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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if becoming a mum has made you see your dark side?

75 replies

joannita · 30/08/2011 23:12

Just wondered if anyone else has realised they aren't as good a person as they thought since having a baby. Did you think you were patient and easygoing only to find you had a shorter fuse than most? Did you think you were organised only to descend into chaos? Does this stuff happen to everyone or is it just me?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 30/08/2011 23:15

I've found the total opposite to what you describe.

I've broken out of my darker side, found I have patience and a much longer fuse than I ever thought possible.

How old are your DC?

Original poster
joannita · 30/08/2011 23:16

ds is is 20 months. Glad it can happen in reverse!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 30/08/2011 23:17

My DD2 is 20 months as well Smile

Go with the flow, just go with the flow Grin

It'll all work itself out (got a 10 YO too and it really does in the end).

PegPolkadot · 30/08/2011 23:21

I would give Darth Vader a run for his money. My DS's are 8,5 and 2. Every now and then I am told to stop doing my 'angry face'. They are usually the cause of the angry face......

DuelingFanjo · 30/08/2011 23:26

It's made me realise how irritable I am.

Cheeseandharps · 30/08/2011 23:28

Same experience as AgentZigzag - I'm far more patient than I thought I'd be. I am a perfect mother though Wink

AgentZigzag · 30/08/2011 23:31

Oh yes cheesey, me too Grin

budgieshell · 30/08/2011 23:41

My 8 year old said to me the other day "mummy are you in one of your moods" I replied "No I'm not, sweetheart daddy's at work today".

All the time in the world for the DC but not for DH.

AgentZigzag · 30/08/2011 23:44

'My 8 year old said to me the other day "mummy are you in one of your moods" I replied "No I'm not, sweetheart daddy's at work today".'

hehe, love that Grin

AfternoonDelight · 30/08/2011 23:45

I have a much shorter fuse than I thought I did - I'm terrified I'm going to turn into my mother (who I always thought of as the "shouty one" as opposed to my father's easy going nature)

:(

HipHopOpotomus · 31/08/2011 00:00

I've learnt I'm much more patient than I thought too.

I've also learnt that the world is a much better place if we ALL get enough sleep.

wotabouttheworkers · 31/08/2011 00:06

Haven't had a full night's sleep for 25 years, ever since my eldest was born. Short fuse? What fuse? Just internalise it all, try my best to remain calm despite what I feel inside. Have a theory that's why I suffer badly from a skin disorder i.e. stress.

greencolorpack · 31/08/2011 00:09

I found a much more assertive side since having my first child. I remember telling people off for smoking next to me at bus stops when I was pregnant. Something I would never have done before. Also if I'm on a train and people are listening to loud music I will turn round and have words with them, while everyone else sits there looking terrified. It's always ended well (so far). People know they're in the wrong and tend to look sheepish.

For some reason I never did this before having kids.

Original poster
joannita · 31/08/2011 10:34

I kill insects now without feeling guilty! Ha ha! I used to release earwigs into the wild. Now I squish them. I reckon as I've given life it's OK to take it! That's terrible isn't it?

OP posts:
bigeyes · 31/08/2011 10:41

It hink becomming a parent causes you to evaluate who you are, int he process of teaching your child values etc, and sometimes you realise you need to practice some of them more often.

I think I could be more patient - but then how many times is reasonable to ask a five yr old to put there socks on before you get annoyed, Im sure the childless neighbours think i am a monster.

freybean · 31/08/2011 10:41

i like that logic joannita

i'e become a lot more laid back since having dd

BurningBridges · 31/08/2011 10:45

I have become a MONSTER!! Yep, definitely dark side I'm afraid.

FrameyMcFrame · 31/08/2011 10:50

I've found the reverse too but mainly because I was absolutely shite before I had my DC, utterly disorganised, selfish and lazy. My character has improved immeasurably since becoming a parent, best thing I could have done to kick myself up the backside Grin

biddysmama · 31/08/2011 10:59

im a very laid back person, hardly ever get angry etc but my 9 year old know exactly what buttons to press!!!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 31/08/2011 11:17

I've become more organised and better and time keeping, just because I had to!

I have realised though that I have no patience, a horrendous temper and really need my space!

YouDoTheMath · 31/08/2011 11:20

I found my dark side when I met my DH.

Since becoming a mother I have found a lighter side, I think.

Don't know about anyone else but since having children, if there's something nasty in the news or even something horrible in a film (i.e. certain types of violence) I can't stomach it like I used to. And bad things play on my mind a lot more.

Insomnia11 · 31/08/2011 11:28

I was always aware of my dark side. Come to the dark side, we have cookies :)

OK, I had never had my patience/ability to perform daily tasks on zero sleep/multitasking tested to the extent it has been since I had kids. I have seen a dark, angry side of myself - frankly I had seen it before, but physical privations can make it worse.

But, as others have said, having kids also makes you vulnerable, sentimental, more soft-hearted. I'm far more sympathetic, empathetic and less judgemental than I used to be, but I wonder how much of that is down to age/maturity and how much is unique to being a parent?

I'm basically still the same person I was as a child though.

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 31/08/2011 11:31

I discovered I did in fact have balls (metaphorically speaking Grin)
I was always a bit meek and wimpy before children I think. Then I had four..and number four is disabled and in order for him to be the best he can be I have learned to stand up for HIS rights, to fight for his needs and along the way I have lost my fear of what people may think of me! He has also made me a LOT more patient!

I have become organised, and something of a micro manager I suspect Blush which I needed. I've also learned that it's ok not to be perfect..me or them..:) I've learned utter, unconditional love ..which has been well and truly tested with mine all being teens now.

On the flip side I don't think I swore before I had kids Blush and I can be THE most unreasonable woman on the planet !

GooseyLoosey · 31/08/2011 11:35

Yes.

I have realised I am not a patient person and not tolerant of difference. Dd drives me nuts and I just cannot get the way that she thinks and it causes friction between us.

Ds has had problems making friends and is often the only child not invited to parties. As in many ways he is very like me, this has forced me to consider what about him or me may cause this. This has affected me badly.

I have also discovered I am far too introspective and should stop gazing at my own navel (or indeed ds's) and embrace the good things rather than the negative.

chandellina · 31/08/2011 11:36

i thought i might become less selfish as a parent - but not really. sometimes i just need time to myself, or to have a little bowl of nuts without someone else's hand sticking into it!