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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel that giving up breastfeeding is like stopping smoking?

124 replies

ThroughTheRoundWindow · 22/08/2011 19:47

My LO is 7 months now and is getting on so well with her BLW that she has had a massive growth spurt and jumped two centile lines on her growth chart. My health visitor said that she wasn't concerned with DD's weight "yet" but I should not be giving her any breast feeds during the day anymore. This was a surprise as I thought the point of BLW was that the baby took less milk when she wanted to, but at the same time I don't want her to actually get fat so I'm trying to take HV's advice.

The thing is, stopping feeding is loads harder than I ever imagined. Leaving aside the engorged breasts I just desperately miss the intimacy with my daughter and am finding it incredibly difficult not to offer her the breast when she asks for it. I'm pretty sure she isn't going hungry or thirsty but I think she misses the closeness too and keeps going for my boob when I cuddle her. I've told my DH that I shouldn't be breastfeeding and so all weekend whenever I went to offer DD the boob he gave me dirty looks or told me not too. My breasts really hurt and I felt desperate to do it - it's an exaggeration to compare it directly to giving up smoking as it isn't as sharp a craving, but there is a similar feeling of loss.

Today DH was at work at I fed DD twice during the day. I know it isn't in her or my best interests to be inconsistent with this but it is so hard not to do it!

AIBU to be so weak?

OP posts:

TheRealMBJ · 22/08/2011 20:40

I'm sorry Whatme but my experience with HVs and that of other mother's I have met, does not indicate that at all.

Undoubtably there must be some good, well-informed HVs out there but, every one I met and have heard of (in our area at least) are uselessly poorly informed, purveyors of old wives tales and biased against breastfeeding mothers.

TribbleWithoutACause · 22/08/2011 20:41

Right first off, that woman is an idiot. NO BF baby I know of has gone to two feeds a day at seven months old doing BLW.

If it helps, my LO has jumped from the 25th to the 75th percentile and he really chunked up. However, it all evens out when they start moving. DS is now all over the shop and has grown taller but has slimmed down a bit. It's just the way that some babies grow.

Iggly · 22/08/2011 20:42

Your baby will have had a massive growth spurt around 6/7 months hence putting on weight. It usually precedes them beginning to move around when they're less interested in feeding so need the fat to keep up the energy. Babies don't grow in a nice linear fashion as per the "curve" in the red book. That is an average pattern.

My DS was the same - massive chunker at 6 months. Then he got really ill with some nasty viruses and I was thankful he had the fat to lose (which he did).

Dairy is not exactly the best thing in the world - look at the cultures that consume plenty of dairy (i.e. the western world) and how fat they are?!

Your HV is, for example, a twat.

MightyQuim · 22/08/2011 20:42

OP speak to your gp, phone la leche league etc and get some more advice. HVs can and do get it wrong. I very much doubt your child would even lose weight from having full fat dairy at every meal rather than being bf. Surely lower calorie foods such as lean meat and veg alongside the bfing would be better. It's good that you're concerned about your baby's weight but kids go through peaks and troughs with weight gain ime. If your little un is 7 months I take it they're not even crawling yet so they will drop a lot of weight then. Also did the hv mesure your dd's height? If she is on a similar centile then it may just be that she is tall for her age.

TheMitfordsMaid · 22/08/2011 20:45

Both my sons are as skinny as rakes and both were breastfed on demand. In fact, DS2 is 2 years and 4 months and still fed on demand. Ignore the HV.

nethunsreject · 22/08/2011 20:46

Oh dear God, I am agog at the hv's advice.

What the actual fuck?!

Keep bfing as required by your child FOR AS LONG AS YOU BOTH WISH TO DO SO. When one of you has had enough, then wind it down.

W.H.O recommends 'on demand' (though I think 'on request' is a less pejorative way of describing it) for at least two years and therafter as long as both parties wish to. The Dept of Health official guidelines recommend a year and therafter, blah, blah.

Jeezo, no wonder bfing rates are so low in this country.

MumblingRagDoll · 22/08/2011 20:47

I know nothing about breast feeding but I agree with those telling you to report the HV. Your baby is so young!

MumblingRagDoll · 22/08/2011 20:48

My friens DS got very chunky too...he was ebf and he sorted himself out without any interfering HV...he;s 3 now and perfectly balanced.

pointythings · 22/08/2011 20:49

Your HV is talking nonsense, and you also need to realise that your baby will be getting ready to start moving - crawling, cruising, walking - all of which is really going to change the weight gain pattern anyway.

And all the other posters are right, your DD should be getting the majority of her nutrition from milk. WHen mine were 7 months they were still on 4 bfs during the day and 2 in the evening/night, and more at weekends (I worked and they were rubbish at taking EBM in bottles, so tanked up at weekends).

Beveridge · 22/08/2011 20:49

Am , milk is supposed to form the main part of a babies diet up until the age of 1 and bfing WORKS because it's feeding on demand!

It sound like your HV still thinks it's the 70s and has been expecting your baby to have been on baby rice since they were 8 weeks old. Maybe she has no real concept of what bfing is about and is thinking in terms of ffing (though restricting daytime milk feeds at this age would also be bizarre too).

Even if your babies weight has gone up, at the age of 7 months I would expect them to be 'chubbing up' just now for increased activity in the following months i.e. learning to crawl, walk, growth spurts etc.

And telling you to deny daytime feeds is just cruel - I won't need to tell you that bfing is about so much more than transfer of calories, it's a vital parenting tool (hunger is not always the problem [teething, tiredness, frustration, etc., etc.] but boobies are always the answer!).

And you're running the risk of blocked ducts if it's making you this much engorged.

Second opinion definitely required, at least to ensure that another HCP is aware of the rubbish your HV is talking.

Willowisp · 22/08/2011 20:51

Ignore hv !! I fed dd's in the am, before brekkie, about 11am, 2.30 & bedtime. So 3 times a day - lovely times for both of us.

Great DD is gaining weight, keep bf & tell Hv to shove off !

CloverCarr · 22/08/2011 20:53

10mo DC3 is (honestly) on approximately 130th centile. I can't be more precise, since the weight is off the top of the page in his red book.

His siblings were the same as babies, and are now tall and slim. They self-weaned from BF at 15 and 23 months.

Ignore your HV and enjoy feeding your lively baby, who will grow out of it all too soon.

CloverCarr · 22/08/2011 20:54

lovely baby

MarianneM · 22/08/2011 20:56

Aren't HVs supposed to know what they are talking about? I think it's chilling that this HV is trying to stop a mother breastfeeding her baby who clearly needs to be breastfed. And what is this nonsense about the baby getting fat from breastmilk? Babies DO NOT get fat drinking breastmilk, bottlefed babies are heavier than breastfed, I do not think it is possible for any baby to get fat by drinking breastmilk.

What utter utter idiocy from your HV OP! Ignore her!!!!!!!

TillyIpswitch · 22/08/2011 20:56

Please get a second opinion.

I cannot believe your HV is suggesting your sub-one year old effectively go on a diet.

Can she give some substance to her assertion that fatty, cow-based diary products are better for her than human breast milk?

She is 7 months old! At this age, one month-ish into solids, and has gone up 2 centiles, and this HV is telling you to stop breastfeeding?

Where did this 'healthcare professional' get her qualifications from?

Please - get a second opinion. This is such nonsense.

I, also, am surprised at your DH giving you dirty looks for bteastfeeding your 7 MO. It honestly sounds like you really will have to get that second opinion to show him what rubbish this is, as much as anything.

I cannot believe that there are people out there able to give such 'advice' which has such long-term consequences for you and your DD.

My DD is and always has been 98th centile and is still on 3 breastfeeds a day at just over 1 year, and will be until we're both ready to wean.

EmmaRoyd · 22/08/2011 20:57

Agree with everyone else, your HV is talking bollocks. Also maybe show your DH this thread?

Gincognito · 22/08/2011 21:05

I think there's also evidence to show that breast feeding is protective against obesity. My skinny ds also chunked up massively around the 6/7 month Mark. Not doubt it will even out when he starts crawling.

For now though I will just enjoy his ginormous thighs :o

moonstorm · 22/08/2011 21:11

What they all said. Do not stop if you don't want to I would do anything but stop bfing ds. Of all the things we feed them, bm is 100% designed for them. I really, truly think the baby knows best when it comes to butrition (as long as you are baby led and don't pressure food in to them.)

MissBetsyTrotwood · 22/08/2011 21:18

Umm, also, was she actually a HV? I've had some really shonky advice from a 'HV' who actually turned out to be a trainee nursery nurse who was covering the clinic. She accused me of neglecting my DS2 and not taking his developmental delay seriously. She made me cry. I mentioned it to the GP in a routine appointment shortly afterwards and received an apology.

MarianneM · 22/08/2011 21:21

For now though I will just enjoy his ginormous thighs

I know, I LOVE my 1yo's gorgeous soft thighs, I wish they'd stay like that!

Asmodeus · 22/08/2011 21:24

Your HV is clearly a dummard of gigantic proportions.

OyOfMidWorld · 22/08/2011 21:24

I got the same ridiculous advice from my HV when my DS was about the same age and completely ignored it. My DS was 10lbs 5oz at birth and always fed well. We pretty much still feed on demand even now and he is 16 months old, although he generally only asks 3 or 4 times a day now and sleeps through the night. He has maintained his 96th centile line for weight and his 91st centile line for height (well he was maintaining until I stopped getting him weighed) but a lot of the advice from HV is incorrect and could even be dangerous in my opinion. I saw one HV bully a poor girl to tears about her child's cradle cap and that served only to reinforce my opinion of this.

PorkChopSter · 22/08/2011 21:25

What No way is a 7 month old eating enough solids to forgo all milk They are supposed to be chompsters at that age, all folds and squishiness

fuzzypicklehead · 22/08/2011 21:25

Stopping daytime feeds before baby is ready is a great way to create loads of sleepless nights for the family. Breastfeeding is about more than just the nutrition, but the comfort and security as well. If baby isns't getting what she needs in the day, cue lots of night wakings to get what she needs.

RebelFromTheWaistDown · 22/08/2011 21:27

YABU. It's harder than giving up smack.

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