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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want another baby even though I don't enjoy being pregnant, and don't enjoy maternity leave, can't afford another baby .... and millions of other reasons not to

43 replies

majormetldown · 03/08/2011 20:48

Anyone else have these seemingly irrational urges? I desperately want a third baby even though I don't enjoy being pregnant; don't enjoy maternity leave; can't afford another baby; know it would damage my career which I love; it would upset my DH a lot; ummm, well loads of other reasons why it would be a very bad idea. Strange.

OP posts:
pinkteddy · 03/08/2011 20:49

I think its just the basic human urge to reproduce!

lachesis · 03/08/2011 20:51

It's not unreasonable to want to, but it's irresponsible to if you don't make provision adequately. You know that, though.

foreverdirt · 03/08/2011 20:51

I get this and not only would I almost certainly be unable to carry to term and possibly die/baby would die in the process, DH has had a vasectomy!

GoodnightNobody · 03/08/2011 20:51

yes. Empathy for you here.

we have no space, money for a 3rd but I would love one.

2littlegreenmonkeys · 03/08/2011 20:52

YANBU. I really want another DC, but for so many reasons it is just not going to/cannot happen.

The urge is so intense it is driving me insane, not helped by the fact that EVERYONE I know seem to be having a baby right now.

I seem to have taken it upon myself to mother my cousin through her first pregnancy and she lives 400 miles away from me Grin Hmm

GoodnightNobody · 03/08/2011 20:53

I think biology is very powerful, hence the 'urges,' but I agree with lachesis that to bring up children now days is costly in many, many ways.

HeatherSmall · 03/08/2011 20:55

I filmed myself with my head in the toilet last time, chucking my guts up, sobbing and yet still fat.
I will never do that again.
hth

sproggaaaaah · 03/08/2011 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 03/08/2011 21:07

I have awful pregnancies

I get awful pnd

I hate maternity leave

I am the main wage earner

They never seem to sleep til a year old

We have no family support

We only just scrape by (but do)

We had a third Blush

I am however now cured Grin

FlubbaBubba · 03/08/2011 21:34

Oh yes, I'm with you on this one and want a fourth, although I find myself arguing that we do have the space (we don't), that it would be 'free' as we already have boys' and girls' stuff (although I've given most of the baby stuff away), it'd balance our family out nicely (although we're very happy with our family of five), we could afford it easily (we couldn't) etc etc. Luckily Hmm Confused DH is less persuadable so it looks like we'll stick with the three gorgeous ones we have :o

Henrythehappyhelicopter · 03/08/2011 23:24

At the age of 39 with two dds, a good job, newly promoted, I decided I wanted another baby.

DH said we would discuss it and we drew up a list of pros and cons.

There were many cons and only one pro "I want one."

Needless to say I had one.

I think an overwhelming need is the best reason there is.

Allinabinbag · 03/08/2011 23:26

This is soooo the thread for me, I feel exactly the same. Head says no, heart says 'last chance and you only get one life'...

Allinabinbag · 03/08/2011 23:29

I once met a very distinguished looking older lady at a conference and we got chatting about life, love and regrets. She said that although she had had a very successful career as a scientist, her biggest regret was not having more than two children. She was in her mid-sixties then, perhaps the longing never went away for her (I know I'm not helping anything with this anecdote).

dreamingbohemian · 03/08/2011 23:34

I feel exactly the same.

We have one DC and practically speaking it would be madness to have another one in the next few years... but I'm 40... so probably not going to happen.

But I want one!

Two of my friends are having their second and I'm so jealous.

Sometimes I find myself wishing for an 'accident' Blush Is that awful? Am I the only one?

sundayrose10 · 03/08/2011 23:36

I only have the one and would love another one. My child is nearly a teen and Im 30 but single. Only thing stopping me is the rare times of sanity of why it's not a good idea.

ImperialBlether · 03/08/2011 23:37

OK I am much older than you, OP, and can't get pregnant again, but even now if I could, I would, regardless of everything. It's something that will stay with you - sometimes you'll feel it more strongly than other times, but that urge is there, like a soundtrack to your life. It doesn't mean you have to act on it, just hold your children tight and remember when they were young.

dreamingbohemian · 03/08/2011 23:43

'It doesn't mean you have to act on it, just hold your children tight and remember when they were young.'

Imperial that's very sweet Smile

Thanks for that, I'm going to try to remember that every time I think about this!

Beveridge · 03/08/2011 23:55

Having babies is like that well known crisp slogan - 'once you pop, you can't stop...'

I didn't even want kids 4 years ago, have now had 2 and frighteningly find myself rather keen to do it again. DH is adamant he's off for the snip, for reasons of finance and sleep deprivation. But the GP won't refer you until your last DC is at least 1 year old.....

Thing is, it seems a shame now that I know so much about babies to just stop at 2 (we had a stint in neonatal this time too, am now a dab hand at tubefeeds!).

ImperialBlether · 04/08/2011 00:03

Grin at 'once you pop, you can't stop'!

branstonsandcheese · 04/08/2011 00:12

Beveridge, my DH got his snip when DC3 was just three months old! We did have two DCs in a year though Blush - and DC2 had medical issues. Perhaps the GP thought he was saving us from ourselves.

(would have six kids if I could)

BodyofChristLegsofTinaTurner · 04/08/2011 00:30

I need to stop reading these threads. There's just DS at the moment, but we'd love at least three DCs. But I cannot possibly get pregnant for another year or two.

Must finish my honours degree.

Must work full time for at least a year afterwards in our super duper minimum wage jobs so we can save money to move abroad.

Must move abroad so DH can get a job where he can use his degree.

Poor DS will be at least 5 before we have another at this rate. When I got pregnant with him I cried for about two weeks because I didn't want to be pregnant, I didn't want children until I was at least thirty. (Was twenty-four at the time). Now each month, when I get my period, I'm a little bit upset that I haven't accidentally gotten pregnant again.

BodyofChristLegsofTinaTurner · 04/08/2011 01:06

Must stop killing threads also.

coff33pot · 04/08/2011 01:48

unkilled Grin

I am a lot older and still would like another. But logically head turns on and its only the fact that I dont think I could cope with the teenage years when I would be in my late 60s Grin Still got two to go past that stage yet. It doesnt stop the biological wanting though.

BodyofChristLegsofTinaTurner · 04/08/2011 08:57

Coff, I hate logic sometimes. And thanks for the resurrection of the thread!

pommedechocolat · 04/08/2011 09:02

My mum always says that with hindsight not having three children is her biggest regret in life. She does say however that when db and I were little it was the last thing she wanted!

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