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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this cheeky or normal for christenings nowadays?

111 replies

knittynoodle · 21/08/2011 18:36

A 'friend' of mine has had her son christened. We were invited although I dont really know her that closely even though we have known each other a long time IYSWIM. So I sort of feel that we were invited to make up numbers and gifts!

Anway, the invite came with a three page booklet and invitation. Details on what to get her son for his present. They have asked for money.

After listening to her go on about finding the 'perfect' church for the day (I thought a child was christening in your parish church) and crow about how shes not religious anyway, I find asking for money really crass. At ever other christening Ive been to, the guests have given religious items or books.

AIBU or is this the done thing now Sad

ps. I bought the child an illustrated bible.

OP posts:
TimeWasting · 22/08/2011 22:10

There's a photo from my sister's christening like that, but my sister was in the photo. Grin

Original poster
knittynoodle · 22/08/2011 22:14

The little lad is not and its his day Sad And her status update thanks everyone for the gifts and 'DS has more money than us!'

Wow, this has really bothered me Sad

OP posts:
biscuitmad · 22/08/2011 22:23

We had a christening. When I looked into churches I found you was only allowed a set parish depending on were you lived. Unless you always attend another church and still go.

As for presents some people gave us money and I put some money in and when it made £100 I got dc a premium bond. Most people got a gift we ended up with four money boxes and six photoframes as well as nice presents.

Hulababy · 22/08/2011 22:23

Hate requests for money for any occasion so would def see it as bad form for a christening/baptism. I see it as really bad form.

It also takes away all pleasure of actually chosing a gift for anyone. NO EFFORT GOES INTO WRITING A CHEQUE OR HANDING OVER A WAD OF CASH. None what's so ever required. I thought the point of a gift was the "thought that counts." Well, when ordered to give cash where's the thought going to even come into it? May as well not bother at all.

soverylucky · 22/08/2011 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InstantAtom · 22/08/2011 22:36

That's very surprising, never heard of that before. What was the hymn?

"She said she wanted a specific hymn and was told by 2 churches she couldnt have it, so she went to one that would allow her to."

Tonksforthememories · 22/08/2011 22:51

We had issues getting DS baptised in our church as it was the next parish over. It's been our family church for 3 generations and DD1 & 2 were baptised there.

It took a year of regular attendance before our rector would consent to baptise DS.

Gifts, IMO, are given if you want to. To ask for gifts at any occasion is the height of crassness (if that's a word!)

Original poster
knittynoodle · 22/08/2011 23:02

From what I can gather, it was Holy Holy Holy is the Lord. I actually have no idea about this kind of thing, I can only go on what she said to me.

OP posts:
emmanumber3 · 22/08/2011 23:06

This is almost as annoying as the "friends" we have who had their 3 year old christened in order to prove that they were "churchgoing" before applying to the lovely little church primary school in the next village Hmm.

Me thinks too many people have lost the real meaning of having one's child christened.

Bumpsadaisie · 23/08/2011 10:54

Traditionally the christening happens as part of the normal sunday service in front of all the congregation. There are no invites as such as everyone is welcome to attend the ordinary sunday service.

When it happens this way, of course its a very important additional part of the service, but its not like a marriage - it is a PART of what is going on, the christening isn't necessarily the central part.

Nowadays people tend to have "private" christenings which ups the ante and makes it into more of a "big" occasion at which the family is the centre of attention. Easy to see why some people get confused and treat it like a marriage.

When we had DD christened it was lovely - part of our usual Sunday service. We got lots of lovely cards from all the congregation. We hosted christening cake and wine for everyone (100 odd) in the parish hall afterwards, and then we went out for a private lunch after that with just the families and godparents (about 30 people). Relatives and godparents bought bibles and nice silver things. It was nice that everyone in the village that we knew in the congregation got to meet our families and close friends who were godparents. It was a really lovely day and didn't cost much, and DD wore a lovely victorian silk and lace christening gown which her great great great grandmother and all children since on DHs side had been christened in.

Original poster
knittynoodle · 04/09/2011 11:39

Eurgh, the week after this she was complaining on her facebook that she and her DP had no money after forking out for the christening.

I have received no thankyou card either.

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