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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel that giving up breastfeeding is like stopping smoking?

124 replies

ThroughTheRoundWindow · 22/08/2011 19:47

My LO is 7 months now and is getting on so well with her BLW that she has had a massive growth spurt and jumped two centile lines on her growth chart. My health visitor said that she wasn't concerned with DD's weight "yet" but I should not be giving her any breast feeds during the day anymore. This was a surprise as I thought the point of BLW was that the baby took less milk when she wanted to, but at the same time I don't want her to actually get fat so I'm trying to take HV's advice.

The thing is, stopping feeding is loads harder than I ever imagined. Leaving aside the engorged breasts I just desperately miss the intimacy with my daughter and am finding it incredibly difficult not to offer her the breast when she asks for it. I'm pretty sure she isn't going hungry or thirsty but I think she misses the closeness too and keeps going for my boob when I cuddle her. I've told my DH that I shouldn't be breastfeeding and so all weekend whenever I went to offer DD the boob he gave me dirty looks or told me not too. My breasts really hurt and I felt desperate to do it - it's an exaggeration to compare it directly to giving up smoking as it isn't as sharp a craving, but there is a similar feeling of loss.

Today DH was at work at I fed DD twice during the day. I know it isn't in her or my best interests to be inconsistent with this but it is so hard not to do it!

AIBU to be so weak?

OP posts:
LornMowa · 22/08/2011 20:00

Its eight years since I last bf so forgive me if the advice has moved on, but this sounds bonkers. You have a symbiotic relationship with your dd and unless you have a pressing reason why you want to stop breastfeeding, then just do what comes naturally.

Has her height also crossed 2 lines on the graph? It may be that she is perfectly in proportion. Just give her healthy foods and do what feels right to the both of you.

libelulle · 22/08/2011 20:00

I have a 14 mo and I still feed on demand! And he is surrounded by a team I'd dieticians and paediatricians and not once have I been told to stop. I think there is a problem, but it is with your hv not you or your dd! ignore, ignore, and then ignore some more.

Incidentally, it is only hard to stop breastfeeding if you are doing it against your will! If you continue for as long as you and your child want to continue, then stopping feels like a natural progression, if a slightly wistful one for all that.

QuintessentialShadow · 22/08/2011 20:00

I dont understand what your OP has to do with smoking, unless you are also trying to stop smoking.

The only reason I can think of that your HV should advice you to stop feeding, is if you are smoking.

hairfullofsnakes · 22/08/2011 20:01

And another thing, why would you follow this stupid advice and why on earth would you think the bf would make your child fat? And what on earth is your husband doing giving you dirty looks for feeding a little baby? I can't believe you listened to her.

FairyArmadillo · 22/08/2011 20:02

Agree with the others- bad advice from your HV. And this is the opinion of someone who for various reasons stopped at 2 months. I envy my friends who breastfed for longer.

Caz10 · 22/08/2011 20:02

I'm sure you have the idea by now, but your hv is talking utter shite Sad. Really disapointing. What has she suggested your baby should drink? If/when you want to stop, ask on here or read up on kellymom for how to do it in a way that is best for both you and your dd.

madmomma · 22/08/2011 20:04

Tell the HV to get bent! What an absolute dick! Breastfeed your daughter as much, and for as long as you and she want! It can only do you both good. God I despair of health visitors; mine told me my 6 week old baby 'only had a cold' and not to take him to the GP. The next day he was in A&E on a drip and oxygen with a serious chest infection. Sure there are some wonderful ones, but the bad ones should be exposed for the jumped-up idiots they are.

Concordia · 22/08/2011 20:07

for goodness sake feed your child when you / she wants to. get some proper advice from a breastfeeding association to show to DH if he tries to stop you. she should be having several feeds a day at this age.
you are finding it so difficult because it isn't a good idea to stop for you or your child.

Red2011 · 22/08/2011 20:07

I'm still doing feed on demand but during the daytime it's after DD has had food and diluted juice or formula. That way she gets a feed (albeit smaller), I get the milk out and she's not hungry. Going to have to phase out the daytime feeds by this time next month as I'll be back at college....can you imagine popping out halfway through a lecture to express milk?!

mamasunshine · 22/08/2011 20:09

I was advised this too! Shocking really. I never went back to baby clinic and continued to feed on demand etc. My baby was on the 98th centile by 9m but his weight quickly dropped off when he started crawling/walking. If I had listened to my HV advise of no bf in day and only 3 meals, no snacks Shock my poor baby would have starved and ended up ill I expect! It is utter nonsense, milk is the main food for the first year, other foods are meant as a supplement.

mamasunshine · 22/08/2011 20:11

Actually makes me wonder what the HV would say about my almost 7mo dd now, she's bf on demand and has still refused to eat any solids at all Confused

StealthPolarBear · 22/08/2011 20:16

at 7m if you cut down drastically it might affect supply

Please please only cut right down if you want to (and tbh I'd give formula in this case - this is a BABY we're talking about) don't wreck your bf & relationship with your DD on the say so of that idiot

AmuseYourBouche · 22/08/2011 20:17

I breastfed my daughter on demand until about a year and she (out of her own choice) was BLW. I have a pretty shitty HV who does nothing to promote or encourage bf and even she advised feeding DD at least 3-4 times a day ONLY once they were eating 3 proper meals.

Don't listen to your HV. If you want to could try and get your DD to cut down a few feeds but I have no idea why you're restricting it so much so suddenly just because an out of touch HV told you to.

StealthPolarBear · 22/08/2011 20:18

mama she would say you are bf for your own reasons and really should stop now and give your DD some lovely cows milk I imagine

OrganicFreeRangeBoys · 22/08/2011 20:23

I really can't add to what has already been said.

I feel so sad to read your post though.

Please feed your daughter whenever she wants it and give your husband a kick up the fucking ass. Giving you dirty looks when feeding your child..... There's a lot more I could say on that but I won't.

FriggFRIGG · 22/08/2011 20:26

carry on feeding your DD as long as you want to.

IGNORE THE IDIOT HV,i am Angry for you.

aldiwhore · 22/08/2011 20:28

Stop in your own time in your own way. Its nothing like giving up smoking though, the comparison isn't a pleasant one.

I was really sad when I stopped producing milk, but I'd weaned myself off breastfeeding for months so the physical withdrawal from withdrawal wasn't bad at all.... take your time, ignore your HV, I don't think there is a certain timing to ending breastfeeding, its important to do it at your own pace. My eldest was breastfed for 17 months all in, though from about 7 months it got less and less. I stopped with my youngest at 7 months, we'd both lost interest, like we looked at each other one day and just said 'no thanks'!

Stopping smoking was a happy thing, not a sad thing, but it was very tough (so tough I'm a smoker again).

Whatmeworry · 22/08/2011 20:29

OP I think it's worth understanding a bit more about what the HV's issues are, they see a lot of babies and most are quite experienced.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 22/08/2011 20:32

Isn't around that time when they start to become more prone to illness etc? In which case, any fluid, all fluid at any time wouldn't be a bad thing would it? I seem to remember both mine got their first stonking bugs around that age and thank fuck I was still bfing pretty much on demand as it was all they wanted. I'm sure if they'd been ff it'd have been the same with a bottle - just whatever comforts them.

Original poster
ThroughTheRoundWindow · 22/08/2011 20:32

Its the first time I've met this HV - I've mostly stayed away from baby clinic up till now as could weigh baby myself at a group I go to. But I had noticed that DD's weight had suddenly shot up and just wanted to check I was on the right lines. HV did suggest I made sure that all her main meals contained dairy so that she wouldn't be short. But basically she thought that having very calorific milk as well as "real" food was too much and that was why DD has suddenly got so big.

I know it is daft to worry about a 7 month old being fat but, equally, you see an awful lot of obese children around and it starts somewhere, right? It is so lovely to watch my daughter enjoy eating real food that I would hate to create a situation where further down the line she is overweight and I have to control her intake and stop food being fun for her. I am not overweight and have no food issues and that is how I want to raise my child.

However, is continuing to breastfeed really risking this? I suppose I am being intimidated by the HV as I would be mortified if I went back to clinic in a month to find DD is still gaining too fast and have this woman tell me that I am overfeeding my child.

So I've gone from being a very happy breastfeeding mother to one who feels guilty and secretive about it. It's nice to know that WHO guidance is to keep going but I don't want to do the wrong thing for my baby!

Just had a thought: HV IS fat. Maybe she should lay off the dairy. Ha!

OP posts:
AdelaofBlois · 22/08/2011 20:32

My partner tore herself up over stopping breastfeeding, and that was because the kids no longer asked. Loss of intimacy, the constant feeling for months that this may be the last time. She said it felt horrible that she so wanted to do something but they didn't, the first real clash between her bodily needs and theirs, given she had basically given them life for so long.

Why is your HV doing this to you?

TheRealMBJ · 22/08/2011 20:34

I haven't read the thread, just the OP.

Your HV is an idiot don't listen to her. There is absolutely no need to stop feeding on demand at this age (or any in fact) and if you and your daughter are happy then leave it be. Food is for fun until they are one and your DD should be getting the majority of her calories from breast milk (or formula) at this age.

Don't make yourself or your daughter suffer because of some badly informed idiot.

Good up-to-date, evidence based, information of solids foods

Georgimama · 22/08/2011 20:34

Bearing in mind that your baby needs liquid of some kind, what does your HV advise you to replace day time BFs with? Has she actually said?

RitaMorgan · 22/08/2011 20:36

Seems ridiculous to me to restrict her breastmilk consumption, but replace it with fatty dairy products? If you are worried about her weight then breastmilk is the best thing for her, restrict fatty foods rather than that! There's no benefit to giving her cheese instead of bfing.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 22/08/2011 20:37

I think most areas have drop in weaning clinics? I went to a diet clinic with DS2 as he was very underweight and got some good advice. The dieticians train the HVs here every so often too. If this advice is upsetting you and your DD as much as it seems I'd get a second opinion.

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