Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my 14 DS doesn't wash, eat or go out.

88 replies

Limara · 25/08/2011 18:31

The only way we can get him to wash is to threaten him. If we didn't threaten him with losing is PS3, telly or computer etc, he wouldn't. The reason we persist is because we know it will make him feel better and it saves our cushions from his greasy hair.

We ran out of cereal this morning so instead of making toast or a sandwich throughout the day, he ate nothing.

He doesn't like to go out because his mates just ride around going 'nowhere' and he finds it boring.

AIBU to find his behaviour odd? Yeah, I know he's a teen but let me know what you think.

OP posts:
Original poster
Limara · 25/08/2011 19:16

Posters who's kids don't/didn't go out, do you think they are/were depressed?:

AnyFucker
FabbyChic
Maryz

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 25/08/2011 19:18

no, limara, I don't think my dd is depressed

but then she isn't having problems at school

she is generally under-achieving because she is very, very lazy....but behaviour wise and demeanour-wise there are no worries from the teachers

fargate · 25/08/2011 19:20

Shocked rather than worried.

I'm quite pleased about it with the beginning of term fast approaching.

Don't mean to worry you about depression, too much. I just think it's worth considering if only to rule it out.

Rowena8482 · 25/08/2011 19:21

Mine was! It was bullying at school though that caused it, not the other way around (well I think) and I was lucky enough to be able to take him out of school tell the school to go fuck themselves when they refused to help us couldn't manage to stop the bullying or help him. Now he still doesn't go out, but isn't depressed, he's just a loner. He does interact with people at college, but doesn't actually seem to like any of them much - it's hard to tell lol, he's not big on communication/conversation.
What's your gut feeling Limara? you know him best!

AnyFucker · 25/08/2011 19:21

limara, I think you should consider depression for your boy, but it ain't necessarily so

Original poster
Limara · 25/08/2011 19:22

It's difficult being my DS's parent. We've done EVERYTHING to help him I mean everything and nothing works. I think he's strange, always have done. One day someone with finally understand where I'm coming from. I blame the parents but we've always tried to get him help, were prepared to accept we are or were the problem and still nada.

OP posts:
fargate · 25/08/2011 19:26

Sorry. I missed the ADD diagnosis.

Dare I say. A trial of meds for his ADD might help his concentration and then improve his confidence and mood.

Original poster
Limara · 25/08/2011 19:29

fargate, can I just go in and ask for them from the doctor. The senco know he has a problem and she does naff all. The school he goes to don't have problem kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
Limara · 25/08/2011 19:31

Sorry guys, I didn't want to make this an in depth thread! I've lived with his behaviour for donkeys years.

OP posts:
Original poster
Limara · 25/08/2011 19:31

Fargate-he has not been diagnosed as such but the school think he has a problem.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 25/08/2011 19:32

Limara, there are people who understand this helplessness you feel

maryz is one of them

she won't be annoyed at me saying that...her trials with her son are well-documented on here

perhaps you will get even more support if you re-post this in the "teenagers" section

teenagers are hard enough... a teenager with problems is enough to fucking kill you x

FabbyChic · 25/08/2011 19:32

My kids weren't depressed they didn't want to do nothing i.e walk the streets. My eldest never went out for three years he spent all his time on the Xbox. he is now 23 and only ventures out once a week as he has a stressful 12 hour a day job.

The youngest goes out once a week to a pub quiz, sometimes he might go to the cinema too but generally he spends all his time watching Jervais on his laptop and on his Xbox 360. It's normal it is not being depressed at all.

Not all kids want to hang around walking the streets.

My son only goes out when he has something specific to do.

kerrymumbles · 25/08/2011 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fargate · 25/08/2011 19:39

Some GPs will prescribe for ADD but not many. I think it might be 'against' NICE guidelines unless they have specialist experience in assessment and treatment of ADD.

Needs to be paediatrician or child psychiatrist, I think. Probably, better a psych to see if he's depressed as well and choice of medication that won't make his mood worse.

Any possibility of himbeing seen privately what with long NHS waiting lists/variable CAMHS provision ??

kerrymumbles · 25/08/2011 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greatescape · 25/08/2011 19:42

If he has special needs you should try and get a DX otherwise school may get fed up with his behaviour and start excluding him. Is he going into year 10?

fargate · 25/08/2011 19:43

Getting muddled myself. Too tired to think.

squeakytoy · 25/08/2011 19:44

Fabby, I wouldnt say that was normal behaviour. It may seem it to you if that is all you have had experience of, but most teens and young adults have friends, and go out to socialise. THAT is normal. Not staying in doors all the time.

Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 19:46

Limara go into the school as the Senco to get a referral to CAMHS, go to the GP ask them for a referral to CAMHS. If you get two referrals it tells CAMHS that he is stuggling both at home and at school. That is what I was told anyway.

He sounds very "normal" in many ways but to be constantly excluded tells me that something else is going on. The "punishments" might just be making him feel worse about himself, then he gets depressed, doesn't go out, doesn't clean, goes back to school, get into trouble, gets more depressed.

It might not be but if you don't get the referral to CAMHS you'll never know. I'd go for it if I were you. Well I did but for different reasons.

PS I love CAMHS.

Original poster
Limara · 25/08/2011 19:47

Fargate- we went to CAHMS but I felt totally flat when the CHAMS nurse said in front of my DS and myself, that she didn't think he had a problem concentrating because he'd managed to concentrated in her session. She gave me two A4 photocopies of home/school strategies for my DS. For fuck sake, I had already told her I'd been using strategies for years to no avail and I was a fucking SEN TA.

OP posts:
greatescape · 25/08/2011 19:47

If he has special needs you need to try and get a dx otherwise school may get fed up of his behaviour and start to exclude him. Is he going into year 10?

Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 19:47

PS dont let a GP diagnose, not sure that they would anyway, this is a specialist field, insist on getting to CAMHS.

Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 19:49

Limaraso sorry to hear that. Do you mind if I ((hugs)). I have had the door closed on me by GP and felt so alone until I got him into CAMHS.

OK, let's see where we go from here. Can you call "MIND" tomorrow and ask them what services are in your area for children who are strugging to cope if the fucking government hasn't cut them all to save money

marriedinwhite · 25/08/2011 19:50

Can you make an appointment with the school - get a CAHM's referral. Not going out just to hang around the streets sounds quite positive to me. Being dirty doesn't and I have a 16 year old and a 12 year old and they are immaculate. Can you get him to take an interest in anything? Help him make friends? It's tough and mine can be difficult but they shower and they eat and they socialise. I think it sounds as though he's lucky because you care enough to ask the question and to try to find some solutions.

Original poster
Limara · 25/08/2011 19:52

I'll give you an example of odd. He has to take Thyroxin every morning. I leave the tablets on a table mat with a glass of water EVERY day. He sits in the same place everyday too. Some days I forget but when i remember, i leave them for him as I go to work. I get home and he says he didn't know who's they were?

OP posts: