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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call DD's vagina her vagina?

247 replies

LauLauLemon · 03/08/2011 15:44

I don't think I am but this has now caused hell to the point where my 93 year old Grandmothet has refused to see me, my Bampi is yelling at me and everyone is up in arms.

Apparently it's a sexual term, not one to be used by little girls and I'm a bad mother. It's got to the point where my nosy grandma tried to find in laws in the phone book to complain to them about their horrible son using the word to his daughter "Get your hands off your vagina" after she was messing around.

What exactly is wrong with a three year old knowing her vagina is called just that. I'm not going to make up names for it.

Also, if DD uses this term in nursery Bampi seems to think I'll be called in for a meeting and asked not to return.

AIBU or are family just a load of bonkers twats?

OP posts:
jeckadeck · 03/08/2011 16:17

sorry, AmberLeaf what on earth is pretentious about using the anatomical word for a bit of the body? Would you prefer everyone use a different family euphemism up and down the country so no-one knows what you're talking about? I don't think there's anything wrong with using baby names for a bit but the idea that using proper words is pretentious is a bit screwed up imho. It just reinforces the idea that there's something shameful or embarrassing about it. No wonder little girls still have hang-ups about this sort of thing...

AmberLeaf · 03/08/2011 16:18

I was brought up calling my Bampi that. A lot of Welsh folk call their grandfather Bampi around these parts

I was brought up calling my front bum that. A lot of folk call their vulva front bum around these parts

Original poster
LauLauLemon · 03/08/2011 16:20

AmberLeaf, what has that got to do with anything? I'm not saying there aren't other names just that I don't and I was asking if I was being unreasonable not to use those others.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 03/08/2011 16:20

jeckadeck its pretentious because most people that do it arent even using the correct terminology!

Its vulva not vagina.

It so doesnt reinforce the idea of it being shameful at all.

What hang ups do little girls have about this sort of thing??

biddysmama · 03/08/2011 16:21

we call a penis a penis but dd decided her vulve/vaginal area was called a "witwoo" so thats what we call it but breasts/breastmilk are also called "yummyyummys"

AmberLeaf · 03/08/2011 16:22

What exactly is wrong with a three year old knowing her vagina is called just that. I'm not going to make up names for it

But its ok to make up names for your grandfather?

Its the same thing, thats why impointing it out.

festi · 03/08/2011 16:25

I use the correct terms when needed but dd who is 5, has adopted a generic "bum" for her ginitals and her anus. thas fiine with me, if she has a sore bum, I just ask is it your vagina, vulva or anus etc and she knows what is what. or if she says I "hurt my bottom", "which part?" she can answer specifically. also I put cream on her "bum". or in a very unlady like fashion she often says, "wee hole", "babie hole" or "bum hole"

I think what ever works, but for me fluffy names dont work and I have never found one that I can say with ease. I dont think it matters what they say, as long as they know and understand the correct terms.

In my experience of nephews they say "winky" and "balls" but they all know penis, scrotum etc.

Original poster
LauLauLemon · 03/08/2011 16:25

It's fine to make up names I'm just not going to for a vulva/vagina. I have nothing against those who call it whatever they want.

OP posts:
VelvetSnow · 03/08/2011 16:26

agree with AmberLeaf.

You're so adamant for dd to use the correct words for things, and I bet she grows up to call her grandfather "Bampi"

contradiction anyone??

worzelswife · 03/08/2011 16:26

See to me I think it is incredibly important that children can use the correct terms; vulva, vagina, penis, etc. If a child is abused they need to be 100% comfortable discussing those areas because otherwise you're potentially putting them through more shame when they come to describe what happened. Does that make sense?

I'm thinking of therapy or court cases where someone has to describe where they've been touched and clear terms need to be used. Sad If you're used to saying the word vulva it's not going to be as hard to describe that area. I saw a court case once and the teenage girl had huge trouble describing where she had been touched. The lawyer was pressing her and pressing her, 'yes but where exactly do you mean?' and she was struggling to say the words. Obviously it's hard enough anyway talking about an assault, but if you're used to using a different word and just find saying the word 'vagina' mortifying then that's even worse.

mumnotmachine · 03/08/2011 16:26

Its willy and foof here#

Bampi isnt a mde up word for Grandfather, its a widely used word, especially in the S Wales valleys- everyone has a Nan and Bampi!!

jeckadeck · 03/08/2011 16:27

AmberLeaf I didn't say it was vagina, I just said the correct word. I just can't see why its pretentious to use the correct word. Would you also advocate making up a random baby word for the knee, the shoulder or the ribcage? no, because no-one would understand you. If you want to use baby words go ahead but chastising people who are adult enough to use correct anatomical words as "pretentious" is just bonkers...

Butterbur · 03/08/2011 16:27

It's ironic that people are up in arms about cutesy nicknames for female genitalia, on a messageboard where the prevailing term is fanjo!

VelvetSnow · 03/08/2011 16:28

round of applause to Butterbur - point well made!

VelvetSnow · 03/08/2011 16:29

mumnotmachine It's a made up word, regardless of how many people use it.

Someone made it up, then it just caught on I suspect.

allhailtheaubergine · 03/08/2011 16:30

Do people who call it a vagina or vulva also wipe their child's "anus" when they "defacate"?

Or is it okay to wipe their bum when they've done a poo?

Failsafe · 03/08/2011 16:30

I dont see what the issue is, a vagina is a vagina. end of. Why give certain body parts prissy names unnecessarily.
And if certain posters care to read LLL's posts insteadt of trying to be pedantic they will see that she is actually talking about her DDs vagina.

"I actially have been talking about her vagina. She pulls apart her labia and has a look etc. that's what we mean by get off it."

mumnotmachine · 03/08/2011 16:30

Ohhh Ive not heard of fanjo!!
What a fab word!!!!

Original poster
LauLauLemon · 03/08/2011 16:30

Yes, to make it clear Bampi isn't a word my family or I made up.

I might just make her say fanjo to please my family but also let her know the correct terms (including vulva). The issue I have there though is that she may get confused.

OP posts:
mumnotmachine · 03/08/2011 16:31

Oh is it?
I thought it was a Welsh translation!!!

mumnotmachine · 03/08/2011 16:32

thats Bampi, not fanjo*

spiderpig8 · 03/08/2011 16:33

I think it would sound dreadful to hear a little girl talking about her 'vulva' very cringe-making!!

festi · 03/08/2011 16:35

i think vagina is an ok generic term by the way OP, I say mouth and that covers everything including lips. nose everything including nostruls, philtrem etc etc.

SuePurblybilt · 03/08/2011 16:35

I hate the word vulva and it caused much confusion in my own formative years as my mother drove an old volvo. So I tend to go with 'bottom' and like another poster, will ask 'front or back?' if DD is talking about a problem.

She does know the real terms as she is fairly obsessive about animals, vet programmes and has an odd interest in the mating habits of various species. I shouldn't imagine my GP would like her talking about that either but it's not up to them. YANBU.

ShowOfHands · 03/08/2011 16:40

allhail, bum and poo are different. Bum and poo are just different words for something and we all know what they mean. But to me foofoo is the woman up the road's poodle, a twinkie is a foodstuff, a flower something in the garden. It's naming of parts, no more, no less. And it's bloody ridiculous that a shared term for female anatomy can be sniggered at, blushed at and deemed unsuitable for an innocent child. Like a vulva/vagina is somehow invested with some kind of filthy meaning by token of its very existence/nomenclature. But then isn't it interesting how we use terms for female genitalia in an offensive way. Cunt? Twat? Fear of the name, only increases fear of the thing itself.

And what LLL is saying isn't 'is it better to say xyz' but 'is there any good reason why I shouldn't use x' or more specifically 'is it completely ridiculous to be hounded for it by a family member'.