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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to do the food shopping alone even though DH will be annoyed

270 replies

OhdearNigel · 22/08/2011 12:17

My DH never, ever lets me go food shopping on my own. He always insists on coming, I suspect because he wants to fill the trolley up with biscuits and chicken kievs that he knows I won't buy !
We should have gone shopping last week, the cupboards and fridge are looking like mother hubbard's and the cats are having to eat tuna because there is no cat food. However, due to our shifts there is no opportunity for us to go food shopping this week as the only time we are both off is tomorrow evening when I will be putting DD (18m) to bed. He will be at work now until probably next week.
The only way I can get the food shopping done will be to have it delivered or go on my own - both of which will cause a row because of his odd obsession with coming shopping.
WWYD ? I have no milk, no sugar, no butter, no potatoes, no lots of things and really do need to go shopping before next Tuesday

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 22/08/2011 13:38

Nah, chickens quite like baths. A quick squirt with fairy liquid, a warm shower, and a leaisurely blow dry laying on a towel watching 'Eastenders'.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 22/08/2011 13:39

I didn't know you could freeze tins of condensed milk either salmo, but the question has to be why would you want to? Lollies? Instant kulfi? Hmm

My cat doesn't require the finest china and crystal for his regular repasts - when opportunity arises he prefers to dine out and bring home a goody bag of assorted rodent parts Grin

tryingtoleave · 22/08/2011 13:40

Now I wish I were a chicken

Original poster
OhdearNigel · 22/08/2011 13:40

Sorry, internet connection went down. Rightho.

  1. We have 5 cats because we got them several years ago when I was still working full time and there was plenty of overtime available.
  2. We are about £30k down this year due to me going part time and DH losing hours. And no, we didn't make loads of money because of the riots.
  3. DH is a detective and is unable to identify when work ends and home begins.
  4. DH and all his family have serious issues with overeating. Dh weighs about 16-17 stone. I can't really criticise him there because I am also overweight.
  5. DH is an arse at times but does have many good points.
  6. DH loves dealing with money, I hate it - which is why he deals with the money. I have no desire to deal with it and when I do have to deal with financial matters I stick my head in the sand and hope they disappear of their own accord. DH deals with the money for a reason.
  7. DH is constantly telling me that we need to cut back and that we are spending too much money but never puts his money where his mouth is.
  8. I do plan our food around what he likes to eat.

Anyway, thanks to you all agreeing with me that IANBU I have told him I will be going shopping whether he likes it or not. And told him to give me a list of anything he wants me to buy.

The situation is made much worse by the fact that MIL is a complete doormat and will do anything for an easy life. Hence I am having an uphill battle in trying to reeducate DH that actually he doesn't have the final word on everything. I know this thread makes me sound like a total prat but DH and I argue over this sort of thing like cat and dog and eventually it gets so exhausting that I just give in because it's easier than arguing with someone who will literally carry on arguing for hours to ensure he gets his own way

OP posts:
zukiecat · 22/08/2011 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cornflowers · 22/08/2011 13:43

Ideally I shop alone, but I think I would rather take my 3 small dc shopping with me than dh. He insisted on coming to Sainsbury's on Saturday, and scurried off on his own whilst I was shopping, only to reappear at the tills with 6 close-to-use-by pork pies, 2 close-to-use-by pepperoni pizzas, 4 close-to-use-by Taste the Difference duck legs, a box of close-to-use-by jam donuts and 6 bottles of posh cider. No issues with the cider, but I'd already cooked our dinner for that evening, we are going away this week & our freezer is full. I said as much, and was made to feel like a controlling spoil sport.

Shinyshoes1 · 22/08/2011 13:44

YABVU Feeding anyone Kievs.

Ain't they like made with the sawdust and scraping of the boots and shit.

GO !!! To the shops NOW !!

Oh and I didnt think cats could eat Tuna as it contains high levels of mercury which is poisonous to catsHmm

Original poster
OhdearNigel · 22/08/2011 13:45

"Oh and I didnt think cats could eat Tuna as it contains high levels of mercury which is poisonous to cats"

Shock really ? Oh dear ! Although that might solve the cat food expense

OP posts:
zookeeper · 22/08/2011 13:46

I think you need to bite the bullet and start dealing with the money or at least helping him cope with it - that way you will start to have more control and a bit more balance. there are loads of people in the same boat out there struggling with money and no doubt arguing about it and you can find loads of help online and indeed on this site.

BadTasteFlump · 22/08/2011 13:46

I thought the problem here was that your H does put the money exactly where his mouth is...

summertimeblews · 22/08/2011 13:46
  1. We are about £30k down this year due to me going part time and DH losing hours. And no, we didn't make loads of money because of the riots.

odd - every other police officer i know has made buckets full, though hasnt got it yet :)

  1. DH is a detective and is unable to identify when work ends and home begins.

pretty standard for CID - its not really compatible with a family lifestyle

  1. DH is constantly telling me that we need to cut back and that we are spending too much money but never puts his money where his mouth is.

so why worry. Let him pick out what he wants and pay for it. As you dont want to deal with money, you wont have to even think about it

Original poster
OhdearNigel · 22/08/2011 13:47

lol !

OP posts:
summertimeblews · 22/08/2011 13:47

I thought the problem here was that your H does put the money exactly where his mouth is...

ooh good one Grin

Ephiny · 22/08/2011 13:47

Glad to hear you're going shopping after all!

He does sound hard work to get on with. I couldn't be doing with having arguments over petty things all the time, it's just not worth it IMO.

Has he ever tried to deal with his eating issues, or seek help for this? I'm not one to judge or call people greedy, having been there myself. But there comes a point when you have to do something about it, for the sake of your health as much as anything, not to mention the waste of money. It sounds like it's creating problems for your relationship as well.

Original poster
OhdearNigel · 22/08/2011 13:48

"its not really compatible with a family lifestyle"

I meant that he sometimes fails to remember that he isn't interviewing a suspect or investigating a crime.

OP posts:
Insomnia11 · 22/08/2011 13:49

My chickens are pets but kept for eggs not meat. I am not a lentil-weaver but we do like to grow our own veg and fruit.

Original poster
OhdearNigel · 22/08/2011 13:50

This is the Ephiny, we hardly ever argue about serious things. It's always the most petty, ridiculous thing. We recently had a 3 week battle about the location of a cat litter tray. Which I won.

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 22/08/2011 13:50

Insomnia, my chickens only lay when they feel like it. They are spoiled madams

BadTasteFlump · 22/08/2011 13:52

How do you know that they feel like it and it didn't just pop out against their will?

BadTasteFlump · 22/08/2011 13:53

And why is it whenever I picture chickens in my head (usually when I see you on MN) I see Babs from Chicken run and not the real thing?

AnyFucker · 22/08/2011 13:54

I will confirm it again : I hate your husband

and unless you want to turn into your MIL, I suggest you stop giving in for an easy life

onemoreminute · 22/08/2011 13:54

Do you keep all 5 cats inside ?

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 22/08/2011 13:54

My chickens are posh chickens. They lay only when conditions are perfect. Which is hardly ever. But I don't mind, because I think eggs are disgusting.

AnyFucker · 22/08/2011 13:55

I wonder if laying an egg feels like doing a really nice, satisfying poo < muses >

Original poster
OhdearNigel · 22/08/2011 13:57

No, the cats go outside. We had a problem with one of them weeing in the house after they were badly frightened by a tom cat coming in the house one night and DH made a tall gate to try and stop them going upstairs after we had a new carpet fitted. One of them manages to get over the gate but she can't get back over it so gets stuck upstairs, hence she has a litter tray in the bathroom

OP posts: