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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it totally bizarre that friends and family are fixated on the weaning of our DS?

57 replies

Ohnoredundo · 28/08/2011 16:53

DS is five months. He is EBF. I've had my ups and downs with BFing but love it now and it's been well worth the occasional blip.

From DS being about 10 weeks friends and family stared to go on about weaning. "Are you sure he's getting enough from you?" they say, faces etched with concern.

Now he is five months and still EBF the reaction I'm getting is one of horror. "But look at his little face, he's copying you chewing, he's starving bless him!"

He's putting on weight I remind them and let's remember official guidelines say 6 months for weaning, I'm hardly being 'out there' with my approach.

Sorry for the rant - I'm just sick of it now. Parents, in laws and girlfriends. And why the hell should it be of any concern to them?

Has anyone else had this kind of reaction?

OP posts:
Schnullerbacke · 28/08/2011 17:40

All I will say about that is: you have my sympathies. Been there, had that from the first few weeks (not weaning obviously but giving DD formula because she must be starving from breastmilk alone). How I have solved it? By explaining my position nicely for the first few times and then progressively becoming more, aggressive is not the right word, but put it this way, my face says it all. Now, a few years down the line and any stupid childrearing comments get met with a roll of eyes. Yes, perhaps I am now labelled as a know-it-all and not wanting to take advice but at least I am left in peace. I am all for taking advice, but when I want it and from whom I want it.

In saying all that, people just cant help themselves. My best friend is pregnant now and I quite often have to bite my tongue from dishing out advice. People probably just mean well but if they are not conscious of their actions, they need to be reminded to back off.

Faffalina · 28/08/2011 17:41

I found it works not to merely smile and nod, but to do so whilst saying "I'm smiling and nodding".

Spuddybean · 28/08/2011 17:51

I am ttc and was talking to mum the other day - she has very 70's ideas about having babies, she has only ever had me but seems to think she is the oracle on all things birth/pregnancy related. Everything basically comes down to 'don't be ridiculous, i did it with you and you turned out okay' Hmm

Anyway, i was talking to mum about BFing and she TOLD me when i had a baby i HAD to wean at 6 wks old. I said no the advice is 6 months and got the standard reply.

We went to lunch with a friend and her 5 mo. My friend but she was desperate to see the baby so invited herself along. She basically told friend everything she was doing was wrong, that the hv was wrong and tried to not so secretly shove chocolate buttons that she'd smuggled along into the babies mouth. Shock

I am dreading her constant 'help' and 'advice'. My dad calls her mother earth and goes on about how great she is with babies. I know they will try to bully me till they get their way. They were shit parents but for some reason they think they were great.

They already think i'm a woolly liberal and 'up my own arse' for not wanting any children i have to have their ears pierced by18 months (and have said they'll sneak out with them and get them done without my consent!).

PenguinPatter · 28/08/2011 17:53

diddl -I don't think there is always logic there. IME trying to get me to do what they did/were doing was some kind of validation of their actions, sometimes power play - they were still in charge and new best type things.

Both my MIL and mother had very interfering undermining mother's and MILs - a pattern seem to try and follow despite being very resent of how they were treated. Hope I mange to learn for my DD and possible DIL relationships how to behave well.

diddl · 28/08/2011 17:55

Spuddy-sounds as if you tell them too much & it invites opinion!

Spuddybean · 28/08/2011 18:05

diddl your probably right. I will defo keep things to myself about any dc's and me and DP should be emigrating soon. (a drastic solution but a solution nonetheless!)

Mummalish · 28/08/2011 18:07

diddl, you are right there.

Your friends, family etc have probably heard you talk about your baby so much, that they feel it's ok to comment. And they probably don't realise how much it infuriates you.

Let them comment away, they're only trying to help in their own way.

Have you spoken to any of them about your baby?

Original poster
Ohnoredundo · 28/08/2011 18:22

Thanks for your replies. It helps to know that I'm not the only one with weaning weirdness. Diddl I definitely don't invite the comments by sharing too much. In fact me and DH made this mistake in the beginning and were driven insane with comments on how we should get DS to sleep through. On top of that I don't find baby talk interesting and so refrain. In fact I feel uncomfortable when the focus is on us as a family and try and change the subject. In laws have been buying me Annabel Thingymagig stuff for months in the hope I wean DS (I think). This might be absolute paranoia setting in now but as far as parents and inlaws are concerned I think they figure as soon as DS is weaned I will be magically ready for him to sleep over at theirs etc? As for friends - one inparticular - they bring up the subject usually saying something like "you're not STILL BFing DS are you?!". WTF! He is five months not 5 years. I am going to take the smile and nod approach from now on suggested above while saying "I'm smiling and nodding". It would be weird for me to go off it as I'm quite mild with people but equally I'm sick of it now and as you can all see developing quite a complex.

OP posts:
Faffalina · 28/08/2011 19:40

Yay! Grin

diddl · 29/08/2011 07:13

Ah-ulterior motives re weaning-sneaky!

There is no written law that GC ever have to sleep over with their GPs-despite what some GPs seem to thinkWink

hophophippidtyhop · 29/08/2011 07:25

Prepare yourself once he is on solids - the next thing will be " aren't you potty training yet? You were when you were 14 months old!"

Whatmeworry · 29/08/2011 07:40

That's is called EBF tells you all you need to know.....

Kiwiinkits · 29/08/2011 08:06

Some babies are ready to be weaned onto solids at five months, though. The guideline is just a general guideline: some are ready much earlier. Are you sure yours isn't one of them? It could be a bit cruel to keep him off solids if he's ready, just because of stubborness. What's the harm in trying him on a bit of pureed pear or baby rice?

Original poster
Ohnoredundo · 29/08/2011 08:49

Do you reckon Kiwi? He's not acting any differently or showing these illusive 'signs'.

OP posts:
Fuzzled · 29/08/2011 13:02

My 11mo DS started weaning at 5mo. He was grabbing at food, stuffing anything and everything into his mouth, looking for more and more milk and waking frequently in the night. We discussed it with the HV and got all the relevant info and began with her agreement (not that I needed it, more that it was nice to realise that the 6mo guideline wasn't set in stone!)

On other hand, one of my friends who had a DS at the same time didn't start weaning him until just after 7 months. She did offer him baby rice and purees, he just wasn't interested.

All of our group of mums agreed that we all "knew" when the DC's were ready to properly wean (and not just have an odd taste).

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 29/08/2011 13:11

If it's any consolation, the well-meant yet damn infuriating busybody advice does dissipate by the time you get to DC2.

This time around, I just get 'are you really doing X/Y/Z with DS the way you did with DD.... yes? Oh well, I suppose she survived it...' At which point, it's easier to smile sweetly and change the subject.

plupervert · 29/08/2011 13:38

Yes, children are individual about their development. My DS could have done with starting food later than we did (I tried to start at 5+ months, to be "up to speed" by 6 months), and not only was he not interested, the aggro of trying to get him to eat was bad for our relationship! I wish I'd had the confidence to be a bit looser about the schedule.

My DD (due December) is going to be a lot luckier than her poor brother because I've now understood how important a mother's expertise on her own child is. Of course, I'm grateful for official guidelines, but will be using my judgement a lot more this time around. It's just a pity that, being a 2nd time mother, I probably won't get as much pushy advice! Grin

iknowanoldlady · 29/08/2011 14:35

Just to play devil's advocate here... Your post could've been written by a friend of mine, and I have suggested starting weaning now. But it's only because her DS is still waking several times a night and she seems permanently knackered. I was still BF-ing my son 5 months and started to wean then, and it went really well, so I hope I am just speaking out of my (limited) experience and concern for my poor friend who needs some kip. Maybe people are worried about you? But if this is not the case then, yes, tell them to mind their own business Smile

lookslikeacoconut · 29/08/2011 17:08

It's amazing how many people have opinions on this. I am no expert, but I just knew my DD was not ready to be weaned before 6 months. The comments I had to endure from about 4 months on, though, were ridiculous. Best one being "oh, you just want to keep her as a baby, it's understandable." Beware the well-meaning relatives that take it a step further, however - at a big family lunch yesterday, I turned round to find an older aunt shovelling strawberry ice-cream into 6-month-old DD's mouth! I went bonkers. Even worse, several times after DD stayed a couple of hours with certain relatives, pre-weaning, I'd find white lumps in her poo. Pretty sure it was undigested food. I'm furious. but what can you say if not 100pc sure?
Stick to your guns, OP. You know your baby. doesnt seem like you would be easily swayed anyway.

JollySergeantJackrum · 29/08/2011 17:13

My stock response is 'Gosh, there's no way I'm weaning before 6 months, I can't be arsed spending half my life making purees that the little monster won't eat anyway. Would you eat sweet potato and banana mush? No? Well why would I feed it to my son?'

plupervert · 29/08/2011 17:14

I am really shocked at the undigested lumps in your DD's poo, lookslikeacoconut. That's just a disgusting lack of respect for your parhentinsgi. And what the hell is it to do with someone else? Do they really think a mother would be selfish and cruel enough to deliberately stunt a baby's growth?

plupervert · 29/08/2011 17:17

Sorry, there are some funny typos in my last post. The cursor went skipping while I was typing, and I didn't manage to fish all the extra "bits" out. Undigested lumps of my own! Grin

P.S. The worst undigested something I ever found in DS's poo was chickpea casings, which were deflated (he could evidently digest what was in them, but hadn't chewed). Ugh.

LadyBeagleEyes · 29/08/2011 17:46

I honestly don't remember when I weaned my son.
He's 16 and tall,fit and healthy
And I bet when yours are that age, you'll have forgotten too.
I don't remember anybody giving me advice or actually giving a shit at all about when he got solids.
Since there's not a lot to say about young babies to new mums, maybe they're just making conversation.
And I'm putting my bibbitybobbityhat hat on right now and saying there is a baby weaning thread for this, it's not an IABU subject really.

Empusa · 29/08/2011 17:56

The NHS book I was given by my midwife the other day has a bit in it where it say that the World Health Organisation recommends breastfeeding for 2 years!

This is all a bit confusing Confused

TidyDancer · 29/08/2011 18:02

I weaned mine earlier because they were ready. It wasn't a case of making a dramatic show of it, it was just offering and not worrying that they weren't accepting it. DD was just before five months IIRC.

OP, it wouldn't do any harm to start offering food, but it won't do any harm to hold back for a few more weeks. Just remember, nothing magical will happen to DS's tummy when he turns six months, it really is just a guideline that will be bang on for some children and way, way off for others.

I think people generally are just trying to help when they make suggestions like this, they don't really conceive of said help being taken so badly. It's usually not meant with any malice.

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