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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my 14 DS doesn't wash, eat or go out.

88 replies

Limara · 25/08/2011 18:31

The only way we can get him to wash is to threaten him. If we didn't threaten him with losing is PS3, telly or computer etc, he wouldn't. The reason we persist is because we know it will make him feel better and it saves our cushions from his greasy hair.

We ran out of cereal this morning so instead of making toast or a sandwich throughout the day, he ate nothing.

He doesn't like to go out because his mates just ride around going 'nowhere' and he finds it boring.

AIBU to find his behaviour odd? Yeah, I know he's a teen but let me know what you think.

OP posts:

Empusa · 25/08/2011 18:33

Sounds like me when I was a teen, I had depression though. How does he seem? More withdrawn than usual? He could just be lazy of course

thesunshinesbrightly · 25/08/2011 18:33

Mine is the same.

AnyFucker · 25/08/2011 18:35

my 15yo rarely goes out, she finds hanging about on the streets boring

when she goes out, it is usually to something specific eg. the cinema

she wouldn't eat if there was nothing in the house, out of sheer bone-idleness (but would then immediately demand food the minute I walked through the door)

she does wash, though...and goes through a bottle of shampoo and a can of deodorant to herself every week

Original poster

Limara · 25/08/2011 18:35

thesunshinesbrightly, nice to know we're not alone eh!

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 25/08/2011 18:36

she is also the laziest person I know

Shinyshoes1 · 25/08/2011 18:36

I have a 14 year old boy and a 10 year old boy.

The 14 yo is exactly how you describe, apart from the going out bit, he goes out ALL day and lives off dust and fresh air. He eats nothing.

They also think that soap will burn their skin or make them disintegrate as they will not go near it.

My 10 year old won't just ride around doing nothing he finds it boring .

He sounds like a mixture of my 2, I wont let either of them sit in all day though on the games consoles

Maryz · 25/08/2011 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabbyChic · 25/08/2011 18:40

My eldest who is now 23 hardly ever went out at that age, in fact I don't think he went out between the ages of 14 and 17.

So? I would rather he was home than hanging on street corners doing nothing and getting into trouble.

I agree he needs to wash but I don't think you should be forcing him out the door.

My kids also wouldn't eat food they did not like, hence I only bought food they did like.

Original poster

Limara · 25/08/2011 18:41

Maryz, he goes to school stinking, always late and spends most of his break/lunchtimes in detention. So far he's spent a total of 3 months 'On Report' over his 3 years in secondary but does well in his tests.

OP posts:

Original poster

Limara · 25/08/2011 18:42

Fabby, no, we don't force him out. We don't force him to eat food he doesn't like. Sorry fabby, did I imply this happened?

OP posts:

greatescape · 25/08/2011 18:47

My son is 13 and we have to tell him he wont be allowed on x box 360 if he doesnt wash or clean his teeth. he doesnt go out. He eats as much rubbish as he can get his hands on.

Rowena8482 · 25/08/2011 18:49

He sounds a lot like my no2 son Limara - in the end we had to literally drag him to the garden, and actually turned on the hose (not actually on him, but it got as far as the water coming out) to get him to give in and bathe. I then had to run the bath, and we had to put him in the bathroom. I told him in no uncertain terms that if he emerged "unclean" and with his hair not washed to my satisfaction, we would go back to the garden and the hose, and I would wash him while DH plied the hose. It took getting to that point to get through to him though :( but thankfully he never got that bad again, and now he actually goes voluntarily into the bath and does the full on primp preen three hours tart's boudoir thing. He was depressed though, he hated school, was bullied almost to the point of self harm, and I eventually took him out and homeschooled him and I still don't think we ever fully got to the bottom of everything that went on there. He still doesn't go out as such socially, but he does go to college, on time, clean and tidy (chef's training so he has to be hygenic) - he's just a loner and likes and is content with his own company.

Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 18:49

Limara I am so with you on the washing thing, and with the other poster who says child's main aim it to eat as much crap as possible without getting found out. With the school issue too, I might be tempted to have a chat with the school's senco when he goes back.

Original poster

Limara · 25/08/2011 18:50

Yeah, forgot about that one. Mine doesn't brush his teeth either

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 25/08/2011 18:53

OH teeth! Mine brush once a day, when my son isn't going out he forgets! Then he gets an absess!

Just insist he washes with regards the eating he will eat when he is hungry.

Original poster

Limara · 25/08/2011 18:56

Mitmoo. I got the senco involved from his first day in yr7. I've always thought he has ADD. I've got so many letters I've sent and received from school. Tbh, I gave up at the last parent evening when I reminded the senco my dd was left-handed and continued to struggle with his handwriting. She said she didn't know this. I referred her to my letter in his first week there nearly 3 years previously

OP posts:

lydiamama · 25/08/2011 18:58

it sounds depressed to me

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 25/08/2011 18:58

Surely once he starts taking an interest in girls, you'll be suffocating in Lynx

Original poster

Limara · 25/08/2011 19:00

If he's depressed, then all the other poster on this thread have depressed kids?

OP posts:

Maryz · 25/08/2011 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fargate · 25/08/2011 19:02

I have my very own soap-dodging teenage DS whose personal care requires more supervision than when he was a toddler. He's usually a great xbox enthusiast but is 'played out' and bored with COD. He will also choose not to eat if I don't provide room service.

Having said that could your DS be depressed? Social withdrawal/not going out is a common sign of depression in young people.

lydiamama · 25/08/2011 19:08

limara I was myselft very depressed at his age, it is more than possible, at 14 he should be full of energy and out and about all day long

Original poster

Limara · 25/08/2011 19:12

fargate-bored with COD? that is worrying!

Maryz- yes school thing is worrying. I've done all I can but it's all too late. I know he has ADD but having worked as a TA, I know teachers can't keep up with all the kids needs in class and after a while, they get fed up with them. If he was diagnosed/labelled at this late age, it would be good only so far as he would get extra exam time.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 25/08/2011 19:14

limara, although I think my dd is the laziest person in the world, she is loved by all at school, including the teachers

I think maryz was spot on when she immediately asked about school

you see, normal teenagers are a fucking pain in the arse at home

but when away from home, if there are problems, then you have a different scenario on your hands, IMO

AnyFucker · 25/08/2011 19:15

lydia, really, 14 yo's are "not full of energy and out and about all day long"

not any of the ones I know, anyway

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