To feel that giving up breastfeeding is like stopping smoking?

[ThroughTheRoundWindow]

My LO is 7 months now and is getting on so well with her BLW that she has had a massive growth spurt and jumped two centile lines on her growth chart. My health visitor said that she wasn't concerned with DD's weight "yet" but I should not be giving her any breast feeds during the day anymore. This was a surprise as I thought the point of BLW was that the baby took less milk when she wanted to, but at the same time I don't want her to actually get fat so I'm trying to take HV's advice.

The thing is, stopping feeding is loads harder than I ever imagined. Leaving aside the engorged breasts I just desperately miss the intimacy with my daughter and am finding it incredibly difficult not to offer her the breast when she asks for it. I'm pretty sure she isn't going hungry or thirsty but I think she misses the closeness too and keeps going for my boob when I cuddle her. I've told my DH that I shouldn't be breastfeeding and so all weekend whenever I went to offer DD the boob he gave me dirty looks or told me not too. My breasts really hurt and I felt desperate to do it - it's an exaggeration to compare it directly to giving up smoking as it isn't as sharp a craving, but there is a similar feeling of loss.

Today DH was at work at I fed DD twice during the day. I know it isn't in her or my best interests to be inconsistent with this but it is so hard not to do it!

AIBU to be so weak?

1. A "normal" baby's growth is very unlikely to follow a single average growth curve - especially if you've a BF baby and are comparing to curves derived from FF infants.

2. At 7 months your baby may be ingesting lots of food but that doesn't mean she's extracting very much nutrition from it (how well digested does what's in her nappy look?)

3. Your HV's advice appears ill thought out and inaccurate (to be generous).

Please get a 2nd opinion from someone with some genuine, definite knowledge of BF before deciding whether to stop. And if you do decide that stopping is right for you and your family, please don't go cold turkey - for both your sake and that of your DD.

When DD was about 5 months she looked like the michelin girl. I BF on demand (think we stopped when she was about 2 1/4) and did BLW. Now she's 4 and looks absolutely fine. In general she eats what she wants (and on a hungry day she'll eat as much as me), but she still doesn't seem to be putting on masses of weight. We try and give her a healthy attitude to food (stop when you're full, all things in moderation...) rather than strictly control her diet - whilst trying to make sure that the all things available to eat in moderation are reasonably healthy .

Please don't try and put your child on a diet at 7 months to prevent a perceived possible weight problem that might or might not manifest in 5+ yrs time.

My daughter is the same age as your LO (7months), is BF and BLW and has also had a growth spurt but is absolutely thriving (as it sounds like your LO is). Does you're HV actively promote BLW and understand the principles behind it? I.e that 'food is for fun until they are one'. Hence that breastmilk is their main sorce of nutrition and calories to help them develop. Also that breastmilk is the only way to give your baby human growth hormones that they benefit from at that age. I would definately get a second opinion and speak to someone about the concerns you have about the advice you have been given which conflicts with current guidelines. Definately keep feeding your baby on demand and do the baby-led thing of naturally weaning her off breastmilk when she is ready to (which is definately sounds like she isnt at the moment). If she is becoming overweight, then definately look at what solids she is consuming and not the milk. Its good to see that we are all in agreement about this...please DONT stop breastfeeding your LO because of some bad advice from a HV and trust your instincts to keep wanting to BF her. HTH

I think what you have here, OP, is that MN rarity: a total consensus

For what its worth, I agree with everyone else.

Thank you everyone. Have discussed with DH and think I will be going with the consensus and keep with the breastfeeding. DD will loose any extra weight when she starts moving about, and if she doesn't we can deal with it then. I am far too easily influenced by "experts", shouldn't assume that other people know best just because they have authority.

Was being unfair on DH in original post, he was just trying to be supportive of original decision by trying to discourage me from feeding. Just felt horrid at the time.

It is a huge relief to be going back to feeding again tomorrow, it has been so horrible trying not to. How wonderful to have so many people backing me up, thanks MN!

Will go back to clinic next month though. If weight has gone up will ask for height measurement too. Plus will remember the big babies described above who all changed shape later on.

Yay for breastfeeding!

What a load of rubbish, complain before she gives someone bad advice. DD is 14months and has a bfeed when wakes, before nap, mid afternoon, bedtime and once in night! Obviously she's not hungry as feeds normally but enjoys being close to me and the comfort it provides so I'm happy to continue. Don't EVER let anyone make you feel or think you have to stop if you don't want to :)

Meant to say complain before gives MORE bad advice!

Always remember my niece (10 now) being quite a chunky baby, who then changed into a normal sized toddler and then a very slim child!
A big baby certainly doesn't mean a fat child!

I agree with everyone. DS has his milk whenever he needs it and I am there. Your HV is a dick.

And yes, she does have fabulously squishy ginormous thighs! And arms, and wrists, and tummy :)

DS is 2.6

What bad advice. DD is 11 months, was BLW mostly and is bf. She also takes milk from her cup too. She's on the 25th percentile and has been that since about 2 months (born 8lb 10 though). DS who is 3.5 years old was also the same BLw and bf till nearly 2. He's very much on the 50-75th percentile. Go for it!!

:o

"Beware the expert - an ex is a has been and a spurt is a drip under pressure!"

I count myself very lucky that one of the senior HV's in my area is an NCT BF counselor who BF herself for what many people would call "extended" periods. When I saw her for DD's 2 yr check she was thrilled I was still BF. Sadly I hear very few stories from others who are equally well supported by the HCP's who ought to know what they're talking about but too often seem not to :(

If she's at the next clinic and lays into you, you are allowed to ask her what training she's had in BF and why she's giving you advice that contradicts the WHO guidelines. Or you can nod and smile and remember that she can advise you all she likes, but you aren't bound to accept it

My Dd was blw and breastfed whenever she wanted upto 16 months. I only stopped after going away for work for 5 nights - she never came back. Surely one of the benefits of blw and bfeeding is that it is baby led... They don't over eat! I cried when she didn't want to feed anymore. It took me ages to redefine my relationship with her. I didn't really know what to do to comfort her etc other than feed her. Now 38w with dd2 and really looking forward to feeding again

Ignore Hv. Go with your instincts. Good luck

Who is this HV? She needs to be named and shamed, I'm afraid. She absolutely needs to be complained about if she actually said you should not be breastfeeding during the day now your baby is 7 months old. Did she actually really say that? then you must complain!

As to giving up bfeeding being similar to giving up smoking. Well, I don't agree, as giving up smoking is actually about 50,000 times harder. Imvho.

Also meant to say that I loved having a big baby - apart from anything else it was so reassuring on the odd days when she was a bit poorly and off her food (or projectile vomiting...), as we felt she could cope without eating for a day or so as she had plenty of reserves to fall back on (and even if she wouldn't eat solids she'd often still take milk so we felt she was getting something nutritious and liquid). I had a friend with a much more petite model and if she was ill they were always so worried as they felt she had nothing to loose.

I was given similarly bonkers advice when DS was 7 months old. In fact I was told that if I "really wanted" to carry on giving him any breast milk then I should express at the beginning of the day and give him it in a cup at set times, then if any was left over by teatime I should use it to make custard or something for him - WT actual F?!

Anyway, I outwardly smiled-and-nodded while inwardly filing this "guidance" under completely ignore. DS is now 22 months, and I still BF. It has massively reduced (just left him overnight with DH for the first time and there were no demands for boob in 24 hours) but when we are together, he still likes his milk. He's absolutely thriving and not overweight.

FWIW, I think it's great you've gone back to feeding and I bet your DD does too

I am at the advice the HV gave you.
Utter nonsense.
Stopping BF should never hurt.
Your DD will stop feeding when she is ready.
She has put on weight, because she is about to start moving LOTS, and will loose it again. (Well, she won't loose it, but she will grow taller IYSWIM)
7 months old babies are supposed to be chubby.

Utter nonsense I tell you.

Does the HV think you should be feeding at night, if not in the day...coz that's a lot of milk to be taking in the night.

Will go back to clinic next month though. If weight has gone up will ask for height measurement too. Plus will remember the big babies described above who all changed shape later on

Good plan IMO. This HV may or may not have been an eejit ( like the idea of a 2nd one), but also bear in mind MN is a forum that skews massively towards BF, so i'd say its advice needs to be tempered with real life advice too.

I agree with bibbity. You should definitely complain. This is terrible and potentially harmful advice

My DS is 11 months old and he has only just started to drop his day feeds. He dropped the mid-morning one about a month ago, but we both still enjoy snuggling up in front of 60 minute makeover for mid-afternoon milk. On Saturday afternoon we went to a party and he got over-excited by a balloon and forgot :) so maybe that'll be on its way out soon.

He also jumped two centiles at 7 months-ish. Please, please do not listen to the HV. She is a guff-head of massive proportions

I'm really glad you've decided to ignore the 'HV' and carry on feeding on demand. :)

FWIW my DS was also v chubby at that age - and younger - the weight dropped gradually off him when he started crawling/walking and now he's a slim (but equally gorgeous) 2.10 'big boy' (to quote him!). He usually only feeds 2x per day now, except when he's ill and asks to feed more.

Ignore HV.

I did BLW but formula fed by son. He totally chunked up round 7 months too (50th- 75th line then by 9mnths 91st!) All is fine - he grew tall too. Once he started moving he lost the rolls, but is still in the 90s for height, weight etc at 1 year.

Oh and he naturally stopped looking for bottles. Remember with BLW there will be days when your baby won't eat much food so will need more breastmilk and vice versa

...but also bear in mind MN is a forum that skews massively towards BF, so i'd say its advice needs to be tempered with real life advice too.

You speak as if breastfeeding is some sort of 'out there' alternative, whacky thing to do.

It's one of the most normal things in the world to do (no judgments at all on anyone who FFs; just stating a fact).

So lots of women who have breastfed and therefore have real life experience of breastfeeding all come on to say exactly the same thing vs one lone voice from an HV, who by exactly what she says shows she has no peronal experience of breastfeeding, and it's the experienced majority who need to be tempered?

Right....

To add - I'm not saying the OP shouldn't follow through with the course of action she's decided on, or let the MN jury decide something for her.

It was just the 'MN is skewed towards BFing' and 'needs to be tempered with real life advice' in your post which totally made me

As i and everyone else have said, she should get a second opinion from another healthcare professional for sure.

HV - Talking utter bollox. DS3 is (mostly) BLW, and is still having 5-6 feeds in the day plus too many at night. He is 7mo tomorrow. Has your HV never heard of the saying 'food for fun until they're 1' ?? Do NOT take this advice from your HV. Your DD is more than likely just going through a growth spurt, and will have evened out in a months' time. Which is why babies shouldn't be weighed more frequently than once a month. At the complete load of toss that your HV has told you - you SHOULD still be bf'ing your DD, it's supposed to make up the main part of her diet until 12 months, and the WHO advises bf'ing until at least 2yo. Please report the HV for giving such AWFUL advice, and contact a BF peer supporter, BFN or LLL would be good places to start. OMG I want to slap your HV!!