to not let my 10 year old DD read Twilight?

[inatrance]

My 10 year old DD is a very keen reader and has read all Harry Potter, some Phillip Pullman etc and is now desperate to read Twilight.

My take on this has been a firm 'no' but earlier today in the library DD had her friend with her (who is 11) and kept on and on about it and that her friend had read it and I caved and let her take them out.

I still wasn't happy about it, my reasons being that I don't feel that books with a 'romantic' theme are suitable for a 10 year old and also that I feel that Twilight gives some seriously dodgy messages for a young girl about what 'love' is and isn't. I also think Edward is a controlling arse and that Stephanie Mayer ought to be shot for teaching a generation of teenage girls that love=control and that life without a boyfriend just isn't worth living. That's just for starters.

My DH agrees that Twilight is unsuitable reading for a child (he used to be a children's librarian) so we have decided that it's best that she doesn't read them.

However I read all sorts of stuff at her age and I'm worried that by banning it, it will take on even greater appeal. So I'm a bit torn.

DD still isn't speaking to me and thinks I'm being desperately unreasonable. Am I?

yabu

Let your dd read it and make up he r o wn mind. I really don't see what you're frightened of. That a book is going to spoil all her relationships with men?

I was in Y6 when I started being curious about sex. Remember being at my friend's house and laughing our heads off at finding her parents' copy of The Joy of Sex. Also managed to get various Judy Blume books out of the library (despite them supposed to be 13+, I looked somewhat older which helped ). I was also still reading the Enid Blyton Adventure series, and equally fascinated with, I dunno- cats, pizza, sweets, netball, rounders and CBBC. I was absolutely in love with Philip Schofield at that age- I guess he was about 23 then!

I think it's normal for girls of that age to be interested in reading about relationships. What most influences them re relationships though is their parents' realationship.

My friend's mum banned her from watching Grange Hill at that age. I found this very strange.

At ten I used to read Point Horror, and Sweet Valley High. She'll read it, love it, and then move onto the next.

Let's not forget though that Bella spends most of the middle two books ripping her top off and asking when they're going to have sex then and Eddie refuses until she marries him!

Argh I agree with practically everyone on this thread, and was inclined to let her but talk about it after with her, but DH has pointed out that if I do that NOW I'm asking for trouble!

As in I had refused to let her, then did let her get them out from the library, then retracted that upon discussion with DH, so as it stands it's a 'no'.

If I back down now and say yes, it is highly likely that she will take the 'badgering' approach until she gets what she wants next time, and may well lose respect for me... Or are we over-thinking it?

Also, that if I agree to letting her read the first one on the basis that she will probably find a way to read them anyway, how could I stop her from reading the last one? (which is the one I think is most unsuitable)

I'm thinking of a compromise perhaps of getting her the first two for Xmas and saying she can read the last two when she starts secondary school next year or something? I really don't want to stifle her enjoyment of reading but really would rather she waited a while before reading the last two...

And my mum banned me from grange hill as well! Though my reading was uncensored.. Think the grange hill thing was due to the adult themes and drugs, but I still went on to try my fair share of illegal substances and be an all round nightmare teen nonetheless...

This is my karma isn't it?

I'd say if you tell her to wait until Christmas, chances are she'll read them in her lunch hour a looooooong time before that

I'd just say that you've had a chat with Dad and you are not giving way because she's badgered you, but because you've thought about it really carefully and realise that you trust her to make up her own mind about the book. Make a big deal out of it being a positive thing that YOU have decided off your own bat, not a "oh ffs alright" kind of thing.

If you want to be mega evils you could say that you have decided you'd like to read the books together - so she can have the book, but you'll be reading it aloud to her as a bedtime story (my mum and sister and I read together for years, until I was into my teens, but mainly things like Pride and Prejudice. I loved it, and it's some of my happiest memories, but I would have been mortified if she'd said "ok you can read Flowers in the Attic but only if we read it together". That's probably too mean though )

While I agree that Buffy is a far better role model (never read the Twilight books but laughed my way through the film on Channel4 last week!) she is not suitable for a 10th - if you look at the DVDs most of them are rated 15.

Far more accurate on the vampire lore too [scoffs at the "sparkly" vampires]

I have heard the Twilight series described as, "One girl's choice between necrophilia and bestiality'!

Yes, Edward in the books is a twunt. Team Jacob here. However there is no sex in them (except the last one) and I think they're pretty harmless. Hopefully she'll be Team Jacob too?!

I personally don't think you should censor what your children read (with obvious extreme exceptions like the Maquis de Sade!) but then I was reading Sidney Sheldon at 13.

Am with those who say she'll read it anyway, and would be best if she didn't have to do it in secret.

Is there a well-written, accessible for kids, critique of these awful books, highlighting the issues and author's agenda that could be given to kids to read in addition? If not, someone should write one!

I really don't understand all this "don't ban, it will only make them more attractive" talk. Is it just because we re talking about books, or do you taille the same stance about other things? Some things are not age-appropriate so I will not allow them. Books as well as films, computer games, facebook, magazines... Surely that is my job as a parent? I understand that things might happen without my knowledge unfortunately, but nevertheless I think it's important that I have made it clear to my dd that I disapprove and why.

Films and computer games are much easier to ban, and I did. Books are virtually impossible, if they are readily available for the age group. Of course you can make it plain that you disapprove and why-but some DCs would see that as a challenge! I made quite sure that my mother had no idea if I was reading something that she had made it plain that she disapproved of-mainly she didn't but I knew full well what she wouldn't have liked and so didn't tell her. We had certain books that went around the class in plain covers!

How times change-I read my 'First Book of Pan Horror Stories' age 11. Bought for me by my best friend of the same age....Read it & weep. I am very normal btw.......

I remember hiding in my parents' closet to read the copy of Stephen King's " 'Salem's Lot" that they'd hidden there. I was about 10. That's a proper vampire story. Scared the crap out of me, too.

Remembering some of the sex scenes....there was a reason they hid it. :)

I'm 55 now btw........

Whilst I agree with all your negative views of the Twilight series, I don't think I would ever censor my child's reading materials based on a bit of teen angst romance. My parents tried to censor my reading as a kid (went through a phase of buying those True Crime mags) and it bugged me and made me take horror novels out of the library that were totally inappropriate. As a consequence I would lie awake half the night expecting monsters to leap out of the wardrobe.

Can you not persuade her to read the Vampire Lestat instead? I loved the first few of that series at around her age, before it dawned on me how pretentious Anne Rice was. Has she read The Hobbit/Lord of The Rings? Maybe instead of telling her 'no' to a book all her friends are allowed to read, encourage her love of reading by getting the classics for her... plenty of romance and angst there, but better writing.

Don't let her read Stephanie Meyer because she's a cr*p writer. Stephen King said so, on the record. Also Alex Day said so and he really knows what he's talking about cos he's a teenager.

This is why I have made it abundantly clear to my DD that I have read them, and thought they were shite! We have discussed why they were shite and the messages they give and she is now as dismissive of them as I am!
I obviously wouldnt do this with every book she would ever read, (lets face it, 'Forever' by Judy Bloom is pretty naff, but is also standard reading for your average 14yo!) but Twilight is pointless, irresponsibly written dross of the first water!

Parents trying to censor my reading would have bugged me and made me determined to read something, when I wouldn't have bothered otherwise. My whole point is that you are immediately giving it added glamour-which seems counter productive.

I still don't understand why I would give in on books just because they're harder to ban.

Anyway, my dd is ten as well and there are so many age appropriate books out there that she can get through first!

Of course you don't have to give up. All I am saying is that just because you say she can't read them doesn't mean she won't-and you will never know.

Oh just let her read them but point her to some better literature as well. Also afterwards talk to her about your opinion about the books. I read all sorts of guff as a young teenager and in the end I'm coping with relationships, motherhood, jobs etc, etc.

I found with mine, that rather than banning them, it was far better to introduce them to good literature at the same time and have a wide selection. They are not silly, they work it out for themselves and it is much more valuable than Mum working it out for them. My rule of thumb is that if you can get it in the public library, children or teens section then it is OK for them to choose it.

Yes, I agree that fundamentally book banning is different from film-banning.

For lots of reasons - of which access is only one.

It's true that books are far easier to borrow and read covertly - try watching a DVD in secret - it's much harder. (Though I guess this is likely to change with increased access to smart-phones and the internet - some of the stats on the age children now access porn for the first time are horrific)

But also I think books don't need banning as much because they are a different experience. They have to be interpreted in a way that a film doesn't. I'd say a book gets 50% of its power from the writer and 50% from the reader - if the reader doesn't get the references or isn't ready for it, most of it will go over their head because so much is between the lines or couched in language they simply won't know.

Whereas a film is more like 90% the film-maker's, and 10% the watcher's. You don't have to know a lot about sex to understand what's going on in a porn scene.

Also a book has to be actively read - you have to keep turning the pages and picking it up day after day - if a child is being truly disturbed by something then they're more likely to put it down. Whereas a film unfolds itself and you're the passive consumer, you have to make the choice to stop, which is the opposite to reading a book where you have to make the choice to continue.

But to be fair, I don't remember my mum banning films either though - she just refused to collude in us accessing them which is different. If we got to watch them at friends' houses she wasn't overly bothered, she just didn't want to be the one borrowing Nightmare on Elm Street or whatever. The same with Flowers in the Attic and crap - she wasn't the one getting them out of the library and thrusting them into my hands. She just didn't censor it if we'd already accessed them ourselves.