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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go out to communal garden and leave baby in flat?

130 replies

curiouskitten · 02/08/2011 21:33

Name changed as I'm not sure if this will leave me in line for a flaming.

I live in a small block of flats. Communal garden at back. WIBU to go out into garden with baby monitor while baby is asleep in the evening? She is a good sleeper. Flat is very secure, fire alarms fitted.

Wondering what the general consensus is here? I will listen to mumsnet opinion.

OP posts:
Maryz · 03/08/2011 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChristinedePizan · 03/08/2011 14:06

When I was a baby, my nan forgot me outside the shop and went home on the bus without me. She eventually remembered, got another bus back and I was still there. My sister have always said this is because I was such an ugly baby Angry :o

LolaRennt · 03/08/2011 14:12

I wouldn't as you're on the second floor. NOt the same as popping in to your own garden and being able to pop in and keep an eye out

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/08/2011 14:12

Oblomov it seems that being able to calculate risk, is severly lacking in lots of peoples these days. You included, Eyebrows. You seem not to be able to do it in a rational manner

What?! That's rather harsh. Just because I wouldn't leave my child in a flat while I went down into the garden (the same as quite a lot of other people on here) doesn't mean I am not rational! I would just make the choice not to do that. Not sure why you are feeling the need to attack me!

Chandon · 03/08/2011 14:14

Like the Cat in the Hat book .

Have you noticed this???!!:

"Then Sally and I
Did not know what to say.
Our mother was out of the house
For the day"

The day?! the day?! Someone call SS.

petaluma · 03/08/2011 14:18

My next door neighbours bring their monitor over to ours sometimes (and we even go in the garden!) so they can have a meal with us. One of my work colleagues thinks this is terrible but thinks nothing of upping sticks to her PILs massive 10 bedroom house in the country and leaving her 22 month dd asleep in the house to have 'pre-prans' down at the stream and dinner in the arboretum!They can't even use a monitor as the walls are so thick in the house that there is barely a signal beyond the bedroom itself.

I just think she's jealous of my neighbour's 3 bed semi!

eurochick · 03/08/2011 14:32

What do the people advising against this envisage could happen that could not happen if the OP were in the flat (or indeed in another part of a house with a couple of stories)?

Someone on the thread mentioned a child falling out of bed. Well, that would have happened whether you were next door or in the next room. Someone else mentioned fires. You'd probably be more likely to notive the smoke from another flat outside than in the flat. I just don't understand the motivation behind the cautious approach being suggested by many on here.

Lovesicecream · 03/08/2011 14:33

Don't forget raccoons! I had a dream about them climbing through the window and stealing ds3

WilsonFrickett · 03/08/2011 17:58

Grin at prams outside shop. One of my friends is from a small town, and apparently one morning her DM had left her pram outside the local shop, as normal. Her DGPs came past on their morning stroll, saw the pram and baby and decided it would be really, really funny to walk away with it. Apparently they only got as far as the next block before they realised it really, really wasn't funny, but the story still gets told every Christmas and at least once on her birthday...

pootlebug · 03/08/2011 18:24

I'm pretty amazed by the amount of people who say they wouldn't do what the OP is suggesting because of the 'risk'. What other risks are you not prepared to let your children face? Presumably you'd always say no to bouncy castles and trampolines - people have been paralysed. I once read that a child fractured their skull on a see-saw so best avoid those too. A quick google informs me that a child died on a rope swing in their garden so steer clear. Please do be very careful how thick the layer of cotton wool you wrap them in is....too thin and they could still bruise, too thick and they could suffocate.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 03/08/2011 19:07
ChristinedePizan · 03/08/2011 19:10

She's right though - the level of risk based on actual risk factors is infinitesimal. If people think it's too dangerous, that's based on irrational fear

GwendolineMaryLacey · 03/08/2011 19:14

She's not right, she's taking a point and being stupid about it. Every single thing you do in life has a risk. And it's down to the individual to make an assessment on whether that risk is worth it. People have different influences and life experiences which lead them to make different judgements.

To make smart arsed judgements and give condescending warnings doesn't illustrate the point, it just makes her sound like a bit of a twat.

namechange100 · 03/08/2011 19:16

I wouldnt like other people knowing that my baby was unattended - as in outside/inside like you have said as someone may have less desirable intentions or some do gooder may report you even though the baby is safely asleep and well looked after.

It seems ok and it should be but for the slight chance I wouldnt

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/08/2011 19:39

GwendolineMaryLacey Grin

pootlebug · 03/08/2011 19:45

GwendolineMaryLacey - I'm not in any way claiming to have superior parenting knowledge. I am simply trying to illustrate that if you think it is a rational judgement not to leave your child in a locked flat whilst you sit in the garden outside lest someone break in and snatch them, then the same rational thought process should stop you putting your child in a car, or allowing them to use any of the playground equipment I mentioned, as these things are all statistically more likely to result in harm to your child.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/08/2011 19:52

That's bullshit pootlebug. So everyone who doesn't like leaving a baby unattended in a flat also doesn't let the babies or kids do ANYTHING! You have taken a rather stupid point and ran with it until it is beyond ridiculous.

ChristinedePizan · 03/08/2011 20:10

You don't seem to have a good grasp of what the word rational means wgme

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/08/2011 20:24

ChristinedePizan And you don't seem to have a good grasp of the idea that something you think is safe others may not. Believe it or not not everyone in the world shares the same opinions as you . . . shock horror!

Orangesarenottheonlyfruit · 03/08/2011 20:24

OP- I actually live in a town house on a hill. The kids sleep on five floors above the garden (much less grand than it sounds!) and I don't think twice about going into the garden for glorious evening sunshine. In fact, sod MN, I am off to smell the roses now.

Have a great time, evening gardening is the best.

ChristinedePizan · 03/08/2011 21:26

But that's not a rational fear. You may fear something happening, but it's very, very improbable. We all have irrational fears, it's perfectly normal, but that doesn't make them more rational.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 04/08/2011 10:01

What the hell are you talking about Christine! What a load of bullshit waffle!

ChristinedePizan · 04/08/2011 10:03

No, mentioning the McCanns is bullshit. I will leave you to your paranoia

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 04/08/2011 10:08

Christine I mentioned the McCanns because there appeared to be some similarities (which the OP has set straight about security), not because I was trying to panic anyone FFS.

I think what you are doing here is a defence mechanism. You would leave your child alone in a flat and feel defensive because so many other people have said they wouldn't. Perhaps you feel guilty or know deep down it's not the safest thing to do, who knows. So you call me paranoid and irrational.

ChristinedePizan · 04/08/2011 11:00

No, I'm really not defensive at all :) It's absolutely fine if you wouldn't do it - it's your child, your choice, and if it makes you uncomfortable, then that's valid.

I can't sleep if I know there's a spider in the room. That's not rational but it's still a real fear.