to think it's sad to request "no flowers" at a funeral

[gailpottertilsleyplatt]

It's my cousin's funeral on Monday She was 53 and never married or had dc so her father and siblings have made all arrangements. They have requested no flowers but donations in lieu ... I will comply with their wishes but can't help thinking that it's sad not to give someone a send off with flowers.

What do you think?

No, the flowers are not for the dead person's benefit banana. They are a celebration of the life they have led, a thing of beauty where words cannot necessarily be found. I'd like flowers at my funeral as a demonstration of life and beauty - I will have gone but the world and its wonders will still be there.

"surely the flowers are supposed to be for the dead person's benefit"

Sorry for your loss OP. Apologies but haven't read whole thread as I find it a little upsetting as my bereavements are pretty recent.

When my parents died, we requested family flowers only and donations were made to the charities of the horrible illnesses that killed them. We found that people were very generous and some placed flowers at their graves at a later date.

NO rubyrubyruby that person did not care for 'the deceased' as you put it - they did fuck all for my Mother during a long and painful illness, they were and still are an emotional vampire and frankly they were very fortunate I didn't actually shove their shite flowers up their arse. You have no idea so do not judge.

It is sweet that you imagine that people always do thing because they care, sometimes they do things because they care about themselves and need to assuage their guilt.

So sending flowers when you have been expressly asked not too is rude and disrespectful. And no was joking about being a bitch I know it sounds like I take a hard line but actually my families wishes about how a funeral pans out supersedes the wishes of anyone else. I didn't want any other flowers because I wanted to do them, that is my right and I asked for donations for her hospice. It just so happens that the flowers were awful anyway and frankly, what I and my family want is more important than pleasing other people who have chosen to ignore a request.

Is it so wrong to want only flowers that I (and my Mum for that matter) consider lovely?

control freak moi?

This is such an emotive subject.When dh died it was Spring time and because he was a Wordsworth scholar we requested daffodils only with a small donation to the MS society if people wanted.The coffin was banked with gold and the dc and I were heartened by the sight.The MS society benefited by a largish sum too.
I waould never ever reject flowers no matter who sent them-a thought is being sent-it says 'I remember' and is important.

why not plant something in your garden in her memory

My mum's funeral was held 10 days ago and it was only 'home grown flowers' or donations. I managed to scrape together some sweet peas but not many were in flower then, so looked quite pathetic but she always liked those flowers.

Now the sweet peas are out in force and they will always remind me of her.

Buying flowers for funerals is a waste, yes her coffin did look bare in the hearse but why line the pockets of florists?

If flowers are a "waste" then what is the point of hearses, coffins made of anything more than cardboard, people wearing black and everything else that often goes with funerals? After all the dead person won't see those either...

We requested no flowers,when my dad died just donations to the local hospice.
Instead of flowers, as he was a big allotment man, we did a display with vegetables (including leeks as he was Welsh)
He would have liked that and seen the funny side.

The vegetable display sounds wonderful Hellishday :)

It was my cousin's funeral today and there was a single spray of lillies on her coffin. It didn't seem inadequate after all, just understated as she would have wanted. It was a lovely send off for a lovely person and I'm glad the hospice will benefit from our donations.