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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go out to communal garden and leave baby in flat?

130 replies

curiouskitten · 02/08/2011 21:33

Name changed as I'm not sure if this will leave me in line for a flaming.

I live in a small block of flats. Communal garden at back. WIBU to go out into garden with baby monitor while baby is asleep in the evening? She is a good sleeper. Flat is very secure, fire alarms fitted.

Wondering what the general consensus is here? I will listen to mumsnet opinion.

OP posts:
Sidge · 03/08/2011 10:13

I would.

No different really to having baby on the second floor of a townhouse and going into the garden.

Especially if you have a monitor.

DesperateHousewife21 · 03/08/2011 10:14

I live in a first floor flat with a communal garden and I personally wouldnt, not because of the safety risks (there are none really) just because I dont think I could relax wondering if ds (13 months) would wake up, Id then have to go through 2 doors and upstairs to settle him then go all the way back down again its not really worth the hassle.

Angel786 · 03/08/2011 10:15

I would not do this.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 03/08/2011 10:25

I wouldn't. But thats just me. I have a teeny house and I don't go and sit in my garden when the children are asleep. But thats mostly because there are spiders and creepy crawlies in my garden shudder

Allinabinbag · 03/08/2011 10:30

And, I wouldn't be worried about someone breaking in, if the flat is secure. I'd worry that it was too secure for me to quickly get in if, say, the baby was sick or something. After all, if it's fine to lock your front door (plus the communal door) and go round the back to the communal garden, why not pop into your neighbours, or go to the shops two doors down with the monitor. I have a kind of 'front door' rule about this stuff, if it's within the front door fine, if you have to lock your front door, you are going out, and it's not a good idea to leave a baby inside without you.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 03/08/2011 10:32

I wouldn't. I think a pp nailed it when she said that in your own house you have total control. In a block of flats there are other people to set fire to chip pans or even just get in your way if you had to make a run for it upstairs. The safety of your child is partly reliant on others and the same with hotels.

So no, not for me.

Original poster
curiouskitten · 03/08/2011 10:34

I'm surprised to come back to see so many replies!

When I say the flat is secure, I mean that there are 2 external reinforced doors to gain entry to the building. There is another reinforced door on the flat. The windows have restrictors, and even the balcony door is reinforced! As the block is very small we know our neighbours and there isn't any chance of anyone tailgaiting in. In addition from the garden I would be able to see/hear anyone coming in from the road. So very safe and a bit like Fort Knox! And no way like the McCanns FFS!

I will bear in mind the woodpecker/pelican risk as that seems like the most credible risk anyone has brought up....

OP posts:
OrangeHat · 03/08/2011 10:38

Grin enjoy your evenings curiouskitten

Oblomov · 03/08/2011 10:41

I think Orange's pointot NoEyebrows was very valid. Her transfering her paranoia onto others, making them worried, is not healthy.
Eyebrows , do you never leave your child alone ? What will you do when they go to school. What when they sleep ? Are you with them ? Can you see them every second of every day. Within eyesight.
I assume / hope you don't. becasue that this is not healthy.

dreamfeeder · 03/08/2011 11:23

curiouskitten, it is clearly subject that gets many riled up. Do it. Enjoy your garden. Your flat sounds secure. A baby safe in her cot crying for an extra 20 seconds while you open 2 doors is not a problem.

I will be looking into window catches to be able to leave my like-a-burglar-catflap window onto flat roof open for my DD Smile

emsies · 03/08/2011 11:34

I wouldn't but I'm not entirely sure I'm logical.

We used to live in a flat above a shop and I wouldn't go downstairs to get milk and leave her alone even though logically it was just the same as going downstairs in a house.... just felt wrong to actually leave the flat with her in it alone.

Mumwithadragontattoo · 03/08/2011 11:43

It sounds fine. Obviously a good idea to check smoke alarm is working but that is a sensible safety precaution anyway. With baby monitor I really can't see a problem.

The McCanns situation was very different from what you describe here. Besides which they were still very unlucky that their daughter was abducted (it is very rare).

In terms of risk pushing your pushchair across the road or travelling in a car is probably far riskier but we do these things as benefits outweigh risks.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/08/2011 11:56

No Oblomov. I think everyone has different things they worry about. For me it is someone abducting my children, my BIL is paranoid about children choking and my SIL it's kids getting their fingers trapped and chopped off in doors! Do you have nothing that you worry about?

I suppose my fear comes from things that happened to 2 of my school friends. One was abducted and raped and the other was followed home and murdered. Just around the corner to her house. Some years later a adult friend of mine was murdered as well taking a short cut through a busy park. I suppose if you have never experienced such crimes it may not occur to you. The "it happens to other people" thinking.

It's all about risk assessment isn't it. The OP says that her building is extremely secure so that changes a lot. But it does make me wonder why she posted asking in the first place. Why ask if you think there is no risk.

Maryz · 03/08/2011 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/08/2011 12:05

so I really, really hate the way someone always quotes the McCanns on these sorts of threads

I must admit that I hate it too even though I was the one who did it!!!!! I just felt that there was so huge similarities, although now that the OP has explained the security in her block of flats there is so much less.

Original poster
curiouskitten · 03/08/2011 12:05

Eyebrows that tragic, but I believe your experiences are thankfully far from the norm.

The reason I posted is I was wondering if there was a risk I was unaware of that somebody would point out. So far that hasn't happened.

OP posts:
Allinabinbag · 03/08/2011 12:09

The security of the flats is precisely why I wouldn't leave a baby inside and me on the outside, I would worry I would forget my keys/lock stick for three sets of doors.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/08/2011 12:09

curiouskitten you do what you feel comfortable with Smile

ChristinedePizan · 03/08/2011 12:10

No, what you have to do Orange is eat fast :o

A seagull swooped down the other week and nabbed DS's sandwich off the other end of the garden table because he had wandered off. He was most put out (particularly when I laughed).

Is there a term for invoking Madeline McCann on a thread like this a la Godwin's Law? There really should be

Oblomov · 03/08/2011 12:20

Eyebrows, there is a difference between worrying and irrationality. being a bit concerned, or considering the risks, and paranoia are totally different.
But maybe you are naturally extremely anxious. maybe you need to address this, so that you don't pass it on to your children.
No, I can't say I do worry about that many things.
And yes Milly Dowler lived close by to us, and my niece knows many of her friends. but I don't see how that is relevant.
You mentioned calculating risk. I agree with Maryz, it seems that being able to calculate risk, is severly lacking in lots of peoples these days. You included, Eyebrows. You seem not to be able to do it in a rational manner.
But you are not alone. In seems many Mn'ers and many people have this problem. It makes me so sad that so many people are over-anxious. And cross that they are so flippant in dismissing it as not important.
Anyone making their children as paranoid as they are, can never be a good thing, I don't think.

Original poster
curiouskitten · 03/08/2011 12:23

All in a bag - that is not a concern as my front door requires keys to lock it, therefore no risk of forgetting my keys inside the flat. And yes I will remember to lock the front door!

OP posts:
Oblomov · 03/08/2011 12:29

Has anyone got any decent stats on abduction ?
or any other harm that could Possibly come to OP's child.
Could you please post them, because maybe thta would help, to get this into perspective.

emmanumber3 · 03/08/2011 12:30

I would providing that I'd checked that my baby monitor had a suitable range on it (i.e. worked in the garden, 2 floors down) & that I had locked the front door(s) and taken my keys with me.

It is still your own garden - IMO it's safer than leaving your baby asleep & popping downstairs to see the neighbours (I know someone who used to do this regularly, saying it was just like going downstairs in your own home). The reason I'd find it safer is because, presumably, you can see your windows from the garden whereas you can't from inside another flat (before anyone asks Smile).

emmanumber3 · 03/08/2011 12:37

Also, it may not be that relevant here but this thread has just reminded me that when myself & my siblings were babies - 1960's & 1970's - it was common place to leave babies in prams outside shops etc. Partly because the prams then tended to be bigger & the shops less "pram friendly" & partly because, I suppose, it was what mums had been doing for years. I'm not saying we should still be doing that now or that there was no risk back then, just that maybe we do "over-worry" a bit too much nowadays!

emsies · 03/08/2011 14:00

I remember my mum saying that was the case emmanumber3! It's amazing isn't it to think that was normal. You also see it in old story books or pictures.

I think it must have been a much healthier way to live!

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