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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this cheeky or normal for christenings nowadays?

111 replies

knittynoodle · 21/08/2011 18:36

A 'friend' of mine has had her son christened. We were invited although I dont really know her that closely even though we have known each other a long time IYSWIM. So I sort of feel that we were invited to make up numbers and gifts!

Anway, the invite came with a three page booklet and invitation. Details on what to get her son for his present. They have asked for money.

After listening to her go on about finding the 'perfect' church for the day (I thought a child was christening in your parish church) and crow about how shes not religious anyway, I find asking for money really crass. At ever other christening Ive been to, the guests have given religious items or books.

AIBU or is this the done thing now Sad

ps. I bought the child an illustrated bible.

OP posts:
YouDoTheMath · 21/08/2011 19:21

We were invited to a christening recently - the baby daughter of a school friend I hardly ever see these days. The invitation stipulated that they didn't want presents, they wanted money.

Spoke to my DP about it. He's from a large catholic family, and none of them has never seen a christening as a gift-giving occasion. Apparently the godparents tend to give a Bible or a trinket, but it's not expected from everyone else.

Given that this friend had had baby shower gifts, plus gifts after birth, I gave my apologies and we avoided the entire occasion. I have my own family and can't afford constant handouts to hers.

Some people will use any occasion to milk the generosity of others.

buzzsore · 21/08/2011 19:21

Weird, I thought only Godparents gave gifts at Christenings.

I'm glad you gave the bible and forgot to make the cakes. Grin This woman sounds like a right grabby person.

TheRealMBJ · 21/08/2011 19:21

Bloody hell. YADNBU.

This is ridiculous, a Christening is about acceptance of the child into the religious community and absolutely nothing to do with gifts. It is nice is people want to commemorate your child's christening with a small token but to send a list or as for money is wrong.

danilyon · 21/08/2011 19:30

A gift list for a christening? Well I've heard it all now.

When we christened DD1 we didn't ask for anything and didn't expect anything - though she did get presents from everyone. We saw it as the perfect occasion to welcome her into the family and not a money making opportunity as this acquaintance seems to see it. DD2 will be getting christened in 2 months and again we don't expect anything and would never dream of asking for anything.

YANBU

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 21/08/2011 19:35

I've attended a few christenings, and the only money that ever changed hands was that placed into the collection plate.

funkybuddah · 21/08/2011 19:35

What!! I would say they are very very cheeky

We didnt ask for any gifts (or expect them) but 1 godparent got both children their bibles as it was her thing.

I wasnt even expecting that!

As for finding the perect church I also thought it had to be one in your parish, when I went to sort Dd's out even though ds had been baptised there they still had to check their little map/boundary.

I also only invited godparents and family, I didnt want it to be a huge thing, just those nearest and dearest.

Mitmoo · 21/08/2011 19:36

It depends on whether you want your money to go for a better future for the child or to make a point against crass parents. I guess the parents deserved people wasting their money after a request for cash. Everyone loses.

toomanyopinions · 21/08/2011 19:40

YANBU! A couple of years ago we attended the baptism of a friends newborn and the confirmation of her tennage son. At a loss as to what to get them I decided that a 'give a goat' and 'feed a school girl for a year' each from oxfam would befit the Christan ethos and felt quietly smug that the teenager and parents might think it a nice, unusual gift...

Overheard the teenager bitching with his Dad that we hadn't 'just given him the money'!!! Lesson learnt, don't see them much anymore!

mummymeister · 21/08/2011 19:40

OP do you really want to be friends or even aquaintances of these people? what an absolute cheek. i am religious and i had my children christened for a reason. it was during the normal church service at my church so the community were all invited. some of our guests did buy gifts but they certainly werent expected. how incredibly shallow some people are. Fast forward 5 years and i bet your "friend" will be back in church again trying to get her little darling into a faith school.

Abra1d · 21/08/2011 19:42

You know, I think all the looting and violent demonstration of materialism is just the tip of the iceberg. Everyone is obsessed with money and 'stuff', it seems.

I wonder what would happen if you copied the 'pack' to the vicar/priest... Wink

notlettingthefearshow · 21/08/2011 19:52

YANBU. Asking for money full stop is plain rude. The bible is a lovely idea. However, in your position I'm not sure I would attend at all!

I'm going to a friend's baby's christening next week. She didn't ask for anything but I asked her what kind of present would be most appreciated (we are very close friends and I wanted to buy something, especially as like most parents she does not have a lot of money for extras. Also I am not religious so would be uncomfortable buying bible, cross etc). She suggested children's books which I could write a message in. I thought this was a great idea as I am a keen reader and would love the child to grow up with books in the house. I'm also making some lovely cupcakes. She did ask me to but this is because I love baking. I can't wait!

If she wasn't a close friend, I would attend with a card and probably nothing else.

FIFIBEBE · 21/08/2011 20:02

We were recently invited to the Christening of some friends daughter. They are religious and the service was in the church they attend. There was to be a lunch afterwards. The invite included bank account details and a suggestion that * needed a cot and car seat. Please do not bring any other gifts was a key line in the instructions. What topped off the invite was the insertion of a suggested menu which guests were required to contribute to as it was bring and share! The parents are well established GPs and this is their first child.

Sadly we were unable to attend as we were on holiday....

Mitmoo · 21/08/2011 20:21

Wearing a jumper won't stop your pipes freezing, nor will it stoo my elderly mother from freezing to death unless I got there to make sure she is using the heating daily.

Mitmoo · 21/08/2011 20:22

Sorry ignore wrong thread.

Ohnoredundo · 21/08/2011 20:23

Appalling

pigletmania · 21/08/2011 20:26

fifebebe Shock, well if they can't afford those basic things, then they should not have had a child wtf! A Christening is a religious event, not a money making opportunity, it goes against the whole ethos of the Gospel.

Abra1d · 21/08/2011 20:30

But how could two GPs not afford to have a child and buy car seats, etc!

PrincessScrumpy · 21/08/2011 20:33

dd's Christening led to us recieving 5 money boxes. I was able to take one back as the friend enclosed the receipt - I exchanged it for something else appropriate in the jewellery shop. I still wouldn't write a list unless someone specifically asked.

One friend bought dd a rose to plant in the garden which I thought was really lovely as family were buying the religious-type gifts so it was something really different. I would never ask for money but those who did give cash, we put in dd's bank account and it will remain untouched until she is old enough to make decisions herself.

PrincessScrumpy · 21/08/2011 20:38

Oh, we had about 50 people but we have a big family and don't live near them so it was also a big celebration and chance for family to meet dd1. we held the "party" in a friend's garden (ours was too small) and I did the catering. We would have done it in the usual morning service but our church only seats 80 so would have been tricky.

lachesis · 22/08/2011 00:14

Shock @ fifi!

Good grief.

I am godmother to my niece and for her confirmation (Catholic) I got her two charms for her silver bracelet and made a contribution to her university fund and to the Church, plus two books of the works of the Blessed Mother Theresa, for guidance and solace.

When she was christened I bought her an 18ct. gold chain with a small cross pendant, which she can now wear, an adult Bible, a statue of Our Lady of Lourdes, a Rosary and a contribution to the Missionaries of Charity, the order founded by the Blessed Mother Theresa.

My own mother, she is the first grandchild, got her a post-christening outfit and paid for a brunch in her honour.

It's supposed to be a religious event to celebrate a child's becoming a Christian, not a money-making event.

Laquitar · 22/08/2011 00:27

Blimey This is scary!
Christenings will be the new Weddings!
Requests for money, or 'pay for my disneyland trip', dress code (no other baby wears white), A list guests and C list ones....Oh and Christenings abroad!

EldritchCleavage · 22/08/2011 00:43

Christenings are the new weddings, apparently.

My cousins do this-practically bankrupt themselves to do the fancy christening and compete with all their friends. I got invited to the last one (live 350 miles away) and there was an expectation I'd send a present, which I didn't. Interestingly, none of my aunts and uncles behaved like this and they find it as weird as I do their entirely secular children have started down this road. Apparently the last blow-out it was explicitly justified on a 'keeping up with the Joneses' basis. And half the adults get drunk. It is appalling.

lachesis · 22/08/2011 01:39

Shock Edith. I'm a Catholic and have never heard of booze at christening lunches or brunches on church grounds. Surely, even Protestant ones are done in the morning, are they not? At the morning service or later morning Mass?

Any boozing would surely be among the family, afterwards, at the home of someone, usually the godparents, who hosted a catered brunch or lunch?

My family are prosperous, a catered lunch was always held (paid for by grandparents and/or godparents), after the hall celebration at church (alcohol-free), serving champagne at a glass or two and perhaps an alcoholic punch, but no mention of gifts in any invite. It is to celebrate the child's introduction to the Christian faith.

Many donations to the Church or orders of the faith or Knights of Columbus, a brotherhood of charity for Catholics. But surely, no mention of money directly for the child?

How very tacky.

LolaRennt · 22/08/2011 02:35

It's a religious ceremony not a gift grabbing free for all you can't expect a gift but if some one wants to buy something it should be a token to celebrate the day. a religious one presumably

Its like asking for a car for your wedding, gifts should be to help the couple start their new life together, a Christening gift should help start the child on their road to being a chriatian

slightlymad72 · 22/08/2011 03:49

My SIL requested money for her daughter when she was christened. Her daughter really wanted toys for the garden and wanted to save up to buy them, ffs the child was 3 months old, her daughter even managed to write little notes to everyone saying 'thankyou very much for the money, I have bought.....' the child is a genius!

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