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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

girls dont want to play

128 replies

greengirl87 · 03/09/2011 12:53

I know i probably am, but aibu to be upset that the older girls 7,5 and 4 playing out in my street dont want to play with my daughter (almost 3)? shes been excited all morning to go out and play with them, so we went out and she went over to find them and ask them if they wanted to play with her. They all just ignored her. Thier mum then asked the 5yr old if she wanted to come and play and her sister told her not to. My daughter didnt understand why they wouldnt talk to her or play with her.
The whole thing just made me feel really sad for her. I understand they are abit older, but could they not of just played with her for 30mins?

OP posts:
HeyYouJimmy · 03/09/2011 15:52

BTW there's nothing wrong with letting kids play out at 1 or 2yo. The sooner they start enjoying exercise through play, the better for them.

MmmmmCake · 03/09/2011 15:53

anyway OP arent you just as guilty of ignoring her and not talking to her, by squabbling on the internet

pigletmania · 03/09/2011 15:53

YABU at all. The age gap is a load of poo, there is not much of an age gap between the 4 year old and the op dd. My dd 4.5 (SN, dev delay of 2 years) gets on much better with older children than with the younger ones. She loves my friends dd 6.7 years, and also my other friends dd who is 8. They are lovely with her and make so much effort. There is nothing wrong with kids being polite and not rude. Not talking to somebody and blanking them is downright rude imo and should not be tolerated whatever the age.

pigletmania · 03/09/2011 15:54

meant YANBU

pigletmania · 03/09/2011 15:55

Heyyoujimmy I think that playing outside in the streets is a bit young for a 1 and 2 year old don't you think. There would need to be constant supervision.

pigletmania · 03/09/2011 15:56

At least the children should tell her that she is a bit little to play, especially the older one.

ballstoit · 03/09/2011 16:03

YABU. It's a lot to ask kids you don't kknow well to have their game spoiled by a 2 year old...and that is what generally happens.

At 4+ the other girls would be able to share, engage in imaginative play, and make plans for what will happen next in their games. As a mum to a 4 and 2 year old, I'm really surprised that other posters think they can play well together. DD1 tolerates DD2 playing 'with' her, as long as she does as she's told and doesn't destroy the plans that she has for her game. I don't expect her to play with DD2 if she doesn't want to, and definitely wouldnt expect her to entertain someone else's child for them.

NoobyNoob · 03/09/2011 16:03

I don't think you are being overly UR. It will be the age difference though, my little boy is 18 months and is always trying to hang onto the older children at any soft play things we go to.

Fabby Your responses to this thread however, are unreasonable. Please enlighten me as to why you are being so utterly rude?

festi · 03/09/2011 16:12

I think YABU to expect the other children to play with her, But I dont think you are BU that you feel the children should not have ignored her, but the other mum did intervien and so she was not actually ignored then.

I sent a child from across the street on my culdi sac away from my door when playing with dd as he was not yet 3 and I didnt think it appropriate that my dd and her friends who are 5 should be playing with a child that age out in the street without direct supervision. This childs mum was sitting on her door step so I sent him back over to her as I was not able to supervise him properly at my end.

Hmm at fabby being chavvy sitting out watching your children with thier toys, what a horrible pharse anyway, but how can sitting out investing time with your children make you violent.

GypsyMoth · 03/09/2011 16:14

Bakelite......glad to hear it.

SouthernFriedTofu · 03/09/2011 16:14

YABU they are having fun and shoudln't have to play with a boring 2 year old,. Your job is to find friends that are suitable for your dd. I wouldn't really wnat my child playing with a 7 year old at that age anyway

StrandedBear · 03/09/2011 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

festi · 03/09/2011 16:33

just to add children sometimes dont want to play with other children even if they are the same age, you just cant force them. The important thing is not focusing on that childs rudeness etc, but on how your children are equipt to desaling with this.

My dd was playing in the park and another girl a year older befriended each other, out of the blue the other girl began to act all brass and and a bit leary with dd saying go away, stop following me. DD did become a bif miffed, but she also kept then following the girl and calling her.

I did call dd over and explain, that she now needs to leave the girl alone as she is begining to pester her. I also said the girl was being a bit over grumpy but thats her problem and dd should not follow her around now she has said she doesnt want to play. DD was fine and realised it wasnt anything she had done wrong but the girls own downfall. que 5 mins later the girl was sitting on the swings crying to her mum she had no one to play with, whilst dd was happily playing with the girls younger brother getting on with it unaffected by the rejection.

BakeliteBelle · 03/09/2011 16:37

Perhaps the OP is shocked not at the fact she's being told she's U, but at the tone of the YABU comments. You can always guarantee a string of rude, aggressive answers on here until a few more reasonable posters start chipping in.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 03/09/2011 16:38

How well does she speak and understand? I have 3 girls 6, 4 and 2 when the 6 and 4 year olds are playing it is alot of imaginative play, the playhouse goes off to far off lands etc which they develop using any objects to hands (screws I was using almost became jewels Blush!!!) but what I'm getting at is when they play with their younger sister the games change and become much more physical on the slides or bouncy hoppers or scooters etc and she joins in. They may have been in the middle of something that she just would be too young to be involved in.

Really at this age it is easier to get a friend over to play.

halcyondays · 03/09/2011 16:42

I have a 3 year old and she plays with 4 and 5 year olds,including her sister who's 5, with me supervising. There are lots of children in our street from toddlers to around seven who nearly all play out, there are always parents out supervising the younger ones. It doesn't appear to be cramping the older kids' style in any way. HmmPeople have some really strange views about children playing outside with others and playing with different ages remember when I was about 7, I played with children who were 3 and 5 and sometimes with older ones of about 11, as well as some my own age.

If either of my children ignored another child who was trying to speak to them I would tell them off and most other parents I know would do the same and encourage them to be friendly. That said you can't force them to be her friend. Hope your dd finds someone nearby to play with, op.

SenoritaViva · 03/09/2011 16:47

I think the OP was defensive about everyone querying her parenting (assuming unsupervised/cars etc.) as the question wasn't about whether appropriate for her DD to play out but the actions of the girls. She has come on and accepted that perhaps the girls shouldn't be 'expected' to play with her DD. She also accepted that she didn't have much experience with children above the age of 3.

cathyscarlett · 03/09/2011 16:48

YANBU. When I was 5 and my sister was 2 we played happily in the street with another set of sisters aged 4 and 6, and when I was 2 my mam happily let me play in the street whilst she pottered on in the garden. Nothing bad ever happened, and the younger kids were usually incorportated easily into any games.

pigletmania · 03/09/2011 18:17

I cant believe how people on here think that its acceptable for a child to be rude, fair enough they don't want the little one to play with them, but there is no need for rudeness its not acceptable.

pigletmania · 03/09/2011 18:19

They should at least acknowledge the girl, say hello and be polite, and just carry on playing themselves, not to blank her

FemaleYouNicked · 03/09/2011 18:23

YANBU

I live in a similar square and all the kids play together while we stand around chatting. From toddlers up to around 9. I love it.

MrsRhettButler · 03/09/2011 18:29

because southmum i think its ridiculous for dc to not know that not responding to someone is rude. of course its rude, it doesn't matter what they are doing, ignoring another person is rude whatever the age.

GypsyMoth · 03/09/2011 18:31

Yes but sounds like the mother intervened,she tried to get them to play...... So what is the problem? The adult stepped in.....

pigletmania · 03/09/2011 18:38

What if had been a child with SN, so not quite on their level developmentally, or just someone they did not want to play with, its fine to be rude and ignore then Hmm or to be rude to them, instead of trying to be polite. As i said they don't have to play with them, but can be polite, they will need to learn this for life later on.

pigletmania · 03/09/2011 18:41

I would most certainly expect a 7 year old NT child to display some degree of politeness