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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

girls dont want to play

128 replies

greengirl87 · 03/09/2011 12:53

I know i probably am, but aibu to be upset that the older girls 7,5 and 4 playing out in my street dont want to play with my daughter (almost 3)? shes been excited all morning to go out and play with them, so we went out and she went over to find them and ask them if they wanted to play with her. They all just ignored her. Thier mum then asked the 5yr old if she wanted to come and play and her sister told her not to. My daughter didnt understand why they wouldnt talk to her or play with her.
The whole thing just made me feel really sad for her. I understand they are abit older, but could they not of just played with her for 30mins?

OP posts:
Original poster
greengirl87 · 03/09/2011 13:22

their parents were out supervising them and i think its ridiculous to suugest that playing out in the street breeds children that hang around on street corners! I am presuming then that as your child played in the street he now hangs around on street corners?
I am getting defensive because people seem to think that i am throwing my child out into a busy road to be babysat by a bunch of children! This is not at all what was going on i just think that so many people on these threads just want to have a go at someone and make them feel crap!

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 03/09/2011 13:23

Well what do you actually WANT from this thread op?Confused

FabbyChic · 03/09/2011 13:23

Ha ha. I hang around on street corners, I played out in the street, at 15 I was hanging around drinking in garages.

My eldest stopped going out when he was 13 he outgrew it. he is now with his degree working and is 23.

FabbyChic · 03/09/2011 13:24

She is a baby find baby activities for her to do. She is not old enough to join in with the activities of school children.

Acandlelitshadow · 03/09/2011 13:25

You "understand they may find her boring".

Do you feel obliged to entertain people you find boring when you don't have to?

Portofino · 03/09/2011 13:26

YABU. I ended up babystting by default a neighbour's 3 yo. It was a nightmare - my dd and the 2 girls from next door are all 3-4 years older and didn't want to play with her either. Nothing in common. I ended up sticking a dvd on.

SenoritaViva · 03/09/2011 13:26

I don't want to make you feel crap. I understand that you would have been outside in supervising in your car-less square...

My DD (aged 4) might have been interested in your DD but I know many wouldn't. The difference in play between the ages is immense and they see her as a baby/toddler not as a playmate. I agree that they could have acknowledged her or offered her a car but I think you are being a little sensitive TBH. Sorry.

Original poster
greengirl87 · 03/09/2011 13:27

i do feel obliged to be polite to people!

i just wanted to see if peope thought that this was rude to not reply or whether that is standard behavouir for that age.
Didnt think is was going to have my parenting called into question!

OP posts:
southmum · 03/09/2011 13:27

shes only a baby, the other girls are too young to understand that its nice to be nice, they just want to play at their own 'grown up' stuff and your DD and you hanging about will cramp their style Grin

It is hard to see other kids playing and you know your kiddie just wants to join in. I had to watch DS (2.5) in the garden on his little slide with only the dog tripping him up playing with him last week as my neighbours had a party in ther garden with a massive bouncy castle, loads of kids, party games etc and at one point he was just stood watching them through the wall (well, not through it, hes not superman, we have those decorative block things as a wall). My heart did sink a little for him, but the age gap is about the same as in your situation and it would be like expecting DS to be interested in playing cars with a newborn.

It wont be long before your DD and they are on the same wavelength. In the meantime why dont you go out, buy some cornflakes, some chocolate and make cornflake cakes? I defy any kid to not want to do that and it shits all over playing house in the street!

Sextilis · 03/09/2011 13:28

I take it your DD is your first. Honestly there is a huge (especially) to them difference between the youngest and your DD. To them she is a baby and of absolutely no interest to them. Tbh getting my 8 and 4 year old to play together can be difficult at times.

The mum was being nice by asking her 4 year old to play with your DD, maybe when she just has the 4 year old ask her for a play.

I suggest you get your own sets of toys and play with your DD, when the older ones see you having fun they may come over out of interest.
Also check out who on your street has a child of similar age and get them together or invite a friend over.

Portofino · 03/09/2011 13:28

I don't agree that playing outside is bad though, and would let her get used to being out there (with you) for short periods. I live in a cul de sac and all the children play outside in the street with their bikes/scooters etc. I think it's good to let them have a little bit of independance.

belgo · 03/09/2011 13:29

I had this all the time with dd1 (although I never let her play in the street, we live on a busy road anyway). She is a very social little girl and desperately wanted to play with older girls, and they never wanted to play with her.

You just have to learn that you can't force children to play with your child.

My dd1 is now 7 and she's the older girl that little girls look up to and want to play with.

pixielicious · 03/09/2011 13:29

OP, I don't agree with the others about the whole playing outside when you are supervising her thing, but you mention in your thread that your DD had been excited all morning about playing with these much older girls to only then be disappointed. Where did she get the idea that they were going to play with her from? Did she come up the idea of going outside to play with them herself, or did you suggest it? (that is not an accusation, just a genuine question). If you DID suggest it, YABU as it should have been fairly self evident that girls more than twice her age who don't even know her would not want a baby forced on them as a playmate. If your DD was the one who concocted, it might have been better to distract her with something else, and not encourage it. Why not take her to a playgroup or organise a playdate with another little girl her own age? Or if she wants to be outside, you could take her to the park!

GiveMeSomeSpace · 03/09/2011 13:30

PFB by any chance........

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/09/2011 13:30

OP, Your daughter should not be in the streets no, as many have said she is a baby and should be doing age appropriate activities.

There are parks with under 5 play areas, 1 o'clock clubs, tumble tots, soft play, you can do craft activities with her and yes outside, you may find that other children seeing you and your DD painting, modelling, glueing etc will wander over and join in.

What you were doing was effectively forcing your child onto them, this was a no goer from the off.

solidgoldbrass · 03/09/2011 13:31

They are only little children themselves! It's a bit much to expect them to indulge your DD (who they don't know) at the expense of their own enjoyable game.

fuckthisforalarf · 03/09/2011 13:32

Are you serious, my Dd1 (9)and her friends wont play with her own younger sister (almost 4), no way they would play with another 2yr old!
YabsoooooooooooooooooooU

MrsRhettButler · 03/09/2011 13:32

well i think the older kids were rude to ignore her actually, my dd and her friends would not ignore a 2 yo they would probably say hello and coo over her for a minute but i agree they would not want to actively play with her.

so yab a bit u but not about the rudeness.

Original poster
greengirl87 · 03/09/2011 13:32

thankyou for this advice this is what i was hoping for when i posted. she is my first, and i have zero experience of children 3 and older. i just find it hard to explain to her that they wanted to play by themselves. i ended up taking her to play in the park anyway so she had a good time in the end.

OP posts:
Original poster
greengirl87 · 03/09/2011 13:34

they had played with her for an hour yesturday and said they would see her today so she thought they wanted to play

OP posts:
MrsRhettButler · 03/09/2011 13:35

not sure why everyone seems to think the op's daughter shouldn't be outside really, op has said shes supervising, i live in a quiet cul de sac and there are quite often a couple of two yo out there toddling around or on their ride alongs being followed around by mum.

mum has a quick chat with the other neighbours, the dc play for a while then go back indoors, think everyones kinda jumping on the op a bit here

belgo · 03/09/2011 13:36

You did the right thing in taking her to the park. `

GiveMeSomeSpace · 03/09/2011 13:36

OP - if you're going to get upset by people telling you YABU, what are you doing on AIBU?

When your daugther is the age of these other girls, you'll probably realise that she simply won't be interested with intercting with unknown 2 year olds.

ChippingIn · 03/09/2011 13:37

I think it's lovely for them to be able to play out - it's so rare these days!

It's hard to watch your little one get 'rejected' and upset & it's a shame that they didn't want to play with her, but understandable - but frankly they were rude to just ignore her - I would have said something.

Lots of girls that age would like to have played with her for a little while - are there any other children in the street that you could ask?

Hopefully by next summer the difference wont be so great and she'll be able to join in more.

GiveMeSomeSpace · 03/09/2011 13:37

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