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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu... underwear for a 14 year old girl

41 replies

nancythursday · 30/08/2011 08:44

My 14 year old DSD came home last week (she lives with us) saying that her mum and grandma had seen her undies and said that she needed new ones, I buy most of her clothes and had recently bought her a load new bras, knickers and socks, so I knew she didn't really need any and just thought she must have been wearing some old favourites. Her mum very rarely buys her anything so we (DH and I) didn't say anything, even though there were lots of things she could have bought her, like new school uniform etc... her mum pays nothing towards her daughter, she did get her a present for her 14th birthday, but didn't get her anything last Christmas or for her 13th... so we were just suprised that she was being taken shopping.... so off they went, and i've just washed what they bought... 3 g-strings and a pair of black see through knickers!

Am I being unreasonable in thinking a 14 year old shouldn't be wearing see through knickers, or a thong? All her other knickers that either i've bought, or she's bought herself, are little shorts type ones. I've seen a couple of her friends getting changed and they all seem to wear the same type.

Her mum is prone to doing daft things, she gave her permission to get her nosed pierced at 13. My DH and I had said no.

OP posts:
VeraCanSignChocolateAndWine · 30/08/2011 08:48

Well g-strings do tend to get eaten by the washing machine.

Or you could just save them for when she visits her mum/grandma.

Or trust your DSD, if all her friends are wearing the shorts type, you may find that she doesn't wear the g-string ones.

aquos · 30/08/2011 08:52

Sounds like mum does things in an attempt to try and cause conflict or assert her own authority and that your DSD is just pawn in the game. I don't think they are suitable underwear for a 14yo, but I would be very wary of being sucked into any arguments about it.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 30/08/2011 08:53

YANBU
they are not age appropriate. I don't wear lacy/see through/g string underwear because I don't like looking trussed up like some kind of sexy sunday chicken and I'm a grown women. If I find that style too racy for me I'd say it's definitely too much for a young teen.

GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 30/08/2011 09:01

At 14, she's probably very self-conscious about her appearance, whether that manifests itself in being flawlessly groomed (if a bit orange) or hiding in baggy sports gear (extremes - most are between the two). She might want the thongs to avoid VPL and to avoid "friends'" comments. She might think they're grown-up; maybe her mum wears them. She's old enough for it to be important that her clothes, including underwear, make her feel good.

I'd worry less about the style of her pants than what she wears over them, and how she behaves. If she's got good friends and is generally sensible for her age, it's no biggy as long as they're clean, paid for and in decent condition.

IME,thongs are super-uncomfortable and deeplyunflattering. With any luck, she'll want something sturdier next time.

Ifancyashandy · 30/08/2011 09:03

Hmmm. I'm in the middle here - definitely No to the see-through ones but from about the age if 14, I hated having a VPL. Don't know where the hatred came from as my mum is and was a fan of The Big Knicker and hated the idea of me wearing thongs. I ended up buying my own thongs (plain cotton from M&S) and hiding them from her as I was embarrassed about them. She hated anything that made me (in her view) sexy even though that was not why I bought them.

So maybe your DSD feels similarly? But definitely NO to the see-through ones!

Maryz · 30/08/2011 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/08/2011 09:06

Put them in the draw and see how often they appear in the washing.

If she likes them she will wear them if she doesn't she won't.

In the end unless you put her clothes out its her choice what she wears.

shesparkles · 30/08/2011 09:06

As the "owner" of a 14 year old dd, I'd be 'losing' the undies she's been given pronto!
Mine also wears the shorts type knickers, through choice, but as an 8 year old was given one of these fake bras which unfortunately got lost by boxing day.....

As an aside, I really struggled to get her bras recently-just white ones for under school shirts. I don't mind a little padding to hide nipples as I know she's self conscious, but it was really hard to get anything that wasn't monumentally gel boosted or "2 cup sizes bigger" she's 14 ffs!

ConstanceNoring · 30/08/2011 09:13

Definitely inappropriate and Mum is definitely on a wind up Wink

Shove them to the back of the drawer and if they resurface again they will probably get lost in the washing machine.

Fluter · 30/08/2011 09:15

I'm also in the middle on this - how mature is she? I also agree that it's more important what she's wearing over the top of them - can you actually see them peeping over the top of her trousers (or has that gone out of fashion these days?).

My mum used to describe any underwear I'd bought myself (i.e. matching and not M&S big knickers) as 'interesting' underwear, and washed it as though it was - 90 degrees white wash. Not much survives that!

I'd be inclined not to make too much of a fuss about it and let her work out for herself how uncomfortable the g-string is :)

squeakytoy · 30/08/2011 09:20

I think at 14 she should be able to decide what underwear she wants to wear. A g string is a lot different to a peephole bra or a basque.

When my stepdaughter was 14 she would have been buying her own underwear and was doing her own washing too, so I would not have known what she was wearing. But on the occasions there was washing on the line, there were plenty of skimpy knickers.

troisgarcons · 30/08/2011 09:24

Don't see anything wrong with thongs; the majority of girls her age seem to wear them

see through do you mean pretty and lacy? no issue with that either.

I would assume it is her mothers prerogative to buy her daughter gifts if she so chooses.

Unless you are going to throw a monumental hissy*fit and return the underwear as 'inappropriate' or conficate it from the SD exactly what solution are you hoping for?

bonkers20 · 30/08/2011 09:33

If she's old enough to wear the underwear of a mature woman then she should jolly well be doing her own washing.

Is she nearly 15 or just 14? There's a 2 year span there.

squeakytoy · 30/08/2011 09:34

Bonkers... there is a year span there..

usualsuspect · 30/08/2011 09:36

I think a 14 year old is old enough to choose and wear any underwear she likes

Original poster
nancythursday · 30/08/2011 09:43

Thanks for the replies, she turned 14 this summer but is quite mature for her age and apart from rolling her school skirt up to her bum, generally she's dressed nicely.

If i'd been shopping with her, I would not have bought her the see through ones, if she'd asked for thongs due to vpl, fair enough. But the see through ones are sheer (like tights) you would be able to see everything!

Her mum does use her as a pawn, my first thought was that she's looking for an argument with DH. We've got a young baby, who DSD adores. Ex wife wasn't happy when I got pregnant.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 30/08/2011 09:46

But the see through ones are sheer (like tights) you would be able to see everything!

But they are going to be under her clothes. Who is going to see them?

If she is sleeping with boys already, then you have far bigger worries than what denier her knickers are.

If she isnt interested in boys very much, then the size and style of her knickers is irrelevant.

Original poster
nancythursday · 30/08/2011 09:49

She's not a shy girl, will wander round the house in her undies. If DH saw her in the sheer ones, I think he'd have a heart attack.

OP posts:
Catslikehats · 30/08/2011 09:49

A 14 year old is old enough to be choosing her knickers.

You have far bigger battles ahead than whether her knickers are too sheer. Pick them wisely.

SquidgyBiscuits · 30/08/2011 09:51

I wore g-strings and see through undercrackers at 14. Obviously I don't see the big deal. Who exactly is going to be seeing everything through themhousekeepinh anyway? Nice underwear always gives me a boost, and if it makes her feel good then where's the harm? And obviously she isn't a child now, she is maturing into a young adult. You can't keep her in pastel cOloured cotton shorts forever!

Catslikehats · 30/08/2011 09:51

Well then she needs to be told that whilst wandering around in cotton boy shorts and a vest is acceptable wandering around in a thong is not, but just because she wanders in the former don't assume she will do so in the latter.

squeakytoy · 30/08/2011 09:52

If her dad sees her in those knickers wandering around the house, then he has every right to tell her to cover herself up, but then she should be doing that rather than walking around in any knickers anyway.

ChristinedePizan · 30/08/2011 09:55

What on earth is wrong with wandering around the house in knickers squeakytoy?

I agree g-strings are not nice to look at but there is nothing wrong with wearing shorts.

LadyFlumpalot · 30/08/2011 09:57

Let her wear the thongs...after a day or two at school constantly pulling them out of her arse she probably won't bother again! At least that was my experience - bloody uncomfortable things.

Maryz · 30/08/2011 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.