Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4 year old crossing the road by themself- dangerous or AIBU

28 replies

BimboNo5 · 28/08/2011 16:33

We live in a 'quiet' cul de sac. Ive always told my 4 year old DS he is not to cross the road by us even if he thinks it is safe to (too many twats think its brands hatch driving into the close). A lovely little girl who will be in his class when he starts school in September has been calling for him yet she is allowed to cross the road and I really dont want DS to think its an acceptable thing to do. AIBU to watch him cross?

OP posts:
virgiltracey · 28/08/2011 16:35

No. he is 4. DS1 doesn't cross the road by himself and he is 6. DS2(4) definitely wouldn't be allowed.

stoppinchingthedummy · 28/08/2011 16:36

no YADNBU!!!I live on a bigger estate and there are children from the age of 3 out on there own all day riding their bikes etc!! Its terrible!! My ds has just learnt to ride his bike without staberlizers (or however the hell you spell it!!) and i go out with him around the block etc!!

cat64 · 28/08/2011 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KristinaM · 28/08/2011 16:40

No he is too young to judge the speed of cars

SquongebobSparepants · 28/08/2011 16:41

YABU, even watching is not enough, he should be holding a hand or within grabbing reach of an adult at all times.

zelda1982 · 28/08/2011 16:42

I only just let my 7 year old dd cross the (main) road out the front of ours a few weeks ago, and then i watched her out the bathroom window and told her when to cross (she went over to feed the horses that were there) and watched for her coming back. 4 is definately too young imo.

worraliberty · 28/08/2011 16:42

Is it the 'quiet' cul de sac that she's allowed to cross? Or does she have other roads between her house and yours?

catgirl1976 · 28/08/2011 16:45

No YANBU. He is only four - keep on watching him

Salmotrutta · 28/08/2011 16:45

This is why it's such a shame that kids today just cannot enjoy the freedoms we did. The volume of traffic even in a residential area has increased sooooo much from the time I was a kid.
Far fewer families had cars then - and we were able to play out very safely.
But I didn't allow mine out on the street to play until about 8 ish and had some proper road sense.

grubbalo · 28/08/2011 16:47

YANBU to stick to your guns and say your 4 year old needs to do what you think is best for him - who knows him better than you? However it is also NU for another parent to have different rules - 4 year olds differ immensely and it could well be she does just "get it". As someone else said, there are going to be many occasions where your son has different rules to his friends, and the sooner he realises that the better for all of you really!

sleepevader · 28/08/2011 16:52

No not at all.

We have children play out on our estate who have no roadsense. They cross the road without looking, play in middle of blind bend on scooters etc. I know that one of them is 4 and other 3 if that. I hate it and warn all visitors to be careful when driving.

I regularly have kittens and an dreading the day my nearly 4 yo ds asks to go out front and play.

MJHASLEFTTHEBUILDING · 28/08/2011 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

exoticfruits · 28/08/2011 16:57

A 4 yr old can't judge speed and distance.

M0naLisa · 28/08/2011 17:15

defo too young.

duchesse · 28/08/2011 17:24

I have a 68yo friend who had the original Swallows and Amazons upbringing in the Broads just after the war. She was allowed out aged 4 in her coracle despite being unable to swim*, had to take the bus into town to meet her father in Norwich 10 miles away, and regularly took important telephone messages for him at the same age. She could read at 4 and read his column over the telephone to a typist at the newspaper that published it.

I do not think she was all that exception in the early 50s. Why then are our young children so incapable these days?

Having said that, many children were killed in road accidents 50 years ago. Cars are dangerous, especially with an imbecile at the wheel. It's a balance between safety and freedom.

*I, and she, think that was nuts of her parents

IndigoBell · 28/08/2011 17:27

I don't think 4 is too young to cross a road in a quiet cul-de-sac.

Mine certainly did at that age.

But if you don't want your DC to - don't. It's your decision.

MJHASLEFTTHEBUILDING · 28/08/2011 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Nanny0gg · 28/08/2011 19:14

From DirectGov Rules for Pedestrians:

Crossing the road

7

The Green Cross Code. The advice given below on crossing the road is for all pedestrians. Children should be taught the Code and should not be allowed out alone until they can understand and use it properly. The age when they can do this is different for each child. Many children cannot judge how fast vehicles are going or how far away they are. Children learn by example, so parents and carers should always use the Code in full when out with their children. They are responsible for deciding at what age children can use it safely by themselves.

squeakytoy · 28/08/2011 19:17

4 is definately too young, and I am fairly laid back on giving kids freedom, but a 4 year old doesnt usually have the ability to concentrate too much on what they are doing and are very easily distracted. Not only that, a driver would have absolutely no chance of seeing a child who walked out from behind a parked car when the child is so small. By 6 or 7 kids are much more sensible usually, and their reactions are quicker and judgement better.

RealityVonCrapp · 28/08/2011 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 28/08/2011 19:20

It's hard to say without seeing the road.

One cul-de-sac we lived in I allowed the DC to play in the road unsupervised.

The cul-de-sac we live in now, I don't like my 6 year old crossing over alone. When I say "like" she isn't allowed but I know she does occasionally.

I don't think my 8 year old could accurately judge the speed of cars. He is allowed to cross over the rd in our cul-de-sac,but not on any other roads.

halcyondays · 28/08/2011 19:26

If you aren't happy with letting him cross the road, then don't let him. There will always be times when other parents do things differently, rightly or wrongly.

Mitmoo · 28/08/2011 19:28

Have I misread your OP. You let your four year old out unsupervised in an area where there is a road that boy racers use and you want to rely on a four year old to obey instructions not to cross the road.

The you criticise another parent of a four year old for allowing them to cross the road?

Do you really believe that if a four year old is called over the street by a friend they won't run across it because they don't have the ability to judge when it is safe or not? A four year old? Or they won't run to chase a ball while playing outside?

All the while when some drivers are using it as a race track??

You don't tell a four year old not to cross the road, you supervise them so they can't. Am I missing something here? Why would you have to tell him not to cross a road where drivers use it as brand hatch if you were supervising him?

Andrewofgg · 28/08/2011 19:32

YANBU whatever other foolish parents do. You protect your own.

PumpkinBones · 28/08/2011 19:36

The OP doesn't say he plays out in the cul de sac though - just that he isn't allowed to cross it by himself. I tell DS1 he's not allowed to cross the road outside my Mum's house - that doesn't mean he's allowed to play out there unsupervised. I just particularly stress it there because it is a quiet road, and he thinks that means it is ok to run across it when we're getting out of the car. I don't see where it says in the OP he plays outside?!

Swipe left for the next trending thread