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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel that giving up breastfeeding is like stopping smoking?

124 replies

ThroughTheRoundWindow · 22/08/2011 19:47

My LO is 7 months now and is getting on so well with her BLW that she has had a massive growth spurt and jumped two centile lines on her growth chart. My health visitor said that she wasn't concerned with DD's weight "yet" but I should not be giving her any breast feeds during the day anymore. This was a surprise as I thought the point of BLW was that the baby took less milk when she wanted to, but at the same time I don't want her to actually get fat so I'm trying to take HV's advice.

The thing is, stopping feeding is loads harder than I ever imagined. Leaving aside the engorged breasts I just desperately miss the intimacy with my daughter and am finding it incredibly difficult not to offer her the breast when she asks for it. I'm pretty sure she isn't going hungry or thirsty but I think she misses the closeness too and keeps going for my boob when I cuddle her. I've told my DH that I shouldn't be breastfeeding and so all weekend whenever I went to offer DD the boob he gave me dirty looks or told me not too. My breasts really hurt and I felt desperate to do it - it's an exaggeration to compare it directly to giving up smoking as it isn't as sharp a craving, but there is a similar feeling of loss.

Today DH was at work at I fed DD twice during the day. I know it isn't in her or my best interests to be inconsistent with this but it is so hard not to do it!

AIBU to be so weak?

OP posts:

tubsandedward · 22/08/2011 22:36

As a HV, I can tell you that this advice is absolute bollocks so please please ignore it and feed your baby when ever you need to. Forget the centile chart. If you are BLW and breast feeding on demand then your baby will regulate her own food intake and her weight will not be an issue in the long term. Report this HV!

CardyMow · 22/08/2011 22:45

Oh - and he jumped 2 centile lines for weight about 6 weeks ago - just before he started crawling. Got an odd look from the HV, so I made her measure him...and he'd jumped 2 centiles for his height too! In other words, he had just got 'bigger' generally, you can't weigh the same at 86cm as you do at 80cm or you'd be severely underweight...I have bf all my dc, DD is 13.5yo now, and is exactly the weight she should be for her height, DS1 is 9.5yo, and his weight centile matches his height centile, DS2 is 7.10yo, and his weight is on the low side of average for his height.

What I'm trying to say, for the benefit of you & your DH, is that bf babies tend to grow up to have a better idea of when they are full up, thus they tend not to overeat as older dc. So your DD is more than likely just gaining a bit of weight as she will be crawling soon, 6 weeks down the line, and DS3 has dropped just over a centile again, as he is into everything crawling all over now.

Whatmeworry · 22/08/2011 23:08

You speak as if breastfeeding is some sort of 'out there' alternative, whacky thing to do

Eh? I said MNers skew towards BF ( as opposed to FF ), not that it's whacky!

I was a bit concerned as IMO the tendency here to trash an HVs advice with no further data than an OPs post on a forum, and I would take real life advice as my experiencevof health pros is by and large they know what they are doi g and have the patients interest at heart.

The HV in this case may be an eejit, I can't tell, but neither can anyone else so tbh I think it's irresponsible to say ignore or report (her?).

I like the idea of a 2 nd opinion.

GoingToHelenaHandcart · 22/08/2011 23:14

DS1 was EBF until he was on solids. However, by 7 months or so he wasn't get much of his calorific intake via the breast, I could just tell he was mucking about.

And 8 months old one night he was mucking about something awful, and I was going out. I handed him to Dh and said feed him supper, and left. He never again had another breast feed, and I think both of us had reached hte natural end.

DD1 was only B/f (badly) for two weeks, and I sobbed while trying to express to top up and sobbed when we decided formula was the route for her, but it WAS the right decison for her.

In neither case did I find I had an addiction to breastfeeding, there are lots of other ways to be close to your children. I do think it is the best method of feeding, if it works, but having done both I am probalby closed to the formula fed one!

wonderstuff · 22/08/2011 23:31

My DD was a total boobie monster, she went up and up centile charts, she had dimples in the middle of her forearms and a couple of creases in her thighs - proper chubby - and actually the HV wasn't concerned because she was breastfed - weighed, did the cats bum face, asked how I fed - (though I did start to wean at 4 months because HV said WHO advise was for African babies who grow more slowly - don't know whats worse -the fact she said it or the fact I believed her..) . I fed on demand until about 18 months then just fed at bedtime till she was 2 - she's 3 and a half now and just perfect - she thinned out when she started running around. I think that if your diet is good and you don't have any weight issues its very likely your daughter will be just fine.

libelulle · 22/08/2011 23:36

Whatme actually you are wrong. Not feeding a breastfed, blw 7mo any breastmilk during the day is categorically bad advice. There are just no circs in which it would be a sensible thing to advise. Ergo the hv is indeed an idiot.

hairfullofsnakes · 22/08/2011 23:51

OP there is nothing you could give your child that is better than breastmilk! And it will not make her fat - please get this untrue notion out of your head. My dd is 23 months and still bf on demand - once or twice in the day now and morning an evening - and se led the way and still does on her breastmilk intake! Please report this stupid HV for her insane advice

And your husband is also a twit for his behaviour

hairfullofsnakes · 22/08/2011 23:54

Whatme - the HV IS giving bad bad advice - there is no way or reason for her to say stop giving breastmilk in the day (I support bf women and know a fee things on this too)

So yes, she should be reported for her totally stupid advice

hairfullofsnakes · 23/08/2011 00:00

Oh and op, it's normal for babies of seven months to have some chub! If you look at bf babies though, their 'chub' is quite different to formula fed babies and once all babies start to move and grow more they lengthen out (as lon as their diet is good obviously!)

SpeedyGonzalez · 23/08/2011 00:04

If you don't want to stop breastfeeding at 7 months, then don't. When she starts teething you will be thankful that you have one meal she doesn't spurn due to painful gums. And that she'll still be benefitting from LOADS of nutrition, water, your immunity, comfort and cuddles, etc etc etc.

Your HV is wacko.

TillyIpswitch · 23/08/2011 00:48

I hear what you're saying Whatme but if the OP is relating her HV's advice exactly as she gave it, then this is bad advice; there's no room for interpretation.

Also, there may be more breastfeeders on MN as a proportion than in real life, but I would argue vigorously that it is actually skewed towards breastfeeding. Breastfeeders make up a tiny percentage of the baby-feeding population so that even if there are proportionally more on MN, I'm willing to bet that we as a group still easily skew towards formula feeding.

In any case... If someone went onto a motoring forum that had a heavy proportion of motorcycle riders with a motorcycling problem and everyone gave the same advice, would you say to them, 'look, this place is skewed towards motorcyclers, you're better off getting advice from real life'?

Again, the best option all round is to get a second professional opinion, but to question the advice given here when it is a). given by people with direct experience and b). unanimous just seems a bit odd.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 23/08/2011 06:21

Hairfullofsnakes

How is 'breastfed babies' chub different from formula fed babies'?' Does their fat grow differently? Is it a different consistency? Please explain!

OP, All babies pretty much get fat around this time in preparation for crawling then walking. It's physiologically normal and healthy.

Wincher · 23/08/2011 09:06

Totally agree with all the posts here, but just wanted to add that I do see the comparison with quitting smoking, which I did a couple of years ago. My DD is now down to three breastfeeds, first thing, lunchtime and bedtime, and she doesn't have the lunchtime one on nursery days (this is a new thing so my boobs have not yet adjusted). The other day I picked her up after nursery but couldn't really enjoy my time with her as my boobs were really engorged and uncomfortable and I was longing for the bedtime feed. It was very like a cigarette craving. Once I had fed her the relief was enormous.

fifitot · 23/08/2011 09:30

Not sure how their chubbiness differs significantly. I know BF babies grow more quickly in the first 4 months apx compared to ff but then they tend to get a bit leaner after that. That's what I have read of course. I expect the differences are not that significant and other factors play a part.

I know there is something about BF babies not gaining too much weight as they can moderate their own intake and only take what they require. Don't know if that's relevant...

firstforthought · 23/08/2011 09:35

don't want her to get fat? and "food is for fun until the age of one".

vanimal · 23/08/2011 09:38

I breastfed DD2 until she was 14mo and still miss it now, a year later. I found it hard to stop. YANBU

EmmaRoyd · 23/08/2011 12:15

FWIW I do understand your smoking analogy. You crave it, you get pysical relief from it, it's a real test of willpower and it's always much harder when you give up because you think you should, rather than you actually want to.

The difference is that smoking is bad for you!! You are finding stopping breastfeeding so hard because someone has told you too and neither you or your baby sound ready to stop. Please don't stop before you are ready, you will really regret it.

MeconiumHappens · 23/08/2011 12:52

Crap advice from health visitor, feed your little baby :)

Solo · 23/08/2011 12:58

What the hell is wrong with some of these so called professionals?!!! why would you need to stop daytime bfeeds? It is better for your baby to be bf on demand for as long as you can and want to and your baby is less likely to get 'fat' if you continue to give her your milk.

Ponyclubmum · 23/08/2011 14:10

My HV is utterly useless too, so I totally agree with what everyone else has said here. Your baby will not have a weight problem - and so long as she eats healthy, nutritious food alongside the breast milk, there will not be a problem. Give her as much milk as she wants, and enjoy BFing for as long as you both like!

ReshapeWhileDamp · 23/08/2011 14:11

BLW and breastfeeding on demand both work well on the principle that your baby self-regulates her intake. Her tiny stomach is not going to be stretched inappropriately, nor is she going to be obese because you're breastfeeding alongside solids. I mean, would the HV have said 'lay off the bottlefeeds now that she's putting on weight and is on solids'? At 7 months??

Childhood obesity is a problem, yes, but it's very much the topic of the moment. Sounds like the HV has a box to tick and isn't bothering to tax her brain very much while she does it.

Solo · 23/08/2011 14:56

My HV is great, very knowledgable etc, but even she was when I said that Dd was still bfing at 2years old. Not sure what her face would look like if she knew that I was still bfing her at 4.8

Breast milk can also protect your Dc's from diabetes and various other illnesses from what I know.

SpeedyGonzalez · 23/08/2011 23:02

Solo!!! Howya doing?

You know, I missed the bit of the OP where the HV implied that the DD might develop a weight problem because of BFing post 7 months. So here's my professional analysis of that claim:

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh, dear, some people just ooze comedy without even trying!

Solo · 23/08/2011 23:16

Hello pretty lady! How are yoooou Speedy?!!! been a while ! and how is Speedy the younger?

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