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AIBU?

Partner making snide comments on DDs facebook

236 replies

MuckyBogStain · 25/08/2011 14:43

DD is currently away in London for the week and this morning posted a status on facebook about her breakfast saying it was lovely and the chefs can cook.

DP then posted a reply saying "well that's generally what chefs do". A number of people have "liked" DPs reply which to me is a little like group piss-taking.

He's always doing this though and we've talked about it before and his answer is that she shouldn't post "dopey" status updates which he justifies by saying none of the other 14/15 year olds on his facebook post daft comments like she does and that she should have grown out of it by now.

AIBU to see that he's done it again?

OP posts:

Report

cricketballs · 25/08/2011 18:27

agree with you worra

kelly2000 · 25/08/2011 18:30

Does anyone else think it sounds like he has issues with the daughter, maybe jealousy. To not only have her as a friend on facebook, but to keep up to date with her updates, and make nasty remarks on them straight away and then get defensive about it claiming it is her fault for making the comment is weird.

SuePurblybilt · 25/08/2011 18:30

Yes, I am well known for my lack of sense of humour. My entire family call me Humour Fail Sue. You're clearly absolutely right.

Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 18:32

worra it wasn't funny. I do have a sense of humour.

Apart from that what was the point?

If you wanted to break it down you could use tone of voice to change the meaning of DDs sentence. "and the chef's can cook" inferring that at other places she has stayed at the chefs were crap.

You lose tone, voice, body language in the written word. DP should stop being a pratt.

lubeybooby · 25/08/2011 18:33

That's horrible. He is being REALLY rude and it's totally uncalled for. She should block him.

Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 18:33

Sue I don't think we will find the OP's DP's billing at the Edinburgh Festival anytime soon.

kelly2000 · 25/08/2011 18:35

Worra, In this case it was snide, he admits he did not do it to be funny. Picking on another person trying to belittle them is bullying regardless of whether it makes the bully laugh or not. I do not understand why someone can say something that hurts another person, and then keeping doing it knowing full well they are causing hurt by claiming that it amuses them and therefore the other person should also be amused.

Mitmoo · 25/08/2011 18:44

Kelly it is particularly nasty when it is an adult doing it to a child.

kelly2000 · 25/08/2011 18:58

agreed, and just creepy.

lubeybooby · 25/08/2011 19:02

Agreed 100% with kelly2000 and Mitmoo

Thistledew · 25/08/2011 19:02

My first thought on reading the OP was "does it really matter? It's not the worse thing, and if they otherwise have a loving relationship, let them sort it out between them".

However, thinking about it a bit more, it would be something that would bother me if I was in the OP's shoes.

When Ii was a child and teenager, my otherwise loving mother used to 'tease' me- just what she saw as gentle mocking if I got too big for my boots, or was a bit daft about something. She said that she did this because I was an only child and did not have siblings to tease me.

Unfortunately, it didn't really work. As a child, I did not have the vocal armoury to respond in kind. Also, it is not the sort of approach that squares with bringing up your child to be respectful of, and not cheeky to adults. I remember vividly one time when I was so frustrated with her teasing that I kicked her up the bum. We were both shocked, but I do remember my instinctive thought was "well, what does she expect?".

Sadly, all it taught me was not to answer back or defend myself when people were mean to me, and I think directly contributed to putting up with years of bullying in secondary school.

So, if your DP is happy for your daughter to tell him to piss off if he is mean to her, or to give as good as she gets when he makes a mistake, then let him continue. If he doesn't expect to have a relationship with her that puts him on a level with her peers, he needs to stop.

WidowWadman · 25/08/2011 19:09

Is it really so unusual to have your stepchildren on your friends list?

seeker · 25/08/2011 19:10

Parents should not be their children's friends on Facebook.

exoticfruits · 25/08/2011 19:12

I'm surprised they let you-mine don't!

SouthernFriedTofu · 25/08/2011 19:13

FFS that's what FB is for, if he hadn't said it one of her mates would have.

Kayano · 25/08/2011 19:22

Just putting my 2 cents in.

DD stated the obvious

DP stated the obvious

That's it really. Can't believe people would compare it or call it bullying. It's just daft banter and IMO op and DD overreacting

cricketballs · 25/08/2011 19:24

seeker why?

flippinada · 25/08/2011 19:24

Its been said before but why on earth does an adult have 'loads' of 14/15 year olds on their facebook? Family I can understand but....

As a one off, its not a big deal but if there's a history of sniping/nasty comments then DD is entitled to...well, feel however she feels really.

That kind of behaviour from an adult to a child is pretty questionable to say the least.

flippinada · 25/08/2011 19:25

Telling someone they are overreacting to something that has upset them is a classic bullying tactic, by the way.

PuppyMonkey · 25/08/2011 19:25

Sounds like banter to me too. Shrugs.

Kayano · 25/08/2011 19:27

For real?
I'm not a bully just stating my opinion on a public forum...
I do think it's a bit of an OTT reaction, it's not
Like he said DD was being stupid or calling her names or anything, it's just a comment!

flippinada · 25/08/2011 19:28

Not necessarily PuppyMonkey

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exoticfruits · 25/08/2011 19:31

If you were 14yrs would you want your mother on FB cricketballs? I wouldn't. I know that I read that someone aged 20 something left when she had her mother posting 'goodnight my darling-sleep tight'!

flyingspaghettimonster · 25/08/2011 19:32

I have this issue with my biological father, always writing sarcastic little pointless digs at me... for example I posted that my son had a really bad nosebleed in macdonald's play area, the first ever so it surprised us, and my father comes up with 'serves you right for feeding MY grandchildren junk food'. Another time I posted pictures of the diaper cakes I had made for a charity give away, wrapped in celophane with a tonne of curling ribbons, he commented 'looks like a load of bin bags... don't tell me you've learned to take your own rubbish out now?'

It is irritating, hurtful and a bit stressful when someone persists in doing this. Tell your OH that. Every time I see 'bio. father has commented on your status' emails, my heart sinks as I know it will be some other dickhead remark aimed at spoiling my enjoyment of something.

flippinada · 25/08/2011 19:32

Yes 'For Real' Kayano.

I am not calling you a bully, just pointing out that it's a tactic frequently used by bullies.

Its all about context, anyway. If its a one off comment then of course its no big deal. But OP says he's man is 'always' doing it, which means this kind of thing isn't a one off.

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