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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it totally bizarre that friends and family are fixated on the weaning of our DS?

57 replies

Ohnoredundo · 28/08/2011 16:53

DS is five months. He is EBF. I've had my ups and downs with BFing but love it now and it's been well worth the occasional blip.

From DS being about 10 weeks friends and family stared to go on about weaning. "Are you sure he's getting enough from you?" they say, faces etched with concern.

Now he is five months and still EBF the reaction I'm getting is one of horror. "But look at his little face, he's copying you chewing, he's starving bless him!"

He's putting on weight I remind them and let's remember official guidelines say 6 months for weaning, I'm hardly being 'out there' with my approach.

Sorry for the rant - I'm just sick of it now. Parents, in laws and girlfriends. And why the hell should it be of any concern to them?

Has anyone else had this kind of reaction?

OP posts:

diddl · 28/08/2011 16:56

No.

How involved are you with these people-do you tell them lots about your life so that they feel they can comment on it?

gailpottertilsleyplatt · 28/08/2011 16:56

YANBU

However, any minute now a MNetter will be along to tell you this should be in the BF or weaning topic.

Kayano · 28/08/2011 16:57

I'm not getting involved in this one after the car park thread hides

Sirzy · 28/08/2011 16:59

People seem to have a love for babies early eating for whatever reason. I just smile and nodded while ignoring the comments.

It gets no better though when they are weaned. I got told when ds was about 8 months "he can't eat that" when I ordered him a hacker potato when out for a meal! The waitress who said it was soon proved wrong!

LineRunner · 28/08/2011 17:02

I would echo Diddl and ask just how much are you letting all these people into your business and why?

joric · 28/08/2011 17:02

Is your baby screaming the house down day and night? Is he losing weight? No? Then ignore them... With a smile!!! :)

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 28/08/2011 17:02

Because the official guidelines have changed and people have different ideas from way back when . It hasn't always been 6 months (even when I had mine and they are only 11 and 12 now so not that long ago, my health visitor advised me to wean them WAAAAY before 6 months!) Because things used to be different, and advice has varied, people get it stuck in their heads. Babies used to be weaned earlier and "it never did mine any harm" they say so many people just don't know what's what. They aren't being nasty, they're just trapped in the old way of thinking - get babies on the baby rice at 14 weeks!

If you really get to the end of you tether, you could always say "I know you love X and you keep saying these things out of some misguided belief that you are helping, but trust me, I am not starving my baby. He is getting all he needs. He is thriving. I love you, but it is offensive to me that you imply I am neglecting my baby and I need you to stop. Please respect my decisions."

PenguinPatter · 28/08/2011 17:05

yes - I did.

Family, friends, other mothers. Drove me mad. Due to allergies I waited till the 26 week mark - perhaps I could have done it sooner with no issues but that was our decision.

Drove me made with first DC - put me under huge pressure. Then when did wean she wanted to do it herself and thing we gave her were all 'wrong' . I was unlucky and had it with second from my parents - as had DN very similar age weaned very differently to mine.

By third everyone stopped doing it - though thing DC3 had food earlier than I planned as older DC were feeding her which she was very up for.

When it wasn't weaning it was something else - as soon as you start weaning it will be a non issue IME.

PenguinPatter · 28/08/2011 17:07

Personally I found quoting the official advice - didn't help. Refusing to discuss was only thing that worked in the end.

faverolles · 28/08/2011 17:11

YANBU When you have a baby, it seems it is fair play for everyone to have an opinion. Even when it's not asked for.
Doing it right for you inevitably means that it's wrong for someone else, and some people feel it's their duty, no matter how rude, to point out the correct way (their way).
Have had it myself a few times this week.
Smile and ignore.

CBear6 · 28/08/2011 17:11

Forgive the crudeness of the expression but opinions are like bumholes - everyon has one but some stink worse than others. The key is leaning to smile enigmatically and then do your own thing regardless. They say it takes a village to raise a child and they won't be bloody shy about telling you exactly how you're doing it wrong.

You know your DS better than anyone else and you, as his mother, do what you believe to be best for him. It's nobodies business but yours and so long as he's happy, healthy, and growing at a steady rate then he's fine. All babies are different, some are ready to wean at 4mo while others are ready at 6mo, and others still are ready at 8mo or more, there's no one size fits all when it come to babies and children (and adults too, for that matter).

I remember when I started giving DS his first tastes of food and I was told he needed more than I was giving him, I was giving him too many milk feeds still, I should stop his milk altogether (!), and that I'd turn him into a fussy eater if I didn't give him a taste of "everything" after I stopped him from attempting to chomp on a piece of honeyed toast when he was 7mo. FIL also told me I'd ruin his system by feeding him too much healthy stuff after I wouldn't let him have Chinese takeaway at 5mo.

Just shrug it off.

diddl · 28/08/2011 17:15

"YANBU When you have a baby, it seems it is fair play for everyone to have an opinion."

Why is this?

Without being rude, does it depend on your own personality?

Why would they think he´s not getting enough if he´s happy & healthy?

Have you ever given indications of wanting help/advice/not coping?

HappyCamel · 28/08/2011 17:15

Yep, DD is 5 months, I'm EBF and get the same reactions. Shun purees and do baby led weaning (excellent book by Gill Rapley on it) and really wind them up!

ChunkyPickle · 28/08/2011 17:17

I just smiled and nodded (luckily all the advice was over Skype as I lived so far away)

Then, once he was eating real food, there were the comments on how I'd be wanting him to get most of his energy/liquids from food/juice rather than milk now, and some disapproval that I still feed him to sleep at night and for a lot of naps, then shock at him eating normal food and not wanting mush, or that I normally leave him to it rather than holding his arms (so he can't interfere) and spoon feeding him.

Smile and nod, smile and nod....

HappyCamel · 28/08/2011 17:19

Oh and don't forget that your milk has a high calorie density so people who suggest dropping milk feeds for fruit purees are just plain wrong. I remind them that you'd eat fruit and veg to lose weight and cream to gain it.

Sorry, this is turning in to my own, personal, rant now. Think you touched a nerve OP!!

MagicFingerGoesPop · 28/08/2011 17:22

Happy to be corrected, but I think the 'official guidelines' have now changed back to 4 months?

If your baby is happy, go with what suits you and your family. Dont be pressured by other people. :)

faverolles · 28/08/2011 17:25

Diddl - some people cannot stand it if you don't do something their way - it starts from birth, covers feeding, sleeping, which nappies you use, weaning, etc.
Maybe it is a personality thing. Maybe some people give out helpless vibes.

pookamoo · 28/08/2011 17:26

Sorry magicfingerpop the guidelines are still 6 months.

The 4 months thing was a badly mis-quoted article which the press ran away with.

pookamoo · 28/08/2011 17:26

magicfingergoespop I mean

ddubsgirl · 28/08/2011 17:27

your baby you do what you feel you need too,advice changes all the time,was 4/5 months when mine were little,as long as baby is putting on weight and happy does it matter???

i think most of it is that they want to feed baby!your bf so they cant join in,with weaning nan etc can have a go(or so they think lol)
i use to get oh your doing it wrong blah blah esp with finger food,ds1 hated puree and loved lumps etc so soon moved on to finger food,got told off loads that i hadnt cut his sanwich/toast enough! ffs he was happy i was there with him,he never choked on it,not like i left and buggered off out the room

PenguinPatter · 28/08/2011 17:27

Don't think so MagicFingerGoesPop - at least the NHS website hasn't been updated.

www.nhs.uk/Planners/birthtofive/Pages/Weaningfirststeps.aspx

Talks of around 6 months - think there is less emphasis on an actual date now perhaps which TBH makes more sense.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/08/2011 17:29

Baby conversations go down certain well-travelled paths. "He's got Mum/Dad/Grandpa/the milkman's nose/feet/eyes/".... "Have they smiled?"... "Do they sleep through?"..."Are you trying them on solid food?"... Best thing to do is not mention your baby much, don't ask for an opinion and, if they start a conversation about whether they're sitting up, eating gravy or taking their first piano lessons... resist the temptation to join in
& change the subject as quickly as possible.

PS.... also remember this experience when someone you know annouces they are pregnant. Unless asked, keep your opinion well and truly to yourself.

MagicFingerGoesPop · 28/08/2011 17:29

As I said, happy to be corrected!

My point being, there is not a miracle spurt of growth on the eve of their sixth month age that magically goes pop () that allows them to be able to eat stuff.

I prefer the more traditional signs. Able to sit independently, lost the thrust reflex in the mouth etc etc. It may happen toward 5 months, it may happen toward 7 months.

emsyj · 28/08/2011 17:31

I was actually referred to a health visitor by someone at my local children's centre (without my permission or knowledge) for saying that I was still bf DD at night when she was 7 months old. Apparently she didn't need feeding at night at that age.

YANBU, but agree with the general consensus that you just have to smile and ignore.

diddl · 28/08/2011 17:38

"Diddl - some people cannot stand it if you don't do something their way - it starts from birth, covers feeding, sleeping, which nappies you use, weaning, etc. "

Oh I´m sure.

I just don´t know anyone like that.

Why would you want someone to bring up their child your way?

Did these people all bring up their children someone elses way?

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