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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my 10 year old DD read Twilight?

134 replies

inatrance · 23/08/2011 22:09

My 10 year old DD is a very keen reader and has read all Harry Potter, some Phillip Pullman etc and is now desperate to read Twilight.

My take on this has been a firm 'no' but earlier today in the library DD had her friend with her (who is 11) and kept on and on about it and that her friend had read it and I caved and let her take them out.

I still wasn't happy about it, my reasons being that I don't feel that books with a 'romantic' theme are suitable for a 10 year old and also that I feel that Twilight gives some seriously dodgy messages for a young girl about what 'love' is and isn't. I also think Edward is a controlling arse and that Stephanie Mayer ought to be shot for teaching a generation of teenage girls that love=control and that life without a boyfriend just isn't worth living. That's just for starters.

My DH agrees that Twilight is unsuitable reading for a child (he used to be a children's librarian) so we have decided that it's best that she doesn't read them.

However I read all sorts of stuff at her age and I'm worried that by banning it, it will take on even greater appeal. So I'm a bit torn.

DD still isn't speaking to me and thinks I'm being desperately unreasonable. Am I?

OP posts:
Theas18 · 24/08/2011 08:12

My rule is the can read anything they want. IMHO my kids stop reading if it isn't the sort of thing they like and understand stuff at their own level. I'd probably read them myself and discuss it if I was concerned to see how they were understanding it etc

For instance I can't read 1st world war stuff- I see blood, disease, bits of bodies, kids like my own drowning in mud etc dd1 saw old men shot neatly in the head- nit the same nightmare at all.

emkana · 24/08/2011 08:27

Exotic fruits, my dd whi is 10 chose a book that was inappropriate at the book store the other day and I told her she was too young to read it. At 10 I very much still expect to monitor what she is reading. And I certainly wouldn't allow Twilight.

exoticfruits · 24/08/2011 08:33

That is fine emkana, just as long as you realise that she might not stick to it.
I had a very sheltered upbringing but it didn't stop me reading what I wanted to read! I made sure that my mother didn't know-so you won't have a clue about your DD.
I didn't choose inappropriate books-they would have had no interest. I had a library ticket and chose my own-I would have taken a dim view of having to pass them through my mother first. She got her books, I got mine-undisturbed. I borrowed from friends.
The reason Roald Dahl is so successful is that he knew DCs love to read what their parent's hate!

tryingtoleave · 24/08/2011 08:33

Are people talking about Darcy or Rochester?

tryingtoleave · 24/08/2011 08:36

It is tricky.

I also read flowers in the attic, hiding in the library as a fairly innocent twelve year old. But at ten I think I was still reading the babysitters club and Judy Blume. I would be concerned about her reading the last book in the series, as the sex is fairly disturbing ( Bella covered in bruises and enjoying it). And if she starts she will want to finish. For some reason I don't understand it is totally gripping at the same time that it is totally crap.

tryingtoleave · 24/08/2011 08:38

Is ten old enough to understand the issues if you do want to discuss why some parts of twilight are problematic?

Cyclebump · 24/08/2011 08:39

YANBU, I was a bit surprised by the sexual element being so prominent. I only have a baby DS at the moment but I'd be uncomfortable with my nieces reading it.

emkana · 24/08/2011 08:39

IMO and e there is a world of difference between 12/13 and 10. At 10 I still vet everything she reads, including what she takes out of the library.

TrillianAstra · 24/08/2011 08:39

They're talking about Darcy - and wrongly I think.

Darcy didn't ruin Jane's chances of making a good marriage, he just made it unlikely that she would make that marriage. He told his friend "it looks like she's not that into you, and her family are an embarrassing PITA, so best leave it eh?". Not bad advice, and not maliciously meant.

exoticfruits · 24/08/2011 08:59

I just don't think that you can monitor it. I was a great one for reading under the bedclothes with a torch! I don't know Twilight so can't comment, it seems to be the sort of thing that you wouldn't want a 10yr old to read but I'm sure that if I was 10 and everyone was reading them I would borrow and smuggle into the house.
At 10yrs I was an avid reader of the problem pages in women's magazines-my aunt had piles of them. Something I'm sure that my mother would have discouraged had she known-I only mentioned it to her recently.

MrsRobertDuvall · 24/08/2011 09:07

I would let her read them and then move on.
I read everything and everything as a child...Dennis Wheatley, Harold Robbins at 11.....
I have never read Twilight, but probably would have done at her age.

Melly20MummyToPoppy · 24/08/2011 09:17

I agree with other posters saying let her read them but turn it into a book club type thing and discuss them afterwards.

For anyone who is a Twilight fan, my mum is on holiday, staying in Seattle, USA, and she went on a 2 day trip to Forks, and she stayed in the 'Cullens' house (which is totally different to the films btw). I am so very Envy

VictorGollancz · 24/08/2011 09:18

The OP's daughter should definitely read them if that's what she wants - but I'd be making sure it sparked off a conversation about the issues in the book. I'd also be shoving something like the Discworld books for children in her direction and hoping she takes the hint. Tiffany Aching would dropkick Edward Cullen!

BertieBotts · 24/08/2011 09:36

I think they have awful messages about what constitutes "romance" too. Although I think that possibly it would be less damaging to read them at 10 or so when the messages are likely to go over her head, than 14 or so when she's really starting to get into boys and form a fledgling image of what kind of relationship she wants to attract.

I wouldn't ban them but I think I'd be suggesting other books to read as well, to counter the message. And make sure you talk to her as she gets older using your own real experience (teenagers always seem to think parental advice based on theory is hopelessly outdated and/or excessively cautious)

I'd like to collate a list of good books for teens which counter the messages in twilight, I can find a few by googling, but the only one I've read is "Amy" which is about an internet relationship which goes wrong.

kitya · 24/08/2011 09:44

Your daughter sounds very bright!! I asked my 10 year old niece the other day why she was starting on the 4th Harry Potter book when she hadnt read the others? she replied that she didnt nead to "obviously" because she had watched the first three films!! I tried to explain that the books are always better than the films but, she was having none of it.

I know it doesnt help but, I was reading Jackie Collins under the covers at ten because I had heard my mum and her sisters whispering about The Stud.

Ilovegeorgeclooney · 24/08/2011 09:55

Get her to read the Skulduggery Pleasant series, hilarious, very well written and excellent female heroine!

TillyIpswitch · 24/08/2011 10:00

YABU but in the nicest possible way, since I completely understand your concerns.

There were a couple of series of books which were contraband in my house growing up - Sweet Valley High, since it is complete pile of steaming turd, and The Clan of the Cave Bear for the sex scenes. SVW - another girl at school had the whole series and used to dish them out like crack for all of us poor souls who weren't allowed them. Clan of the Cave Bear I just got out of the library and read them undercover. Where there's a will there's a way - you'd be better off allowing it, and as others say, discussing the various issues with her.

I do also think it's really important not to under-estimate kids. I remember full well reading those Sweet Valley High books and deep-down knowing they were utter tut; that Jessica was a whiny spoilt bitch and that Elizabeth was as wet as a weekend in Skegness, but I still loved the stories and was quickly able to look back with adult understanding to see them for what they were.

If your DD is being given the right sort of love and support outside her reading material, then I really don't think you need to lose too much sleep over it all.

Grin

Oh, and I thought Darcy was a great hero! And in no way comparable to Edward. Hmm Instead of the heroine twisting and contorting herself into some sort ideal to get her man, it was Darcy who changed himself into a decent and honourable sort of person in order to win Elizabeth. And this was in the 19th century, too!! Definitely a book I will be pushing my DD to read.

MsWeatherwax · 24/08/2011 10:08

It IS unsuitable - but given she wants to read them and will probably find a way, it might be better to be open about it. Read them with her, if possible, point out things/criticise/open discussion on the dodgy bits and ask her what her opinion is. Also find her some fantasy books with strong female role models in, maybe something like Garth Nix's Sabriel, or Chris Wooding's Poison. She will find the messages in Twilights are also in lots of other books, films, general media so more effective to increase her awareness of the problems.

CheerfulYank · 24/08/2011 10:17

MMMmmmmm....Darcy.....

sieglinde · 24/08/2011 10:26

I hate, loathe and abominate the Twilight books, but I let my dd read them because she wanted to and I'm too liberal to ban anything.

Here's my strategy, which worked a treat. I got her to find the unintentionally funny bits, particularly the hammy bad writing, and read them aloud to me while I was toiling in the kitchen. I helped her find youtube parodies of the film and then she found lots for herself. She became a kind of expert on dissing Twilight and dissing Bella's wussiness. I also provided lots of films and books which are better-written light romances, like Pride and Prejudice, which she adores, and a series called the Sorcery and Cecelia books. she finished the first book, but gave up on the second because it was - her words - incredibly boring. :)

And sorry, wordfactory, I do and don't agree. I wish I COULD get a vicarious thrill from Twilight, or for that matter HP, but I just kept tripping over the writing. Like trying to enjoy someone who can't sing in tune.

CabbitMel · 24/08/2011 10:30

If it is perceived as forbidden she will only want to read it more. I suggest you let her read them. You can always balance the reading of this book with something that you find more appropriate; maybe in the form of an audiobook whilst driving? Kind regards.

sieglinde · 24/08/2011 10:33

Late thoughts - Darcy is not liable to kill Lizzy and he likes her mind and her intelligent sparky speeches, not her smell.

Mrs Weatherwax, agree utterly about Sabriel - the Abhorsen series - and I also countered with selected Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes, though the Op will want to check them out for adult content. But Buffy, like Tiffany Aching, kicks ass as opposed to being an ass.

NickettyNacketty · 24/08/2011 10:36

Agree with wordfactory.
Reading a book about manipulative vampires in strange relationships will not suddenly make your DD into a victim.
Reading a wide variety of books is "fun" -DD1(12) she read Twilight at 10.

porcamiseria · 24/08/2011 10:50

dont be ridiculous, I was reading LACE and the secret garden at that age

its silly stuff but fine for a 10 year old

MadameBoo · 24/08/2011 10:54

I read Pride and Prejudice aged 11, but I don't think you appreciate just how funny it is until you read it as an adult. It is my top favourite book of all time. Twilight in comparison is like a trashy magazine, or a bag of sweets, vaguely amusing but pretty much instantly forgettable.