AIBU to wonder if Facebook makes far more people miserable than happy.

[wigglybeezer]

I have a facebook account; it is quite handy for keeping in touch with far flung friends etc. However, I must be turning into a miserable old bag because I find it increasingly hard hearing about others triumphs (with the exception of new baby photo's, I enjoy those!) as I end up feeling bad about my life and choices.

Present angst is caused by holiday photo's as my carefully planned holiday contained a few incidents that, while not ruining things for the kids, led to DH especially getting very tired and stressed when he really needed a break. My friends, in contrast seem to have had amazingly wonderful times, judging by the hundreds of lovely photos posted.

I also find it difficult when achievements (this week it is exam results) of clever talented children are joyously proclaimed. My lot are a mixed bunch academically due to assorted special needs but I would feel uncomfortable listing even their fancy dress prizes!

If I post on Facebook I tend to try and be funny in a self deprecating way, tell me I'm not the only one?

I can't bring myself to step away.

I think I will go to the tip this afternoon, good way to get rid of angst. Off to buy binbags, thanks for replying to mu post.

I completely agree OP. Depending on my state of mind I can find FB quite debilitating in terms of self esteem and confidence in parenting (if a friends child is doing something my DD is not yet). I did 'unfriend' an individual who, on the workfront at least, was causing me some anxiety (am an academic and he kept posting new journal publications :-( - felt much better having deleted him!) LOL

I am starting a new site called Shame Book where you go to post the everyday reality. Bad photos, ruined holidays, sad days, and crushed dreams.

I don't think I could've coped with facebook as a teenager. I am amazed by the subtle (and not so subtle) bullying that is rife on there. Snide comments about each others photos, this weird tagging business and seeing other kids "fabulous" social life and bemoaning your own.

shame book is a brilliant idea.

Yeah, people boast on facebook...

But behind the smiles, there's morning gin, prozac, and simmering resentments

Why thank you glitterkitten, I am hoping it will be huge!

goeasy my facebook reads a bit shamebook as do most of my friends.

I can't be bothered with the could my life be any more perfect posts but find the day to day can be very amusing when posted by someone who isn't just out to brag.

I love the idea of shamebook. I often post crap things like dd1 telling me she's bored at 6.45am on the first week of the summer holidays.
You need to keep telling yourselves that it's not a real reflections of people's lives - I thought one friend had a life of non-stop parties but turns out she was being bullied at work, her boyfriend had left her etc. She just didn't post that stuff.
It's also useful for "announcements" like pregnancies and new baby's, and to tell people we were safe following a particularly nasty bombing when we lived overseas....

I'm on FB but I really hate it! I know I should leave but because I have a lot of long-distance friends and relatives on there I feel I have to stick around.

My pet hates:

1. Stealth boasting: anything from 'ooo we're so lucky [the nanny]'s here so we can have a lie-in (what'ya doin on FB then? Huh? , to 'I'm so proud of my lovely dd for licking her toenails' by pushy parents (not so bad if I know that the parents are nice and non-pushy . Filmed showcases of talents, eg swimming, doing ballet etc. Aaaargh... ALSO - photo uploads of their new cars, ALWAYS flashy cars of course. So crass, so tasteless.

1. Pouting, posturing, oh look at me and my fabulous life! A self-publicising load of drivel.

1. Status updates thrice-daily, often 'poor little me' shameless pity-seeking shite. Oh, and incessant updates from parents about lack of sleep. Once or twice a year, fair enough... but every week or so? You're boring me. Sort it out.

1. Anyone with more than 300 'friends'... I mean WTF?? Friend collecting in extremis.

I know someone with over 2 thousand friends on facebook. He is not even famous.

I like what you said TrickyBiscuits: "behind the smiles, morning gin, prozac.. " that really made me laugh.

So on Shamebook we can all post the really dreadful reality or worse still our cruel inner voices.....

Or maybe photos such as
"This is me feeling a bit sad sitting on the sofa eating a family size packet of maltesers"

I closed my account 4 months ago, havent been on it for about 7 months and I havent missed it one bit. It's a load of shite for people who spout a load of shite who need approval from other shite spouters.

I have blocked lots of people from the news feed; anyone who boasts or posts more than once every few days.
I do find it useful for keeping in touch and sharing pics (I love looking at people's pictures). Also useful for new friends for conversation starters, eg 'did you have fun at xxx' if you are bad at small talk!
Also only friends with actual friends!

its a good question. And the misery question will be asked of the Internet soon.

I prefer lamebook... its hilarious!

I would prefer to be friends with some the posters that make it onto there- far more entertaining!

Yes, Wigglybeezer - I am far too Scottish in my fb attitude as well. It does make me cringe happily when I spot the bragging, or the witty reporting of present activites or even the 'wine oclock' posts.

I have to say though that my recent holiday photos look amazing (brag) but actually I couldn't wait to get home.

I like fb because it is so transparent. The bragging is a 'please like me, I need to be liked' insecurity which makes me like them. Does that make any sense?

I have to say that most of the amusing facebook posters I know are men, like my brother and some of my old school friends, they actually are witty and mention current affairs or link to thought provoking articles. If they mention their families it is more realistic, less Hello magazine. They also don't post every five minutes. DB did boast about seeing a Golden Eagle recently but I didn't mind that.

I don't bother with Twitter (don't have a smartphone anyway), today's tweets would have been "tidied shed", "ordered hoover bags", "got lost on way to the tip", "ate bag of crisps (tesco value) to cheer self up". Not vintage stuff!

i thank my lucky stars facebook and "Social Networking" were not around during my childhood/adolescence. i can only imagine how much more pressure kids find themselves under as a result of it.

Agree with this. I worry for my DD when she's older.

I've a friend who's 18 and desperate to be popular and I can clearly see that FB just makes her more insecure and unhappy - she's on it constantly.

1 in 4 divorces cites Facebook as a reason...

Agree it's a big pressure for teens, but one that IMO they have to learn to deal with to be part of what's normal for their generation - the only people my 16 year old knows who aren't on FB are social outcasts in other ways too. If literally almost everyone is doing it, then it just become the new normal, for good and ill.
Myself, I like it - I've got back in touch with my best friend from when I was 10, whom I'd been out of touch with for 35 years, through FB, which has been really great - and I like staying casually in touch with lots of people I seldom see but whose news I'm pleased to read when I feel like it. I was sad enough to be quite pleased when I got to 100 friends - but not many of mine brag, and most of them only post occasionally - which is just fine by me!

My Dc were among the first to be on Fbook, as it started off being for London Uni and Oxbridge students only. I think DD probably spent 25% of her life on it for a while. However, they are now 24 and might post once a week or so, in the case of my DD, and even less for my DS. They really dislike the fact that it was opened to everyone, particularly schoolkids.

Surely if you think a person is bragging or you're having unkind thoughts about them they're not really a friend and thus should be deleted? That's what I do.

An old school friend recently added 169 photos of her dd's 6th birthday party!! This was after the 400 photos of their holiday in blahblahblah!!!
She needs to be deleted!

It always seems weird to me if people have 300+ friends-do they even really know some of these people?!

facebook might be 'open to everyone' but your own facebook you can keep quite tight to a small group of friends.
i love it personally, i keep in touch with loads of friends, some who are abroad doing fascinating things, others who i just don't see much (SAHMs on mat leave). i cull out people i don't really 'know' and don't feel comfortable sharing stuff with.
among my friends, for every 'isn't my child wonderful' there's usually a 'omg why won't he sleep' post - its pretty balanced.