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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a tad miffed at joint birthday party email

35 replies

MummyAnnabella · 07/08/2011 20:30

have got email from another school mum suggesting a joint party for our dds 5th birthday party. Basically it suggests I join her and her friend for a joint party. So far so good only my dd was 5 in June and her and other mums dds are 5 in sept and oct. They have said party will be on x date and at x place. Decision made. Am I unreasonable for thinking they just want me to get chequebook out for a third of cost?!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 07/08/2011 20:33

Yes, I think you are!

Hellishday · 07/08/2011 20:33

Surely you have already celebrated your dd's birthday? Why would you do it again?

joric · 07/08/2011 20:34

No, birthday been and gone surely?!! I think money may be reason for suggestion as you say :(

TiaMariaandDietCoke · 07/08/2011 20:36

could they have got your DDs birthday date wrong? Can understand having a joint party (if its what everyone wants) when bdays are a month apart, but any more is a bit odd.... Did your dd have a party in June?

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 07/08/2011 20:37

Yes exactly our celebration already over and I dont want to confuse dd.

Imperial - am intrigued as to reason behind your opinion?

OP posts:
TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 07/08/2011 20:37

You don't have to do it, you know. Decision is NOT made.

Take control.

"Thanks for the offer, but Xs birthday was in July, so I'll have to decline."

create · 07/08/2011 20:37

Have they either mistaken you for someone else, or got your DD's birthday wrong?

If your DD was 5 in June and the others are 5 in Sep & Oct, how are they in the same school year?

joric · 07/08/2011 20:38

Are you going to Say no OP?

CalmaLlamaDown · 07/08/2011 20:39

Really weird! Won't they be in a different school year anyway if your dd all ready 5yo in june and their bdays not until autumn?

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 07/08/2011 20:40

oh, june not july.

even more odd.

say no. it's very easy and not a problem. "no"

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 07/08/2011 20:41

Tia - no they def know date heavens they sent cards!! That's what I thought re the gap would have thought joint parties make sense if in same month or so. We didn't have big party just small get together which one of them came too. Def not against concept of joint parties just thought you would discuss before all birthdays and all have a say. They would have big overlap of guests as their girls in same class.

OP posts:
TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 07/08/2011 20:45

You do have a say! What are you suggesting - that you have to go along with this?

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 07/08/2011 20:45

Yes my dd in class below but we are all friends. Nearly sure I will decline just thought it a bit odd but wasn't sure if it was just me and this thing happens all the time at school as we are fairly new to the birthday party scene as dd my eldest.

Couldn't work out for the life of me why they thought it a good idea except as I say they want me to cough up a third of price.

OP posts:
DeWe · 07/08/2011 20:49

Did you have a big party for your dd's party? Sorry I've just realised you've answered that one above.
I was wondering if you hadn't, whether either you or your dd might have said something that gave them the impression that you (or her) had basically not got round to organising one and wish now you had.
Dd1 shared a party with a friend who's birthday is 4 months later, although the reason was that dd2 came along a week before her birthday, so we were just beginning to organise the party when the friend asked if we could share. There were very few guests in comon (he's the year below) but it actually worked very well, we shared the venue, making the tea and organising the games.

TiaMariaandDietCoke · 07/08/2011 20:49

Well, seeing as your DD has had her party (and they clearly know that) I'd probably email back saying something like "Dear X - I think you may have sent your email to the wrong person - DDs birthday was in June, so she's already celebrated this year. I've put the date in the diary of (other 2 girl's) party though - thanks"

At least that way if she has got confused, you've spared her embarassment (although I can't see how she could possible have forgotten in such a short period of time... Hmm

lachesis · 07/08/2011 20:49

YANBU.

This board is now full of threads about cheeky chancers like this.

Tell them thanks for the thought, but seeing as DD's party was in June, we're past celebrating.

alowVeraWithPurpleTwuntyPants · 07/08/2011 20:49

I don't think that it would be unreasonable to say no. Especially when you dd had her birthday in June.

create · 07/08/2011 20:49

OP can obviously (and hopefully will) say no, but the fact that they've organised it all before even checking the date with her is odd. If she wanted to do it, she'd want to be involved in the planning/have some say on time/place etc.

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 07/08/2011 20:56

Tia & lach -you made me laugh. Hope we are still invited if I am not paying!! I do think they are being chancers. Can't for the life of me see any other reason for this.

Dewe-wasn't big party but had beach picnic with dd and 2 friends inc one of the other girls and her mum!! They were def clear we weren't wanting anything big this year.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 07/08/2011 20:57

OP, it's obvious to me that she wants someone to share the cost of her children's party.

She's probably seen the cost and thought, "We should share with someone." I don't know why she's thought of you and not someone else with a birthday around the same season, but she's picked on you.

For one thing, why would your one child want to share a party with two siblings?

For another, why, given your child's birthday is two months ago, would you want to have another celebration now?

You have to think why she asked you. Are you usually pretty meek in her presence? Does she think she can bully you into it?

You just need to text back, "But DC had her birthday party in June! Your DC (name) came to the party!"

For god's sake don't go along with her manipulation, OP.

pigletmania · 07/08/2011 21:07

Just say no sorry dd birthday was in June so have celebrated it then. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Whats the point in Celebrating a birthday that has gone ages ago Hmm

IslaValargeone · 07/08/2011 21:10

I don't think you are too far off the mark re splitting the cost, unless they have genuinely got your dc's date wrong. Just say no, been and gone already celebrated.

beanandspud · 07/08/2011 21:14

Maybe it's an early celebration for next year's birthday? Get it done and out of the way with 10 months to spare Grin.

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 07/08/2011 21:20

Imperial - no not meek but am easy going. Will say no as just wouldn't work for us and dd would be confused I think.

Question was more is cost splitting behind this rather than should I do it. Just thought it was strange when one of them came to our picnic where I catered for a group of us.

I guess what I'm really miffed at is that they seem to be more concerned re making it cheaper for them than what suits my dd. If they really wanted a joint party I would have expected a chat about it before my dds birthday.

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 07/08/2011 21:21

Bean -v funny. Will I say that to them?!

OP posts:
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