to wish that people would stop (mis)diagnosing themselves?

[AKMD]

Why do so many people diagnose themselves or their children with illnesses that they do not have? For example:

"Oh, I have asthma" = you are unfit and so get out of breath easily when you do have to run for that bus.

"I am allergic to broccoli" = you just don't like broccoli.

"I have a migraine" = you might have a headache but if you had a migraine you would be at home in bed with the curtains drawn, unable to attend this party.

"DS has ADHD" = your DS is spoiled to death, you set him no boundaries and so he runs riot.

Inevitably, when sympathised with and asked when they were diagnosed the reply is "Oh, I haven't seen the doctor about it, I just know." They have no idea what life is like for people who actually do have these conditions and their laziness and exaggeration make it incredibly difficult for real sufferers to be believed or accommodated for. It makes me so cross - AIBU?

the fact remains though that there are some people who use ADHD and whatnot as an excuse for bad parenting, same as there are some who blame x y or z for their obesity when in fact if they just ate healthier/did more exercise, they wouldnt be fat (disclaimer: am fat but dont blame it on anything except myself)

'the fact remains though that there are some people who use ADHD and whatnot as an excuse for bad parenting'

How do you know this is a fact though?

And how can YOU tell the difference between bad parenting and ADHD.

Often the bad (I'd love to have a definition of this) are the LEAST able to jumpt through the hoops to GET a diagnosis even when their child DOES have ADHD.

I know several people who have self diagnosed themselves and their children as Dyspraxic. I am dyspraxic, as are two of my DCs. The diagnoses were fairly complex, involving lots of testing, and for the first diagnosis (DD1) expensive, since the NHS/Occupational health service had a long waiting list, so we went private. DD2 and myself were then diagnosed as part of a research project into, among other things, hereditary factors in Dyspraxia. so that was free. Still time consuming and stress though.

I understand that some self diagnoses are obvious. I knew I was dyspraxic ever since I became aware that 'what I'm like' was now actually 'a thing' (it wasn't, when I was at school). But the people I know who are self diagnosing are practically vanity-diagnosing. As if anyone would actually want to be dyspraxic if they really knew what it was like. Some days, life is a living nightmare (and other days it's fine, so, you know- in the great scale of things it's probably the least bad 'thing' to have but still, it's not easy). It doesn't really bother me for myself, but it very bothers me for my children because if people are going round saying their children are dyspraxic and in fact they are not, teachers (who often know little or nothing about the condition and are in some cases either unkind or downright unsafe (DT and PE teachers I'm looking at you here.....also anyone who is hung up on presentation or the importance of gluing/sticking in adult life (hint - it's not important at all unless you are a teacher))) will judge the truly dyspraxic by the standards of the vanity dyspraxic. And kids will get hurt or be demoralised. And it might be my kids who get hurt or are demoralised. So I'm really not impressed with people who self diagnose. If you think your kid has a problem get a proper diagnosis. Or stop deluding yourself.

The one that I've heard several times is "They're allergic to milk." Usually as a reason for stopping breastfeeding and moving onto (milk based) formula.
As far as I can tell it's quite fashionable for people to have a child with a self-diagnosed allergy. Waiting for my bil to announce that one. He likes to keep in fashion.

I agree with Whatmeworry.

I think these private allergy testers have a certain amount to answer for. I read an article on someone who tried 4 or 5 different ones and the only thing they all said he was allergic to was something like cod. They didn't pick out the thing he knew he was allergic to either, but gave him a list of about 8-12 things each.

We used to get quite a few parents pushing for tests for their children for ADD/ADHD and Aspergers in particular at the Nursery where I worked, sometimes we would be shocked as there had been no issues at all at Nursery.
That's not to say there wasn't any problems at home but as the Nursery had a resourced unit we were all used to working with children with various conditions/problems.

Re Food allergies there was one boy who had it written on his information form twice in capital letters he was allergic to ginger, then his parents sent in a Gingerbread train cake for snack on his birthday.
We were all a bit and phoned home to check if he could have some or not his Dad said "well he ate five Gingerbread men when he was one and was terribly sick, but he loves trains so we had to get him this cake"

I LOVE diagnosing myself with diseases - it's one of my hobbies.

In the last year alone I've had: a brain tumour, a stomach ulcer, Crohn's disease and carpel tunnel syndrome.

I'm saving the doctor a job.

I'm also into home surgery but that's another thread

My DM is terrible for this and usually decides that anything me or DB have a diagnosis for she has and that's where we've got it from. So she has Raynaud's syndrome, asthma, dyslexia, hayfever, lax ligaments and IBS all without a diagnosis.

To coin an expression from my Grandad, she's a classic Mr Topper i.e anything you have or have done she has to top it, so obviously her illnessess are much more severe than ours

^"the fact remains though that there are some people who use ADHD and whatnot as an excuse for bad parenting"

How do you know this is a fact though?^

Because often you can take one look at the mother and just know that she is going to claim that her DC has "ishoos".

its so lovely (and my dc does not have ADHD) but is Autistic has a dx and is at Special school but STILL get people moaning huffing and puffing and tutting as if hes just bloody naughty because he cant help stimming for instance these are often traits the dc cant help from doing and the same is often applicable to dcs with ADHD or PDD ect so how do YOU know if dx or not real or not or just plain naughty or not you dont know and should think yourself lucky you dont have to walk a mile in these damn shoes for if you did imagine when your a parent of two other well behaved managable NT children (now teens) andpeople question your parenting skills everywhere you go.

Notso, children with AS or HFASD can quite often keep it together for short periods like nursery or even a school day and the stress of doing this makes them much worse at home.

thats true too ellen my dc is not naughty everwhere we go all the time but he can occasionally have an outburst (not usually in public though) but has done, he holds it in as much as he can at SS all day so hes like a whirlwind when we come out hence i dont take him straight to a park or mcdonalds as i DO actually think of others contrary to public opinion

i also wonder what 'whatnot' is......

Sorry but that has made me cross.

I have a note on file with social services saying that I am greedy and will push for attention and resources for my child. The note also says that they don't believe he is disabled.

People's OPINION of me has lost us resources and my home, trying to keep my ds safe and happy.

Now for all you know social services are right. They ARE after all 'professionals'. To me, however, it just indicates the extent to which the ingorance has spread about children with 'hidden' disabilities and their lives.

I am lucky. I have surrounded myself with bright, articulate experts who rate what I am doing for my child and believe in his problems. In fact, experts have dropped their rates to work with such a switched on determined parent.

I was lucky to be switched-on enough to get a diagnosis for ds BEFORE he got old enough and too many agencies were involved which makes discovering causes of issues complicated.

It's only as ds grows that I realise quite how lucky I really was, when I come across other shredded families that have attempted to get some help/support and are blamed day after day, who have to take their children to assessment after assessment where their parenting is made a priority for assessment rather than their child. If there can by ANY issue identified with the parents, this is 'addressed' or rather NOT addressed first, becoming the 'primary' diagnosis and justification for witholding of resources or help for the child.

Even if the parent IS to blame, my blood boils that the children are left without support. If a parent suggests that their child has ADHD as the only explanation they can come up with for why their life is difficult than tbh I can't see how judgement and disbelief can help.

I rang up a dietician when I was pregnant as I was advised to do so as I'm lactose intollerant. No, I have never had a diagnosis from the Dr. Yes, I can eat cheese and yoghurt - but not anything with milk or milk powder in. The dietician shouted at me and told me that I was not lactose intollerant as I could eat yoghurt and cheese - I looked up on internnet and found that it is quite common to have a lactose intollerance that allows you to eat cheese and yoghurt because the lactose changes as part of the process to change the milk... So the dietician didn't even know the whole facts. I know I'm intollerant (please note, not 'allergic') because I can tell when something that I've eaten has had milk in as I get a specific cough - I sometimes don't notice and my husband will point it out - can be as little as half a scone that sets it off.

I get frustrated with my MiL who says she's allergic to all cows milk products - then goes to Pizza express and orders a normal pizza rather than the goats cheese one.

I do agree that the number of 'allergy testing' companies around is a problem - and very few are based on anything remotely scientific.

I hate this too. I have a truckload of potentially fatal allergies but due to all the self diagnosis crap people don't always take it seriously.

I also work in social care and you would be horrified at the amount of kids I work with who have been 'diagnosed' with ADHD/aspergers/autism when they have behavioural issues from trauma and poor parenting. Those rare cases where the young person does actually have ADHD oh my goodness! I admire any parent who is raising a child with these problems. They are way beyond my skill set.

Thats what I was trying to show Ellen that even as professionals with experience of working with children who had these conditions we could still be surprised when a parent told us of their concerns.

Reading back my post maybe didn't sound like that, possibly because of the ginger allergy thing.

Tbh never really heard anyone make these claims, possibly exaggerate headache/migraine, cold/flu but wouldnt say it bothers me as I probably dont give them much attention if think they bsing.
Although I have been known to say I think I am allergic to melon, as my mouth stings and I get lumps all over my mouth when I eat it. Although its not something I go round tellin people. Never been to docotors I find just not eating melon just as effective.
Regarding not having all these allergies when we were younger. When I was younger I was always quite ill with my stomach. I was under the hospital and several endoscopies under g.a and they tried different medications. A few years back I saw a different docotor as I was fed up of constantly feeling sick, looking 6 months pregnant and running to the loo several times a day with diarrhea. With just a simple blood test showed I was diary intolerant. After cutting out diary my symptoms went. It was not a live threateing intolerance but meant I had spent most of live feeling crap. If only allergies and intolerances were a bit more cool back then someone might of thought to test me rather than me missing lots of school having several g.a's as a young child which obviously has risks and tubes stuffed in me from both ends which is obviously not nice as a child. Btw I now find a can have small amounts of diary occassionally without too much trouble.
I think its a similar case with adhd, ok you might get odd parent that blames it but just because they were not cases back then doesnt mean it didnt exist. More likely they were very quick to wrongly label them as a naughtgy child

YABVU. The whole point of mn is to diagnose your partner/PILs with Aspergers/random personality disorder.

People like you are going to make people think they need to take responsibility for being an arse.

people love the 'my cats bigger than your cat' thing going on mistlet it makes them feel different special and important i think , yes there probably are people out there who lie about a dx of ADHD but like anything there are going to be liars there are going to be nay sayers. so what do you do ??? ignore the dcs who need help? or help and be compassionate there for the grace of god go I, and remember just because you cant SEE these disabilities doesnt mean they are not there a hundred years ago dcs in wheelchairs were put away in homes and ostracised from society it makes you feel like a lot of people out there would be quite happy today if we did the same then you wouldnt have to make 'allowances for our dcs' you could just shun them altogether and pretend they dont exist.

Sorry, notso I read that completely the other way around. It looked like you were saying that these children had no problems at nursery, and you knew what the problems looked like so the parents were trying to excuse their poor parenting skills.

Thanks for clarifying.

Let's just be clear on this as this has turned into an 'is ADHD real' thread - ADHD is a real medical condition that can make life absolute hell for both the sufferer and their family. Some people have a diagnosis and get the help they need. Other people are being assessed and pretty much everyone agrees it is now really hard to get a diagnosis so the assessment can take for ever. It is possible for a child to have ADHD and a parent not know it and think that the child is being naughty, in which case the child is unlikely to get a diagnosis until their behaviour is picked up on at school (or not). Some other ignorant, stupid people simply decide that their DC has ADHD, never seek help, never do anything about it but use it as an excuse for poor behaviour. IMO that is either abuse (not seeking medical help for treatment of a child in your care) if the child does have ADHD or completely unacceptable laziness if the child doesn't. It is because of people labelling their children without a moment's thought that parents of real sufferers of ADHD find it so hard to get a diagnosis.

Just like people saying their are 'allergic' to something that they just don't fancy that day. The next time you see them they are perfectly happy to eat cheese or whatever else it was they decided to be allergic to the other day. It means that people who really do have allergies or intolerances find cheese (or whatever) being sneaked into their food by people who think they are just being difficult. Again, ignorant, stupid people messing it up for real sufferers.

...Just like people who say that they suffer from migraines, despite the fact that they are cartwheeling across a dance floor at a noisy wedding disco and downing the shots like there's no tomorrow (not a situation I've seen but you get the picture!). So when a real migraine sufferer has their OH call in to their workplace for them to tell the boss that they have a migraine and won't be in for the next three days, the boss tells them to call back themselves, take a paracaetemol and get into work. Again, real sufferers not being believed because so many people class headaches as migraines.

...Just like girls who simply don't like running telling the PE teacher that they have asthma in an attempt to sit out the orienteering lesson. The PE teacher loses patience and tells everyone to get on with it, including the person who really will have a problem halfway round and need to have a 999 call and a nebuliser (yep, that was me. Steroids now mean that I am a fab cross-country runner :o). Did anyone see the news report last year on that poor boy who died at school because his teacher didn't take asthma seriously? Have a look here if you missed it. Lazy, selfish people making things up led to a boy dying.

Not quite what you are talking about, but I have self-diagnosed DD with a rare genetic syndrome based on the combination of health issues/physical features she has, because she's only five months and I know from talking to other parents online that she won't get the additional scans that will let doctors make a probable diagnosis until she's 9-12 months (although I can tell from the fact that they are planning to do these scans that medical staff are thinking along the same lines that I am), and then because there's no family history she will only get a firm diagnosis if they run genetic testing as well. I do make it clear on related online parents' groups that I have self-diagnosed at the moment, but no one seems to mind as (except for those with a family history) they generally had to do the same thing before they got their formal diagnosis.

What annoys me more is when you've SEEN the doctor, and you tell someone else who completely disregards what the doctor has said and comes up with their own diagnosis, based on their own experience.

Don't know about you, but I tend to favour the opinions of those who are medically trained over neurotic scare-mongerers.

Everyone always jumps in to defend those with ADHD. It's is VERY easy to spot the difference. When my brother was younger he was an absolute danger to himself and others, frequently running away from his SEN school, attacking family with knifes that he pulled out of kitchen drawers, spitting, swearing, physically attacking anyone that got in his way.

He was initially diagnosed with ADHD and treated with Ritalin and also had to see a psychiatrist (who after two sessions told my mum not to bother bringing him back as he couldn't cope with my brother's behaviour). He was then diagnosed with Conduct Disorder. Then back to ADHD. Then finally 'damned if we know, maybe some kind of epilepsy'.

The difference between him and the clearly undisciplined, naughty child that wants to throw their dinner at their little sister rather than eat it, but who's parents say 'has ADHD' is supremely annoying to someone who had to put up with the crap my brother dished out on a daily basis.

I hear that now, if parents allow their child to be put on Ritalin it automatically leads to a grant of DLA... explains why you see so many baby factories at the local parks screeching that 'our Chesney only bites because he's got ADHD!'. No madam, he's a little shit that needs a good bloody slap.

But often the parents DO know more than the GPs about the specific thing they are concerned about. They will have researched and read.

Most GPs have no idea about hidden disabilities. And Paediatricians are only experts in the disabilities they have chosen to study.

One of the problems is that it is so difficult to be taken seriously enough by a GP to get a referal, and when you do, it is likely to be to someone just as clueless, and then when you finally find someone with knowledge you get a diagnosis and a referal for a few things that are more about paying lip service to the parent than focussing on any tangible outcomes for the child.

My ds has ASD. If I were to do the whole thing again, I probably wouldn't have got a diagnosis. It has been more a hiderance to him than a benefit. I know people with children with ASD who have not gone down the diagnosis route but sometimes refer to their children as having ASD. Usually they homeschool and apply techniques appropriate for a child with ASD.

In short, not having a diagnosis, and not seeking a diagnosis, and even having a gp refuse a diagnosis, does not mean you HAVEN'T got a condition, especially in this climate.