To ask dd's friend to say please and thank you whilst on a play date?

[Sleepglorioussleep]

Didn't really think about it, dd had friend round, both seven, and friend asked for drink (bit of a tone in the way she asked). As a reflex really I said, "say please" and she informed me that she didn't have to say please. I, bit less reflex this time, said that we do in our house. Mother rang me the next day to say that what I'd said was unacceptable. I promise faithfully that both comments to her dd were made in a pleasant tone! Aibu?

I heard of one little charmer who, when asked
"What's the magic word?" replied, "Now!"

Rockinhippy, I wouldn't confess to saying 'pardon' on MN. Especially not on judgey threads. I was brought up to say it, but some MN'ers think it's worse than not saying 'please'.

wow! how mad. a parent actually opting for their child to be rude rather than being told what to do.

when i was teaching we had parents like that 'don't tell my kids what to do' ...er, that's kind of why i'm here!

BelfastBloke - what's wrong with pardon?

i can kind of see the mother's pov
better that the child learn the meaning of please and thank you than just being told to say it

when they understand the meaning..properly... it's a better lesson

thought the use of the word cunt was charming

it's uncooof, innit?

don't say pardon btw say..sorry or I'm sorry I didn't hear what you said etc
pardon uggghhhh

Really?

You live and learn

Told you, didn't I?

I was dragged up, me.

[mental note to self to tell dds never, ever to say 'pardon' on a playdate, or risk finding self featured in MN thread]

A Belfast Bloke who says pardon?

Shurley What? from your sort..?

ha ha hester

Belfast I thought you were joking at first, but see not so

Pardon is fine around here & will remain so

No, you aren't supposed to say sorry either apparently. Sorry and pardon are the same thing, 'sorry i beg your pardon' etc. It is a middle class affectation to sound posh.

Really posh/well bred people say 'what' - as they don't need to be sorry to no one!

'aren't supposed to' ...

sez who?

What do you reckon? "erm, sorry, didn't know your rules" or pathetic non confrontational words to that effect! Bit shocked and put on the spot! Plenty I'd have said if I was a bit more assertive!

When your child returns the playdate, encourage her to burp after a meal and see if that raises any eyebrows

When anyone asks my DC "What is the magic word?" they say:

"abracadabra!".

guess they won't get many playdates then...

What else does the parent think the child will "learn by example"? How to read and write perhaps, just by watching other people do it? How to use the loo? Again by watching others perhaps? I know this is how many animal species teach their young, but I've never heard of it being done to any great extent by humans...thought we'd kind of moved on to telling, directing and correcting?

YANBU we stopped inviting one girl...also 7....because she never said please and demanded chocolate all day.

pmsl at your reply Chandon - I have actually had that response before when DD was younger & I was helping out for a project at her Nursery - it made me giggle then too, though the boy did say please in the end - I hope he learnt it was a new magic word :)

belfast the class police on mn! this discussion was on a thread the other day. a bloke asked whether when he asked his wife something and she said 'WHAT!' back was it rude? Everyone came back saying 'pardon made their teeth itch and it was common'

I did point out that rude and posh and polite and common weren't mutually exclusive. But the general gist was that it was an aspirational class affectation.

Nah, I'm sorry or sorry is used everywhere
Even by the royal family of GB and NI

it was me who said it made me teeth itch.