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AIBU?

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Original poster

not to want to give up my bed???

327 replies

lightsandshapes · 12/08/2011 16:08

My BIL and his family are coming to stay in 2 days. They have a 4 year old a 2 year old and a 6 month old.

The BIL has been quite pushy about sleeping arrangements and has asked twice now if I will give up my bedroom so his wife can stay in there with the 2 younger ones. I and DH will be relegated to the summer house. I havre tried to make gentle excuses (I will need the loo in the night - I have a special matress pad on my bed because of bump) but he is insistent. I am 7 months pregnant.

Too late to stop them coming now, but wwyd? I'm osscilating between standing my ground and being 'generous', but I would NEVER invite myself to someone's house and then ask to sleep in the master bedroom in their bed [shocked]. Feel like if I don't defend myself my boundaries could be trampled all over.

OP posts:
Original poster
lightsandshapes · 16/08/2011 21:35

Thanks fabby chic I feel like utter shit. I love dh to death and how dare he question that. I did mutter 'everyone shows love differently'. We are not a Brady bunch family tho. I have let it get to me, big time

OP posts:
plupervert · 16/08/2011 21:35

Hmmm.... he and his wife have a 6mo, and are separated for sleeping arrangements during this visit to you, so maybe he is projecting something onto you?

He is a monstrously insensitive twat, though. I can't believe he doesn't let well alone!

Millie1 · 16/08/2011 21:37

Oh bugger him! You and your DH should judge your relationship, not your BIL. For what it's worth, DH and I spent the last couple of months of each of my pregnancies in different rooms as I couldn't sleep and used to spend half the night pacing the floorboards! Needs must! Don't let him get you down - you sound like you are being a wonderful hostess and he sounds like he just can't help himself.

jenniec79 · 16/08/2011 21:39

I think I'd be doing their packing after that.

Well the chucking of their stuff out onto the front lawn anyway.

JanMorrow · 16/08/2011 21:41

dick! How dare he?! Ignore him, he's obviously used to being in control and trying to smack you down.

AnyFucker · 16/08/2011 21:43

You were warned !

FWIW, my DH's cousin once said something similar to me. She called me a "cold fish" and questioned my physical affection for DH. She was pissed at the time, the stupid cow. I reckon a drinking problem there.

Anyway, am usually a quick retorter, but it can be difficult when it's your own family. Don't be sad. The bloke is a grade-A insensitive twat. Not your problem, love x

SenoritaViva · 16/08/2011 21:43

Sorry but he just sounds like a rude arsehole who lacks any kind of social etiquette. Please don't take the words of someone like that to heart, they are not worth it.

I agree with the person who said about projections, he is probably a bit jealous and wanting to make himself feel better.

I adore my DH and think he's great but find it very hard to show affection towards him, that doesn't mean we don't have a good relationship. Of course it can be improved, everyone's can in some way or other.

As for sleeping in separate beds my 5 month pregnant self is most jealous!

AnyFucker · 16/08/2011 21:45

This came, FYI, from the stupid cow who was "all over" her new partner. Who later that evening blacked her eye and drove off pissed in his sports car.

While DH and I cuddled quietly in our bed.

Each to their own, eh ?

twoistwiceasfun · 16/08/2011 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 16/08/2011 21:46

Yes, I think their extended stay at your fiscal, and emotional, expense should end tomorrow x

Original poster
lightsandshapes · 16/08/2011 21:47

Thanks folks. He was suggesting that we have some kind of fake relationship and live like lodgers. I hate him at this moment.

OP posts:
Gastonladybird · 16/08/2011 21:48

sorry he upset you but he is way out of line (And probably projecting) -he also sounds at best stupid as the business about wanting to be no 1 with your dh, now all this shite about relationship (based on the not abnormal practice of sleeping in separate beds due to pregnancy issues).

I think you have done really well to stand your ground when clearly not easy - if anyone had said that kind of thing to me at 7 months pregnant I'd have punched them before crying.

HumphreyCobbler · 16/08/2011 21:49

What a stupid, stupid man. What a prize twat. Really.

So sorry you have to have this numpty in your house. Please try not to feel upset because a total idiot has seen fit to comment on something he knows nothing about.

Original poster
lightsandshapes · 16/08/2011 21:49

Af that woman sounds like a nightmare

OP posts:
Gastonladybird · 16/08/2011 21:50

anyfucker is right- the bigger the stories of their great lovelife and massive PDAs the more dodgy it is if you ask me. what are they after -some kind of terry and june certificate of great relationship status?

Debs75 · 16/08/2011 21:53

It has nothing to do with him how you two sleep. Me and dp have spent many a night apart to get some sleep and it doesn't mean we have a loveless realationship.

He sounds like he has realy upset you so I would be telling him tomorrow exactly how you feel. He is defo in the wrong here and nasty to say this to a pregnant accomodating member of his family. Maybe it is his marriage which is lacking in love?

HumphreyCobbler · 16/08/2011 21:53

I agree with those who said that you should suggest they leave. Really, I am flabbergasted that he could say such things to you. How dare he?

QueenStromba · 16/08/2011 21:54

That's such a horrible and insensitive thing to say, especially to someone who is 7 months pregnant and has been kind enough to let you stay at their house for a week. I also think them choosing to watch The Hurt Locker when it's obviously not your thing is bang out of order. It just seems that your BIL has been doing his utmost to try and make you feel uncomfortable in your own home which just isn't on. Do you see your in laws enough for it to be uncomfortable to tell him exactly what you think of his behaviour?

HumphreyCobbler · 16/08/2011 21:56

Anyone who thinks they know more about someone else's relationship than those involved has a serious problems with their ego. And anyone who feels entitled to comment about other people's relationships has a serious problem with their personality.

He is obviously a complete loon. Your SIL must spent a lot of time apologising for him.

AnyFucker · 16/08/2011 21:56

OP, yes she was then (years ago) and still is now

she is a carcrash

still has a drinking problem and many failed relationships

I knew then I would be able to stand her comment down (I was young at the time and kinda looked up to her...more fool me) but I just knew

anyway, your BIL sounds horrible and I really think it's time your DH told he is no longer welcome if you don't feel up to it x

echt · 16/08/2011 21:57

Clearly BIL's overweening sense of entitlement spills over into uncalled-for assessments of others' lives. I also think he knows exactly which of your buttons to press, and is punishing you for the sleeping arrangements.

You've said he's thick-skinned, so telling him off to his face, with DH and SIL present, is needed.

kipperandtiger · 16/08/2011 21:59

That's very very very rude - guests can't insist where they stay. Tell him if he thinks he is too good for your summer house there is always the nearest B&B or hotel. Besides, I think 7 months pregnant trumps 6 month old child, who can use a travel cot (but that's besides the point!!) Tell your DH to start being a proper husband and dad and backing you up. Besides, it's your house! Goodness, if they were so pushy to me, I'd have withdrawn the invite immediately.

Original poster
lightsandshapes · 16/08/2011 22:01

Haha glastonladybird, you're right. They always harp on about how they are perfect with their stay at home mum and religious selves. Neither of those things am I remotely against, but they seems to have this view of their family superiority. Bil said to dh down the phone weeks ago (i had almost forgotten about it) 'are you sure about having a baby, there are plenty of dysfunctional families in the world already'. We are taxpaying, educated, home owning working people in our 30s (me) and 40s (dh). Not that any of that matters a fucking jot to me (I judge people on their souls not their fucking attributes), but how dare he be some barometer of functionality. As you can see, i'm very fucking angry. Thank u for quick replies. Am calmer already (slightly) Angry

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/08/2011 22:02

LAS, you sound lovely

your guests don't deserve you

if you came to my house, I would treat you like a princess, and if I came to yours I would be very grateful, and show it

plupervert · 16/08/2011 22:02

Breakfast Banishment! Now you're talking. Grin

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