wants to go with a dance partner? Formal dances are not very common these days. Most people will attend as couples, and I'm afraid a solitary woman would find it near impossible to get men to dance with her because their women would view her with suspicion.

Never ceases to amaze me how so many people on here see things in black and white.

2rebecca · 04/09/2011 22:11

Is it formal dancing? I presumed it was casual dancing, if formal ballroom then that is different, but as it's described as a "party" I would have though ballroom dancing unlikely.

PercyFilth · 04/09/2011 22:20

To quote OP: "I don't think it will be quite SCD, but it is fairly formal (black tie) and I think most people will be couples. My motivation is definitely that I need a partner."

I don't think it matters whether it's the Tango or the Twist I think the point still stands.

solidgoldbrass · 04/09/2011 22:24

Now I was rather of the impression that at dinner-dance type parties it's considered a bit common only to dance with the person you are later hoping to shag, and that good manners is to dance with as many different people as possible.

PercyFilth · 04/09/2011 22:52

I wouldn't know.

Original poster

create · 05/09/2011 20:20

Thanks Percy, you're right of course, but the main reason I want to go is that I'm a fan of 40 years' standing and the players will be there. I might get to dance with one of them!

OP posts:

PercyFilth · 05/09/2011 22:03

Aha, I didn't realise it was that sort of sports club, I thought it was a sport you played yourselves rather than as spectators .... well good luck, i hope it works out and you get to go and have a great evening! :)

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