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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to want to give up my bed???

327 replies

lightsandshapes · 12/08/2011 16:08

My BIL and his family are coming to stay in 2 days. They have a 4 year old a 2 year old and a 6 month old.

The BIL has been quite pushy about sleeping arrangements and has asked twice now if I will give up my bedroom so his wife can stay in there with the 2 younger ones. I and DH will be relegated to the summer house. I havre tried to make gentle excuses (I will need the loo in the night - I have a special matress pad on my bed because of bump) but he is insistent. I am 7 months pregnant.

Too late to stop them coming now, but wwyd? I'm osscilating between standing my ground and being 'generous', but I would NEVER invite myself to someone's house and then ask to sleep in the master bedroom in their bed [shocked]. Feel like if I don't defend myself my boundaries could be trampled all over.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe80nappies · 16/08/2011 22:05

Definitely kick them out, how fucking rude to speak to you like that in your own home!

Original poster
lightsandshapes · 16/08/2011 22:06

Thanks af, I'd treat you like a princess too Smile x

OP posts:
StayFrosty · 16/08/2011 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 16/08/2011 22:09

Do you think he was saying it to hurt you - being spiteful about the beds? People can seem to accept something and then look for a way to punish you.

Perhaps that was his intention.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 16/08/2011 22:09

Only just found this thread. Have read the whole thing and your BIL is a prick. How dare he insult you in your own home Angry. That would be the final straw for me and I'd be telling him in no uncertain terms where to go, metaphorically and literally. He and his wife have taken advantage of your generosity and have now overstayed their welcome.

AnyFucker · 16/08/2011 22:10

Maybe you won't kick them out tomorrow (for SIL's sake maybe?)

But don't ever allow them to abuse your hospitality in this way again

And make sure your DH is clear on that too

kipperandtiger · 16/08/2011 22:10

Sorry, OP, just read your 9.28pm post. You poor thing! They're horrible. You're being very kind to give them free board and lodging. What a rude guest. Tell yourself, this is the last time you offer them a place to stay. Absolutely. The very last. Ever. Now start counting down the hours to their departure..... :-)
For what it's worth, I only offer a place to someone who might otherwise die if they didn't stay in our house - eg snowed in, flooded in, etc. And even then it's not for a week. I don't like staying over at people's homes either. You have to walk on eggshells and mind your Ps and Qs. It's different if you are single or very young and you just follow their orders. Very tricky if one is in a couple, and if one is a family, well, there's a possibility that world war three will erupt usually.

HumphreyCobbler · 16/08/2011 22:13

You could tell him to keep his inaccurate and insulting opinions to himself in future and buy him a book on manners as a parting gift.

Original poster
lightsandshapes · 16/08/2011 22:15

Kipper. I like your style. I would like to adopt that stance too!
Thank you for all these messages. Making me feel less lonely as I lie I. My bedroom pretending to be asleep so I don't have to be in the same bloody room

OP posts:
kipperandtiger · 16/08/2011 22:16

OP, that BIL sounds like he needs his head examining! Totally out of his tree.

twoistwiceasfun · 16/08/2011 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 16/08/2011 22:16

Oh my god OP your BIL sounds like a total wanker. When do they go! Next time it would be the hotel for them, they sound so bloody pious, its always the religious fanatics that sprout he holier than thou attitude, but when it comes to the crunch, an athetist would be more Christian than them.

kipperandtiger · 16/08/2011 22:18

No problem - you're a kind person, that's why you're upset. Just think of all the fun things that you'll do when they are gone, like admiring how peaceful the place is.

HumphreyCobbler · 16/08/2011 22:18

I feel rather sorry for your SIL and the kids, imagine what life with a man like this must be like. Offending everyone he comes into contact with.

AnyFucker · 16/08/2011 22:19

Everybody knows a person like this BIL

HC, you are right to feel sorry for his wife and kids Sad

Original poster
lightsandshapes · 16/08/2011 22:19
Smile
OP posts:
lisad123 · 16/08/2011 22:21

I would gladly sleep in a seperate bed to dh if my room was big enough. I mean honestly, who falls asleep cuddled up to dh every night and wake in same position in the morning!! We sleep like we have had a massive fight everynight, nothing worse that dh hot breath on my face (sick)
Trust me, people who talk about how wonderful relationship are normally in a worst state.
How much longer so you have to endure them?

HumphreyCobbler · 16/08/2011 22:23

Yes, I have just remembered the one that I know AF. We ended up losing contact with his rather nice wife due to the fact that even five minutes conversation with him was unbearable. He once reduced me to tears when pg at a dinner party.

Popbiscuit · 16/08/2011 22:24

Exactly what Kipper said. Have been there. Very recently. WW III is exactly right. Stand your ground.

Original poster
lightsandshapes · 16/08/2011 22:25

Good point lisad123

I think they'll be leaving friday at the latest. Can't come soon enough. Might go into town tomorrow to meet a friend to get time out and Thursday have booked myself a massage. Thats it. They can sort themselves out from now on.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/08/2011 22:25

what do you think happened to his wife, HC ?

it's really horrible isn't it ?

at least with my shithead family member, she picked partners that were equally shitheaddy ie. they deserved each other..

KathyImLost · 16/08/2011 22:28

OP, you should take your BIL's comments as a massive compliment. He's looking to pick holes after he didn't get his own way with the beds. The only thing he can think of is that you sleep in separate beds (see, bed related) so that's all he has to go on (even tho you have a perfectly sensible reason for your current set-up).

You sound like a lovely, generous couple & it's no wonder your BIL is jealous.

HumphreyCobbler · 16/08/2011 22:29

She is still married to him. Sad They don't have any children.

kipperandtiger · 16/08/2011 22:29

Here's a cheeky thought, OP - tell his kids what a wonderful place some tourist attraction or theme park (very far away from your home but near enough for them to drive or take a train to) is and suggest what a shame they are staying with you in the lovely weather.....much better to go out there and take advantage of the school hols and great weather (or if it's bad weather, the fun indoor activities they have) while they still have the rest of the week left. And that they have GREAT accommodation on ON SITE too!!! And of course it's very baby friendly - free admission for the 6 month old! See, Auntie (OP) is not driving them away, Auntie is simply informing them what great treats lie out there that they're missing by being at her place!!! And how boring it will be for them at her place because she's too tired to organise anything half as fun. Then they'll be clamouring for their parents to leave and to go there instead.

Mwah ha ha....he wants to be a naughty guest? Well, we can play that game too, and turn the tables on him!! (it's just a suggestion). And then you take them into the next room and say, if they don't leave, Auntie will tell the kids what a rude, rude man papa is and that he's being chucked out. (okay, maybe not the last part.) Or you just use breakfast banishment. But I like the thought of the kids "evicting" them parents better. Hee hee.

EldritchCleavage · 16/08/2011 22:30

barometer of functionality
There's definitely a need for BIL to put your DH down, isn't there? That plus all the stuff about their relationship-weirdy time. Do tell him how unpleasant he has been, and avoid them until Friday.