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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

girls dont want to play

128 replies

greengirl87 · 03/09/2011 12:53

I know i probably am, but aibu to be upset that the older girls 7,5 and 4 playing out in my street dont want to play with my daughter (almost 3)? shes been excited all morning to go out and play with them, so we went out and she went over to find them and ask them if they wanted to play with her. They all just ignored her. Thier mum then asked the 5yr old if she wanted to come and play and her sister told her not to. My daughter didnt understand why they wouldnt talk to her or play with her.
The whole thing just made me feel really sad for her. I understand they are abit older, but could they not of just played with her for 30mins?

OP posts:

southmum · 03/09/2011 13:37

OP she'll have forgotten about it all by now and like I said it really wont be long before she'll be old enough to play with them and then you'll be wishing that she would come back inside.

now go and make cornflake cakes dammit

MrsRhettButler · 03/09/2011 13:41

and i dont agree that the girls are too young to understand that its 'nice to be nice' ffs my dd knew how to be polite from the moment she could talk!
I dont understand these parents who let their dc just ignore other childrens friendly advances, my dd was always going up to other dc in parks or wherever (some her own age, some older, some younger) saying hello and being completely ignored and most of the time the mother would be stood there helping on the climbing frame or whatever and just didnt seem to care that dd would be stood there saying hello over and over and then looking all puzzled as to why she was being ignored.

luckily dd has VERY thick skin and she's still the same now.

Original poster

greengirl87 · 03/09/2011 13:44

mrsRB- my daughter has been brought up that way too i guess thats why i was so miffed when they didnt talk to her.

OP posts:

pixielicious · 03/09/2011 13:47

OP, well done for taking her to the park, and I now also see that it must have been a bit confusing for both you and your DD when they had played with her the previous day! Children are unreliable, and can change their affections towards different toys and people on a daily basis. Knowing this now, you shouldn't encourage the playing with them to become a regular thing, but given the previous days' events, it was an easy mistake to make!

eurochick · 03/09/2011 13:51

YABU.

It's just the age difference. When I was a kid I hated it when we had to take my best friend's little sister (two years younger) out to play with us because her mother wanted her out of the house for a couple of hours.

southmum · 03/09/2011 14:01

Er MrsRB - whats with the shitty 'ffs' comment? IMO and experience just because one persons little darling has been polite from the moment the umbilical cord is cut doesnt mean that others are (and that doesnt mean if they are not that they are rude either, they are kids ffs ). (IMO and IME) kids at that age, especially the 4yo, can be pretty absorbed when playing and IMO and IME most dont understand that they can cause offence by ignoring others.

Raahh · 03/09/2011 14:11

Unfortunately, it's just the way it is. my ds is 8.5, and dd, just 5. This is the first year that dd has played outside (it is the kind of area where all the houses face each other, and the roads are at the back,iyswim, so very safe for cycling and playing). There are a couple of girls who will play with her (but they are much older, and get bored). Ds has friends who don't want to play with dd1- dh thinks this is wrong, but I can see their point of view. DD1 is very thick skinned and prefers her own company though, tbh!

Almost 3 is like a different generation to children who are 4/5 and 'big girls' at school. As for nearly 9 years old boys like her brother...! I'm not saying it is right or fair- but give your dd a few years ,and she may be the one not wanting to play with the babies.

Raahh · 03/09/2011 14:15

(and there are 4 years between dd1 and dd2- so i can already see the day when dd1 no longer wants to be seen playing with her baby sister!)

Floggingmolly · 03/09/2011 14:24

She's far too young, for both playing with those age groups and 'playing out'. Who let's a two year old play out????? And why?

Mowlem · 03/09/2011 14:40

Sorry, but I agree that she is too young. My eldest goes out to play at 7, occasionally I take my 4 year along too. But even at 4 (almost 5) she is too young to join in properly and I wouldn't expect my 7 year old to have to entertain her sister.

SardineQueen · 03/09/2011 14:40

They played with her yesterday. So they're not rude and evil then - they're just children, and little ones at that!

GypsyMoth · 03/09/2011 14:41

Op DID say that a PARENT tried to get a child to play, so op dd wasn't actually ignored was she?!!?

GypsyMoth · 03/09/2011 14:42

And yes, they played yesterday!!!!

BakeliteBelle · 03/09/2011 14:54

How fantastic to have a car-free square. The person who said playing out breeds kids who hang out on street corners is just wrong. What an odd thing to say - ignore them and all these people who think that she is too young to play out, especially since you have said you are with her all the time.

Keep going out there with her OP. You could bring toys for her to play with and you can play with her. That way, she will gradually become a familiar figure to the other children without cramping their style. They probably know each other and have particular games they play that do not involve a 2-year-old, but it doesn't mean she won't come into her own and be able to join in eventually. If they are the sort of kids who are snooty about outsiders, (get used to it, it goes on forever!), then invite a friend of her own age along so she has company and doesn't feel left out. Keep going out there with her though and remember AIBU is a place where people will attack you without reading your posts properly

FabbyChic · 03/09/2011 14:59

That would look real chavvy sitting outside your house with all your kids toys and your kid playing.

It is not a prerequisite to life to sit out the front of your house trying to get other kids to play with your child.

Bakelite those kids who cause lots of problems are the ones who are out on the streets day in day out hanging around on street corners. Children should be going out when they have something to do football, park, cinema not because the parent does not like them staying in doors.

GypsyMoth · 03/09/2011 14:59

Her posts were read properly!

You say they 'probably know each other' op says they DO all know each other......read the op posts properly eh!?

ChippingIn · 03/09/2011 15:01

Bakelite - well said!

Purpleprickles · 03/09/2011 15:08

Fabbychic just interested did you play outside when you were younger? Just wondering because I played put all the time along the street (this was many years ago) with a group of friends and to the best of my current knowledge none of us grew up to hang around on street corners. Not sure how you have come to these conclusions?

GotArt · 03/09/2011 15:18

The two older girls, if they were really keen on toddlers, then a few minutes playing about is good but don't force it on them. The four year might be more interested if she was on her own, but she is playing, (probably new to her) with the older girls.

I didn't get the impression you were tossing your child out to play in the street.

I too think its ridiculous to say if a child starts hanging around outside at too early of an age "It breeds children who end up hanging around on street corners."

BakeliteBelle · 03/09/2011 15:18

'That would look real chavvy sitting outside your house with all your kids toys and your kid playing'

Wow. That's really quite odd Fabby and a bit vile to call people chavvy. Remember the good old days when we all played out with our toys/bikes/prams for hours? Obviously not.

BakeliteBelle · 03/09/2011 15:21

'You say they 'probably know each other' op says they DO all know each other......read the op posts properly eh!?'

Major error on my part, TIFFANY. Thanks for pointing it out. I've just got some birch twigs and flogged myself for that.

spiderpig8 · 03/09/2011 15:32

We usd to live in a cul de sac where all the children played out and all the parents came out and watched and chatted and took it in turns making cuppas for the others.
The littlies (some waaayyy younger than your DD) would bring a ball or a push along toy or little rideon, to play alongside the older ones.

HeyYouJimmy · 03/09/2011 15:37

I also think it's great to see kids playing out at a very young age and enjoying themselves. I have also found round my area that the younger the kids played out, the fitter and slimmer they were, than other kids who were kept indoors until 4/5yo. Where I live we believe in getting kids to exercise at a very early age and so quite a few kids have been playing out from 1yo alongside the adults (we only let the kids have movies PS time when it's raining). TBH YABU to expect older kids to play with your LO, but YANBU to ler her out to play.

birdsofshoreandsea · 03/09/2011 15:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MmmmmCake · 03/09/2011 15:50

why would a 7 year old be interested in playing with a three year old, with a mum in tow

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