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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder if Facebook makes far more people miserable than happy.

80 replies

wigglybeezer · 04/08/2011 12:36

I have a facebook account; it is quite handy for keeping in touch with far flung friends etc. However, I must be turning into a miserable old bag because I find it increasingly hard hearing about others triumphs (with the exception of new baby photo's, I enjoy those!) as I end up feeling bad about my life and choices.

Present angst is caused by holiday photo's as my carefully planned holiday contained a few incidents that, while not ruining things for the kids, led to DH especially getting very tired and stressed when he really needed a break. My friends, in contrast seem to have had amazingly wonderful times, judging by the hundreds of lovely photos posted.

I also find it difficult when achievements (this week it is exam results) of clever talented children are joyously proclaimed. My lot are a mixed bunch academically due to assorted special needs but I would feel uncomfortable listing even their fancy dress prizes!

If I post on Facebook I tend to try and be funny in a self deprecating way, tell me I'm not the only one?

I can't bring myself to step away.

OP posts:
MorticiaAddams · 04/08/2011 12:40

You're only getting a snapshot of people's lives on facebook. They're hardly going to get their camera out and take holiday photos of their children fighting and having tantrums are they?

Facebook certainly doesn't make me miserable but I suppose it depends on you as a person and the friends you have on facebook. If you really don't like it then just step away.

Shanghaidiva · 04/08/2011 12:45

Agree with Morticia - you are only seeing one side. For some Facebook is just one long brag fest. Reminds me of the Xmas letters which my brother sends. One year contained a list of all countries they had visited that year...
I kid you not.

redexpat · 04/08/2011 12:49

People only post what they want you to see. I only have 2 friends with children on my newsfeed because the others are all mind numbingly dull.

Kallista · 04/08/2011 12:50

I enjoy FB but then i'm off work ill - it has made me feel less lonely.

Original poster
wigglybeezer · 04/08/2011 12:54

I suppose I wonder why they post such gushing stuff. I was brought up to think it was bad manners to boast.

I am a bit insecure, i freely admit that. I partly go on facebook to try and build up my tolerance of life's little inequalities; I regularly post lovely comments with a smile fixed on my face,

I suppose they think they are genuinely spreading joy and that it would be bad manners to have a moan. I don't want to think they are being competitive.

Oh God, I am just a bitter old grump aren't I?

OP posts:
TapDancingPimp · 04/08/2011 12:56

It's a popularity contest (for some, not all). I find it highly suspicious when people make plans over Facebook, surely that's what mobile phones are for?! Although I suppose most people go onto FB via their phones these days....I dunno.

The whole thing has become a joke in my opinion. I went off it the day my Dad decided to make an account...

changeforthebetter · 04/08/2011 12:59

I wonder if FB is a sort of 21st C version of the round robin? One friend posted about her 5 yo (yes, that is 5) academic achievement in reception. I was a bit Hmm but she is gobby lively in general, plus her life has been truly shitty this year so I think she must've been pleased to have something to boast about. Exam results seem a bit ick if parents do it, kids posting their own, is understandable.

I have posted about 4 times today because I am bored, premenstrual, it is raining and I am having a bad-parent day Grin. I apologise (anonymously) for the inanity of my posts. I

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 04/08/2011 12:59

FB doesnt make me miserable but I do know loads of people who have had fallings out just due to it.

People dont use it properly, they scrutinise other peoples status's, get all paranoid in thinking its about then or get all annoyed coz a mate is out with other mates and they werent invited.

I have a lovely fb bubble, I love scramble, like doing funny status's and keeping in touch with friends abroad etc and generally having a giggle on there.

My 10 year old nephew requested my friendship - erm, no thank you, lol!

Original poster
wigglybeezer · 04/08/2011 13:00

I think I am too Scottish for Facebook, maybe I should start a facebook page where the only competition allowed is competitive grumbling.

OP posts:
doncaster1 · 04/08/2011 13:00

I know how you feel. I think all of my friends must have really clever children given all the glowing report posts I see. However, it not really that which makes me sad. It all the people commenting how sad it is that x or y celebrity has died but they can't be bothered to expess sympathy when one of their "friends" loses a loved one.

HPonEverything · 04/08/2011 13:08

I use FB exactly like you do, OP, but a lot of my contacts use it to create drama which I find depressing in a kind of 'is this what human nature has come to' type way. I'm really careful what I post and tend towards self-deprecation too.

The ones who post lovely pics of (and statuses about) their beautiful clever talented children don't bother me because they're hardly going to post the horrific photos of their DC having a tantrum or declare on a status that it failed all its exams, that sort of stuff will be hush-hushed.

Meh as long as I can get on Farmville people can do what they like on there I suppose!

addressbook · 04/08/2011 13:09

wigglybeezer Grin - I am in Scotland and it is a bloody miserable day and the kids are driving me mad. Moan away!

I post about films/books I have enjoyed and the odd photo of my kids. I don't get many responses but I am not bothered. I am all too aware of the darker side of social psychology FB poses

NolaDarling · 04/08/2011 13:10

I'm not the least bit impressed with Facebook showoffs. Some of these people live their lives just to be "liked" on Facebook.

gramercy · 04/08/2011 13:12

I saw someone say that FB is porn for round robin fans: they can send them 360 days a year!

I don't "do" FB but I've had the odd look at other people's. I find it quite depressing - people thinking their lives are so fascinating and when it's all reduced to a few photos it looks so... samey. I've seen so many pictures of people celebrating 40th birthday parties (or 50ths!) and the party may have been tremendous fun but all I see is some ageing people doing mum and dad dancing in a pub's back room with a table of dreary-looking vol au vents in the background.

HPonEverything · 04/08/2011 13:14

I'm just glad FB never existed when I was 13 or 14. My neighbour's daughter uses it to gang up with her mates against other mates, little in-jokes clearly intended to draw intrigue and then "we can't tell you what we're on about", and tagged pictures "if you're tagged on this it means I love you", cue comments underneath of "why aren't I tagged? :( " OMG such drama!

I imagine it makes these kids feel miserable and bullied, and I think as a teenager I'd have been badly affected by this kind of thing.

GoEasyPudding · 04/08/2011 13:22

HPonEverything, you are so right. I was thinking the very same thing recently. I think FB would have been a terrible thing in my life if it had been around when I was a kid. How do kids cope with it?

Where is that line between "news" and just boasting?

Harryan · 04/08/2011 13:26

Facebook....The root of all evil...That is all.

BlobChob · 04/08/2011 13:30

I tend to avoid the FB 'friends' who want to post happy clappy Stepford wife ballox...I like to keep it real myself..and rant away in relative happiness, is a good outlet and people don't have to read it at the end of the day or know where the 'unfriend' link is. I can't step away myself but hey...is the nature of the beast.

I did have a partner ditch me for a random OW he met through playing poker on FB. I had my suspicions at the time so set up parental controls on my mac and found out the sordid details quite easily. I was 12 weeks pregnant at the time and it turned out he had been 'chatting' with her since before we conceived. I tracked her down and wished her luck...he moved onto someone after he'd sucked her in! I was well shot so thank you FB! :)

bandgeek · 04/08/2011 13:31

I hate the boasting as well, all the 'can my life be any more fabulous?' posts make me' a bit Hmm

So do all the 'my life sucks' posts and post which are full of sad faces so people ate compelled to ask 'what's wrong hon?'

I really should step away but I'm addicted. I'm like you OP, I try to be funny and self deprecating, don't know how it comes across to other people though Confused

rhondajean · 04/08/2011 13:31

Ive got to get back to work so cant look it up just now but there was some research recently about use of social networking sites being linked to depression because as someone else said, everyone posts the best bits of their lives and we start comparing.

I dont FB and never will. Its so last week any dahling hehe.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 04/08/2011 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumcentreplus · 04/08/2011 13:34

Bluddy boring...

Original poster
wigglybeezer · 04/08/2011 13:35

In RL I would probably ask my friends how their children had done in their exams but there is an important difference between being asked and tailoring your reply to the individual and broadcasting the info IMHO.

Facebook is a blunt instrument.

ADRESSBOOK, it is pouring here too!

OP posts:
glitterkitten · 04/08/2011 13:37

i thank my lucky stars facebook and "Social Networking" were not around during my childhood/adolescence. i can only imagine how much more pressure kids find themselves under as a result of it.

Mumcentreplus · 04/08/2011 13:41

even more boring is bluddy Twitter

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