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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think £300/year is a pittance...

137 replies

TotallyUtterlyBroke · 08/08/2011 12:21

...to clothe one adult and one teen?

After messy divorce/period of homelessness/move to new house I got into debt and have been on a debt management plan for almost five years. I have just had my annual review where I have to give the DM company details of all my income and expenditure (mortgage, bills, council tax, etc.) and all money leftover after basic needs are met goes to my creditors (mostly bank and credit cards) via standing order. So far, so reasonable...

The creditors give the debt management company 'guidelines' as to what is a reasonable amount for debtors to spend on certain items and I totally accept that I shouldn't be living the life of riley while I owe people money. However... the creditors' guidelines state that one adult and one 14 year old child should only be allowed £30/month between them for ALL clothing and shoes, including school uniform. AIBU in thinking this really isn't realistic even though I buy my own clothes second hand on ebay? I am about to spend almost double that next week to replace my DD's school trousers (2 pairs), school shirts (with logo) (2) and a cheap pair of shoes, which probably won't even last until half term...

I really do understand that I have to repay my debts, but AIBU in thinking £180/year per person for all clothes and shoes is just silly? I am constantly having to into the equally meagre food budget in order to manage, ie. we eat baked beans and spuds for a week or a month when DD needs trainers/PE kit, for example.

OP posts:
Original poster
TotallyUtterlyBroke · 08/08/2011 14:36

Yikes - just looked and now my eyes are watering at the thought of being a KK cup!

OP posts:
gotolder · 08/08/2011 15:01

totally I am filled with SUCH admiration for you and your DD. You are a ray of light in a sometimes very dark world. To have such dignity in these difficult circumstances and to have brought up a DD with such understanding leaves me with tears in my eyes.

We all get so used to those stories of people who expect everyone else to make their lives easier for them: who live on Benefits because they are "better off" (before I am flamed, this does NOT mean that I think those who need help shouldn't get it - I only mean those who CHOOSE to not try to provide for themselves or their families) or teenagers who think their lives are ruined because they cannot have everything they ask for. It is wonderful to read of the opposite end of the spectrum.

Please give your DD my warmest congratulations for being such wonderful young person.

(If only I was a Euromillions winner your troubles would be overGrin).

pilatesgirl33 · 08/08/2011 16:01

to all those people who say you can pick up a cheap bra - not so for some of us! I have to go to bravissimo to get mine which cost about £30+ each and because i am such a big size (30hh) they wear out quickly i usually need a new one every 6-8 weeks!!! That is roughly £180 a year just on bras for me! My daughter just completed her first year at school and has gone through 3 pairs of school shoes and has grown 10cm in height so the uniform i bought in a bigger size probably wont do for this september!!!!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 08/08/2011 16:27

I get my bras from sainsbury but they don't always have 32s so have to get 34s, so they are cheap but don't fit properly!

It's rubbish being skint (I'm there too). I find that for the first few months/years it is not too bad as you can get by with what you already have, wear clothes you have that you don't like that much/have stains/holes, and even go through old clothes in the loft and reuse them, but then after a while they run out and then what do you have . . . fuck all. Primark is great for cheap stuff but it lasts for a couple of months if you are very lucky!

lachesis · 08/08/2011 16:31

Teens grow, you know. Including girls. And they were adult-sizes that are not VAT free.

SleepyFergus · 08/08/2011 16:35

God, there are some right sanctimonious people on here. It might be do-able but it will be hard. But some of you just can't help being holier than thou about it.

LadyWithNoManors · 08/08/2011 17:00

There are lots of people in this position at the moment. Including me. i have no money for clothes and I don't have a massive debt.
It is shit but it's life.

Happylander · 08/08/2011 17:05

£30 a month is more than I have to spend on anything let alone clothes for myself!

lachesis · 08/08/2011 17:28

And so begins the competitive poverty! Here we go! Some people won't be happy until everyone is clothed in rags - no underwear, of course, you don't really need that and people lived millions of years without it- and begging.

[rolls eyes]

bellavita · 08/08/2011 17:34

Grin lachesis! You beat me to it!!

ChunkyBrewster · 08/08/2011 18:03

Totally, you have my total admiration as well. And your DD sounds like a sweetheart. If either of you would fit a size 10, shoe size 38 please PM me as well.

Moanna · 08/08/2011 18:12

I use old dishcloths as clothes and wrap euro shop tape around my norks as I can't afford anything else. Hmm

Op I wish I could send you something too.

BreakOutTheKaraoke · 08/08/2011 18:28

Might be worth trying Debenhams for bras- our local one still has a couple of stands of reduced bras left from the sale, I got a couple of 30 back bras for £6 each. Quite a lot that were left seemed to be the small back, big boobs variety. None on the website, though.

FabbyChic · 08/08/2011 18:31

Appeal the decision to only allow you that amount, make sure you provide specific details of what your son needs for school every year.

I buy all my clothes from eBay and I work full time, but I'd rather a next suit for £12 which looks immaculate than one for £120.00. All barring my underwear and pyjamas is bought from eBay.

However, I would never expect my son to wear clothes from there all his are brand new.

Moanna · 08/08/2011 18:41

You do get bargain new clothes/shoes from eBay too and also totally agree with the Debenhams sale for bras.

My DC are a lot younger but I do buy a lot of their clothes/shoes from eBay.

Adversecamber · 08/08/2011 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marriedinwhite · 08/08/2011 19:07

Apologies OP - didn't mean to start a litany about bras - was only trying to help on the basis that two per year for £30.00 sounded pretty reasonably and pretty abstemious to me. I think I'm mean with clothes but event I buy three a year at £24.00 each - big boobs that need holding in by Triumph thought. But FGS people - take your hats off to the OP - she's doing a brilliant job and deserves a bit of slack.

kiki22 · 08/08/2011 19:13

My mum didn't buy any new clothes for 6 yrs between divorce and me getting a job and buying her some as a treat for clothing me and little sister all our lives... maybe reassess ur attitude to money might be what got u into debt in the first place.

I have read things where people complain they need to start shoppin at H&M n New Look due to rising costs but to me H&M n New look as great shops bit of a treat gettin a dress from new look, usually it's primark or asda.

menagerie · 08/08/2011 19:33

It's a very low amount. How long is the DM programme for? If by sticking with it you'll be out of debt in a year or so then maybe it's doable but if it's longer term that's so tough. I could easily spend the entire adult allowance on shoes as I go through them really heavily.

But your daughter is old enough to get part time work. If she's reliable and offers herself locally as a babysitter she could earn easy money and spend it all on clothes. Or get a Saturday job.

ensure · 08/08/2011 20:30

You must be doing so well to stick to this for 5 years. It is hardly any money for a growing teen.

mouthwash7 · 08/08/2011 20:44

It's not much but i think it depends on how many years you have to do this. We had to do this last year - me and my dh just wore cheap clothes - £10 jeans, £5 t shirts from M&S. Flip flops for summer, wellies for winter for me. Supermarket school uniform or second hand sale. You can get large size economy bras for much less than £30 from supermarkets and M&S. I have a relative in a similar position - her dcs have clothes or vouchers from all the relatives for their birthdays and Xmas.

Yes it's not very nice to live like this but it's possible, just so long as it doesn't go on for ever. I would encourage your dc to get a Saturday job as soon as old enough too. Could earn £40 a week, tax free which would easily cover pocket money and clothes.

Ihatebeingfrugal · 08/08/2011 21:03

Sorry - still on the bra theme!

I was also one of the £30+ bra buyers until I found I could get a brand new, full price, white underwired bra from Asda - Size 34F - £6 Grin

Back to the op - I know what it feels like and it is crap! We had a period when DH and I had nothing new for probably about a year, so that any money could go on the children. No magic answers for you - but I do sympathise!

TheFrogs · 08/08/2011 21:33

Op have you tried George online for odd bits of uniform? I didn't buy any uniform at all last summer, I tend to buy as needed now (I was unlucky enough to have one child start primary and one start secondary the same year, uniform costing over £300 in total). However, last September George online had a sale and I managed to get shirts for 13 year old ds for less than a pound each. If I remember rightly you could have them delivered or collect from local store (more saving if store is close).

Do you have a Home Bargains store or anything like that nearby? They've got all the named products far cheaper than the supermarket. I always try to get our toothpaste, shampoos and household stuff there as they can be ridiculously expensive otherwise.

I know some people would say to that, just buy supermarket own brand value stuff but depending on what it is, it can work out more expensive because it doesn't do the job its supposed to and you just end up buying more.

Re: shoes...I feel your pain, ds has gone up several sizes in the last few years but again, buying very cheap shoes is such a waste of money because they're so badly made they fall apart very quickly.

Dont even start me on bras!

lachesis · 08/08/2011 22:07

How about a side job prostituting yourself and pimping your child? There's good money in that! You can even buy nice underwear for purposes of business, that might be allowed by the 'bring back the workhouse' brigade, just be sure to pay tax and NI to prove how hard-working you are. Make sure you hand over the max to the banks so the few can get their big bonuses off your back, quite literally.

Hmm
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 08/08/2011 22:10

kiki22 My mum didn't buy any new clothes for 6 yrs between divorce and me getting a job and buying her some as a treat for clothing me and little sister all our lives... maybe reassess ur attitude to money might be what got u into debt in the first place.

That's helpful Hmm