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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be concerned about this man?

120 replies

gemdrop84 · 27/08/2011 18:36

My mum has recently registered on a dating website a few wks ago, she has been single for a long time and has been receiving/sending emails to a man who she now says she is in love with. She gave me her password to look at some photos he sent of himself and she showed me a few emails, but it seems so odd and makes me feel uneasy. He is supposedly an american, army member and currently working in afghanistan. What seems odd to me is that every email he has sent has been very long, saying how much he loves her, wants to hold her, wants to live and love her for the rest of his life. Id be very scared if a man Id never met was saying such things after a couple of wks of emails! In some emails there are some sentences worded in very bad english. Shes so smitten. Also with his emails, she wrote that she has 3 kids,a grandchild&various other details about herself etc, I would've thought he would ask details, how old are they, do they still live at home, what pets does she have etc but he hasnt. All his emails are so generic and they dont seem to respond to her msgs, if that makes sense. I dont want her to get hurt and she was telling me today he is due leave at the end of sept, although he's not sure how much he'll have and wants to meet up with her. Also been on msn msging each other at night and apparently he wants to buy a house with her now! Any advice on how to handle this would be great, I really dont want her to get hurt, sorry for the length, thanks ladies.

OP posts:
SquongebobSparepants · 28/08/2011 12:46

Figs, have you found the trophy room? Its brilliant

lady007pink · 28/08/2011 12:57

Can you give me the link to that, sponge - I can't find it Blush

lady007pink · 28/08/2011 12:58

The trophy room, I mean!

SquongebobSparepants · 28/08/2011 13:00

The trophy Room

Basically they lead the scammers on, taking up more and more of their time, and then get them to pose for pictures holding signs that say the most hilarious/random things.
Serves the fuckers right.

YNK · 28/08/2011 13:02

419'ers trophy room is brilliant!

lady007pink · 28/08/2011 13:03

Thanks, Spiongebob :D

lubeybooby · 28/08/2011 13:37

OP just show your mum all the details of it it's a known scam. There are many other dating scams too so she needs to learn about those before she continues dating.

My mum was nearly taken in by one claiming to be a widowed jeweller, he got her to move money via western union saying it was for a deposit for their house. It wasn't her money it had come from the US but she was being used to launder it. She was completely taken in til she told me about it and I asked if the money was moved to Nigeria, she said yes. I then showed her loads of links. She was upset for a day or so but got through it wiser and stronger!

Original poster
gemdrop84 · 28/08/2011 17:47

sorry been at work. My mum doesnt know anything about these type of scams etc due to the fact she has been completely computer illiterate since a few months ago! Shes very much th type of person who sees good in everyone. Emailed the 2 ladies with his emails, Will see what they say. Did try to talk to dm last night but she just kept changing the subject. Im quite tempted to email him myself now! I read the 419scam website. Which is prob why ive picked up on it more or less straight away! Thanks ladies for all the advice. Appreciate it.

OP posts:
TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 28/08/2011 17:52

I think you should email him. Scare him off.

If you can't stop your mum from contacting him, you can tell him what you have done and that you know he is a con artist and if he goes near your mum or asks her for money, you will be straight onto the police.

He'll run a mile.

Because of course, this is a scam.

It is so sad that there are people like your mum - lovely, trusting, but so lonely and longing for love that they are vulnerable to people like this. Sad

Spuddybean · 28/08/2011 18:02

My partners job is investigating cyber crime. I showed him the emails and he said it's a (419 i think he said) scam. He has worked extensively on these. I could pm you some stuff from him if you like.

Sad poor mum. There was a doc on ch4 the other day about it (i'm sure you could od it and show her).

They get photos of strangers off the internet and say it's them and then there is some reason they need money. It's all very awful.

Original poster
gemdrop84 · 28/08/2011 18:09

its a complete mess. Dont think she will stop contact with him. Just spoken to my sister who said he wont be coming back to UK as he has been redeployed. And dm has said she will wait for him. Hes got her exactly where he wants her. Im going to email him tonight. Will tell him ive involved police.

OP posts:
Original poster
gemdrop84 · 28/08/2011 18:10

spuddybean that would be great thanks x

OP posts:
NorfolkBroad · 28/08/2011 18:11

It's a scam, everything you say adds up to this. I read about this exact scam recently. He will say he is coming to meet her and then someone else will turn up saying he has been detained and will only be released if she gives money. Horrible. The broken English is a surefire sign. My DP is half Nigerian and rolls her eyes contstantly when she hears about poor people falling for this. It happened to one of her colleagues and she only managed to persuade her it was a scam when she had parted with alot of money already. Dreadful. I hope you can show these responses to your mum and help her.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 28/08/2011 18:12

don't do it from your normal email address. set up a hotmail one or something.

And bear in mind he may well become abusive or threatening.

Tell him you have involved police and contacted too - say that they were very interested to hear his claims and are going to be investigating him themselves. (He doesn't need to know that's not true Grin ) and that you have contacted the other women he is scamming to warn them too. And the dating site. You need to put the fear of god into him. Make him back right off.

Your poor mum though. She must be so lonely to be falling for this Sad

FigsAndWine · 28/08/2011 18:13

Sponge yes I've been in the trophy room. Grin But I spent ages earlier reading this on there. I was just Shock Grin Hmm Grin Shock Grin not least because the original email claims that he is days from death, in hospital with oesophogeal cancer, yet he rallies valiantly Hmm in order to perform all these bizarre requests that give him a sniff at making some money. The squirrel pictures were absolutely hilarious. Grin

OP this is exactly why I don't want my DM to get onto the internet; being computer illiterate, slightly eccentric and gullible in some ways (though not others), I am scared that she would be taken in by some scam or other - not romantic, but even the virus 'WARNING you are infected; download this to solve it' rubbish. Or get involved with one of the money scams, because she's not wise to it.

I think you just need to confront her with it; no sidestepping or changing the subject. It's harsh, but if what is patently obvious to all of us, isn't to her, then she needs confronting with the reality of it, pretty damn quick. She'll feel humiliated, yes, but not half as humiliated as she will after she's given him (or someone like him) loads of money and even more emotional investment! I would show her this thread, and some of the articles linked to, and don't let her avoid the issue.

Hey I've just had an idea, sparked by the thread I linked to above. If you want to give him a fright, you could register for a yahoo (or similar) address, and register the sender's name as 'Metropolitan Police' (or any police), then send him an email saying that his details and emails have been passed to you for investigation, and would like his precise details to verify his identity. I bet he runs like the wind. Grin

I really hope you can through to your mum OP; I hate the fuckers who prey on the vulnerable like this. Angry

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 28/08/2011 18:14

meant to add, it's like these 60yr old women who go to turkey and places like that, and fall for the load of bollocks spouted by the 20something year old men there. And end up giving them loads of money.

Everyone wants to be loved. It can become a desperate need that overrides your common sense.

Claw3 · 28/08/2011 18:20

If you think your mum wont accept its a scam even when faced with the evidence, confornting him might just mean they still have contact and your mum just doesnt tell you anymore, could you do something similar to the 49 eaters?

Set up an account on the same site as your mum, email him and get him to tell you the same things as he has told your mum, i love you and all that rubbish?

lubeybooby · 28/08/2011 18:22

I would really have a serious word with your mum OP as well as scaring him off. She needs to learn, MAKE her listen!

Waltons · 28/08/2011 18:32

I'm a bit worried about you driving it underground, gem. Are you sure that you will still be able to access her MSN or anything other ways she might communicate with him?

I also wouldn't show her this thread now unless you get MNHQ to edit it first. It won't do much for your mum's low self-esteem to see people on here calling her an idiot, even though the post was well meant.

Spuddybean · 28/08/2011 18:34

Just spoke to DP and he said if you have the original email with address and everything he can geolocate the IP address for you.

DP is also ex Military and has been to afghan so asked what has he said about it and that might help him expose him.

mathanxiety · 28/08/2011 19:18

He has not been redeployed. The 4th Infantry Division, 1st Combat Team is at its home base in Fort Carson, Colorado.

I can see how 1950s school English would not raise any suspicions in someone who went to school herself in the 1940s or 50s.

mathanxiety · 28/08/2011 19:26

FigsandWine -- '4th Infantry Division Military Police' might scare him off too.

I think you should take it to the police and ask them to pay a visit to your mum to warn her, without telling her what you are doing. Maybe if they told her they have been investigating this man and his many female contacts and know he is a scammer she would take it seriously?

FabbyChic · 28/08/2011 19:33

Its a great idea to email him. tell him you have involved the police and know what he is up to and that he should sever all contact with your mother and make an excuse not to contact her again.

exexpat · 28/08/2011 19:42

CNN did an expose on these scams a while back - do you think if you watched it with your mother, she might start to have doubts? Maybe that plus a copy of the magazine someone mentioned with an article about them, left lying around....

mathanxiety · 28/08/2011 19:43

4th Infantry Division contact information here if you want to check (international phone call) whether there is a Christopher Cindrich in the ranks. There may well be, because sometimes the scammers do their homework, but maybe Colonel Martindale would like to know about 'his' online activities and that the name of the 4th is being used in vain.