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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this cheeky or normal for christenings nowadays?

111 replies

knittynoodle · 21/08/2011 18:36

A 'friend' of mine has had her son christened. We were invited although I dont really know her that closely even though we have known each other a long time IYSWIM. So I sort of feel that we were invited to make up numbers and gifts!

Anway, the invite came with a three page booklet and invitation. Details on what to get her son for his present. They have asked for money.

After listening to her go on about finding the 'perfect' church for the day (I thought a child was christening in your parish church) and crow about how shes not religious anyway, I find asking for money really crass. At ever other christening Ive been to, the guests have given religious items or books.

AIBU or is this the done thing now Sad

ps. I bought the child an illustrated bible.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 21/08/2011 18:55

YANBU this is rude and grabby. What a hypocrite, sounds like she is doing it for her and its about me me me

catgirl1976 · 21/08/2011 18:56

Really cheeky. Very grabby

CRIKRI · 21/08/2011 18:56

I think I've only ever been to one christening in my life - neighbours and they were devout Catholics. They didn't even hint that gifts were expected and certainly not money.

Just as weddings seem to be getting more and more ostentatious (and cheeky in requests for gifts, imho,) perhaps this is spreading to christenings as well.

I also struggle with the idea that someone would wish to christen their child, or get married in a church, if they aren't religious. Just doesn't seem quite right.

Not sure I'd have given any gift at all, but at least a bible relates to what it's supposed to be about.

Ephiny · 21/08/2011 18:57

I have never heard of gift lists for christenings! People usually do like to get a little gift to mark the special day, but demanding money is quite odd.

lachesis · 21/08/2011 18:58

I agree with BeatRoute, better than lining their pockets any further.

Although again, I don't usually give Bible unless I'm the godparent and then usually liase with the grandparents - one gives a childrens' Bible and the other an adult Bible.

Oh, money boxes, too.

wobblyweeble82 · 21/08/2011 18:59

YANBU

And bloody well done with the illustrated bible. A woman after my own heart. But then I nearly fell off my chair when our best chums sent out their bank details with their wedding invites. Like so many others have said, crass.

pigletmania · 21/08/2011 19:00

Good on you buying a Bible, ok the baby might get loads of them, but it sends out a strong message to the parents Grin

InstantAtom · 21/08/2011 19:01

Crass and cheeky.

Illustrated Bible is a good and suitable present :)

pigletmania · 21/08/2011 19:02

We are religious, and had a very small Christening for dd, godparents, gp's and a few friends, and I mean just a few. I am expecting another dc and would like it to be just us and godparents, as little fuss as possible, it is for religious significance more than anything else.

cherub59 · 21/08/2011 19:02

Money completely inappropriate. Bible or story book for present if not a godparent.

exoticfruits · 21/08/2011 19:03

YANBU and your present was a good choice. I have never heard of 'finding the perfect church'-it all seems a bit pointless if she isn't going to attend it in the future. Why would someone want to go and make promises for things they have no intention of doing, when they don't have to do it? I think it must be an excuse to gather in the money! Hope everyone gets a religious type present. Grin

microfight · 21/08/2011 19:03

YANBU
It's bad enough at weddings but I see it's rolled over into Christenings....Classy!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 21/08/2011 19:03

Not normal at all. It is pretty standard to give baptism gifts but usually something religious, a simple piece of jewellery or special book is the norm. We had a few people give money but it was entirely voluntary.

lachesis · 21/08/2011 19:04

I kept all the money the children were given, even by wifies and codgers, and for their christening, and bought them a premium bond/put it in their savings account.

:)

islawhiter · 21/08/2011 19:04

Yea i have heard of giving money at christenings before, it is more commonly associated with giving money to irish children when they take their first communion, the god parents from their christening give money at the first communion, however i think maybe your friend cannot wait and wants some money gifts now at the christening.

pigletmania · 21/08/2011 19:04

yeh exotic then she would get the message, now the more religious presents the better in this case Grin

lachesis · 21/08/2011 19:06

You never ask for it in an invite! I'm Catholic and have been to many Irish christenings. You don't ask for money in invites. You just know.

G1nger · 21/08/2011 19:06

I don't remember seeing any gifts being given at my niece's christening. Any gifts from anyone. I may or may not have taken something myself - I don't remember. If I did, it would have been a small toy.

pigletmania · 21/08/2011 19:07

I think that this dc that I'm expecting will have the smallest Catholic baptism ever Grin

lachesis · 21/08/2011 19:07

I've given statuettes, too - of the Holy Virgin or St. Michael, a guardian angel or The Infant of Prague or the like.

Mitmoo · 21/08/2011 19:10

What is the point of the child having 20 Bibles? What a complete waste. I would rather they look at the Bibles they have with messages from grandparents and godparents are find meaning in them then find pleasure in say a silver bangle engraved from aunty this or uncle that or a money box for a christening.

Again I'd never ask for anything, it is about family and friends celebrating a special day not about presents. Such a waste to have a bundle of bibles from people they are not likely to know in 10 years time.

pigletmania · 21/08/2011 19:10

lachesis we have loads of them at home, PIL even offered us a light up Holy Virgin Grin

lachesis · 21/08/2011 19:13

The point is that the family will get the message it's cheek to use a religious ceremony as a financial vehicle.

It's done and dusted now, too.

She's already done it. The christening is over.

In such a case, I'd have gone with an Oxfam gift, but the OP might now have much experience of christenings and this is the first thing that sprang to mind.

No point beating her up about it now.

Hmm
InstantAtom · 21/08/2011 19:16

It's lucky the church doesn't ask for only "perfect people" to join it, quite the opposite.

MissMarjoribanks · 21/08/2011 19:16

YANBU, OP. Totally grabby and unjustified.

DS was christened, although I'm not religious. However, DH is and it was very important to him that he was. We had a small gathering, with mainly family. I didn't expect any presents, but we did get them.

FWIW, I would have liked a childrens' bible as I think the stories are part of our culture and history, whether you believe them or not. We didn't get even one. We, did, however, get three musical boxes Grin. DS loves them all though.