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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be concerned about this man?

120 replies

gemdrop84 · 27/08/2011 18:36

My mum has recently registered on a dating website a few wks ago, she has been single for a long time and has been receiving/sending emails to a man who she now says she is in love with. She gave me her password to look at some photos he sent of himself and she showed me a few emails, but it seems so odd and makes me feel uneasy. He is supposedly an american, army member and currently working in afghanistan. What seems odd to me is that every email he has sent has been very long, saying how much he loves her, wants to hold her, wants to live and love her for the rest of his life. Id be very scared if a man Id never met was saying such things after a couple of wks of emails! In some emails there are some sentences worded in very bad english. Shes so smitten. Also with his emails, she wrote that she has 3 kids,a grandchild&various other details about herself etc, I would've thought he would ask details, how old are they, do they still live at home, what pets does she have etc but he hasnt. All his emails are so generic and they dont seem to respond to her msgs, if that makes sense. I dont want her to get hurt and she was telling me today he is due leave at the end of sept, although he's not sure how much he'll have and wants to meet up with her. Also been on msn msging each other at night and apparently he wants to buy a house with her now! Any advice on how to handle this would be great, I really dont want her to get hurt, sorry for the length, thanks ladies.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 28/08/2011 19:44

Colorado is Mountain Time so 7 hours behind Greenwich.

Merrin · 28/08/2011 19:57

If the above very good advice doesnt work you could try registering on the dating site your self and seeing if he sends you the same emails.

The suggestions involving the police above and obviously the first thing to do.

Punkatheart · 28/08/2011 20:10

This happened to my mother too. I even found his name (he had used it before) and the bogus photos all over the Internet, in his military uniform. Police alas cannot do much but if the site knows, they can remove him. For every person who discovers it is a scam or has a relative who is suspicious, there are others who are scammed heavily. My mother was emotionally stung, not financially. It is rarely one person but gangs.

pigletmania · 28/08/2011 21:17

This is terrible, flame me if you must, but why do women fall for this crap. Disconnect her internet anything gem, yes e mail him and tell him that you have involved the Police and know what he is up to.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 28/08/2011 21:27

"This is terrible, flame me if you must, but why do women fall for this crap"

because there will always be people who are lonely and desperate to be loved. And there will always be people who will exploit that.

solidgoldbrass · 28/08/2011 21:34

It isn't just women who fall for it, though. There are plenty of dim and desperate men, as well, and a healthy culture of scammers who take exactly the same sort of advantage of them (only it's generally Russian or Thai lovely laydeez who don't actually exist but need loads of money).

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 28/08/2011 21:53

Yes. Indeed. Like I say, there will always be people who are lonely and desperate to be loved. And there will always be people who will exploit that.

I think, and I WILL get flamed for saying this, but if you look in the mirror and see a - well, I'll describe myself, to avoid getting totally flamed Grin I am a fat, wrinkly and ugly old person, with stretchmarks that resemble an AA route map and tits that double up as a scarf in cold weather. If I go on holiday and am wooed by a 20something, fit and gorgeous young thing with a washboard stomach and muscles you could swing off, who declares undying love for me within 3 days, tells me I am the most beautiful woman he has ever seen and wants to be with me forever... well. I think we can safely say that in 999 cases out of 1000 - he has an agenda

You have got to be realistic. It would be lovely to think that a handsome could-be-a-male-model 20 yr old man has found the love of his life in a 75 year old rich widow, or a 25 yr old totally stunning woman has been blown away by her love for an 80 yr old bald fat bloke.

But come on. People are just not like that.

hairfullofsnakes · 28/08/2011 21:55

What does your mum say now? I am always surprised that women fall foe this

pigletmania · 28/08/2011 22:06

Exactly themagnificent If I went to Turkey and a lovely hansom young waiter called Mehmet told me that I was so beautiful and that he loved me (i am in my mid 30's pg, eczema all over, and not exactly gods gift to men), I would say pull the other one, I can see poundsigns in your eyes and a tongue hanging out which says meal ticket Grin

mathanxiety · 29/08/2011 00:41

I'm not surprised. At the risk of being flamed, shot to pieces, hanged, drawn and quartered, some people are vain enough to believe the blarney might be true.

Check out 'Bezness' on t'internet (lots of the links are in German however; apparently many a handsome Fraulein has been sucker punched)

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 29/08/2011 02:38

As per usual, you're right on the button Bathy.

Do you ever wonder what megarich ageing boring arseholes men tell themselves to explain the lissom young females clinging onto their every word sucking their cocks?

SouthernFriedTofu · 29/08/2011 03:35

I don't think a soldier would give that much personal info (are they even allowed) on an email to a stranger.

Ask you mum to get him on Skype she'll know from speaking to him what his english is like. He could be genuine and have bad written English

hairfullofsnakes · 29/08/2011 19:15

Too true bathy - it amazes me how some people delude themselves but it is a shame too

Hatesponge · 29/08/2011 19:34

Deffo a scam I'm afraid - one of my friends got something similar. The scammer is always in the Armed Forces, based in some Middle East hotspot and therefore unable to talk on the phone though of course able to use MSN Hmm Its all utter bullshit. My friend cottoned onto hers (finally) when he started asking for money.

On a similar note I've had a couple of weird emails on Facebook from men allegedly living in the US, though not servicemen asking to be my friend - I suspect they're scammers as well but am intrigued as to how they got my details. English is a bit 'formal' which adds to the scam factor. Needless to say I haven't replied Grin Thinking I might need to increase my privacy settings!

stoppinchingthedummy · 30/08/2011 20:20

Did you get your mum to see sense?

Waltons · 31/08/2011 21:53

Bump

pigletmania · 31/08/2011 23:25

there was a follow up thread that the op wrote. She said that she showed her mum the evidence from here and that she is no longer in touch with him, and he has been removed from the site. He even included a cheesy picture of himself, which the op copied and pasted.

FigsAndWine · 01/09/2011 17:52

Can't find it anywhere, Piglet - would you mind linking to it?

FigsAndWine · 01/09/2011 17:58

Found it now.

flatbellyfella · 01/09/2011 18:08

Scam .100 per cent. Report it.

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