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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

well it's really Am I Being Naive?

59 replies

allsmeggedup · 02/08/2011 21:20

So a male colleague has been coming on to me for months. Today we had a conversation where I told him (again) "Not interested, stop making suggestions, show some respect to your wife and my DP" and he basically called me naive for thinking people are actually faithful! He said that 'everyone' has a little fun and if I think my DP (who works away Mon-Fri) doesn't then I'm wrong. He said he has, his wife has and all of our colleagues have 'messed around' on nights out but people hide it from me cause I'm such a prude.
Yes he's a prick - that's not up for debate. And yes his behaviour is reprehensible - again not up for debate.

What I want to know is ... Is everyone else really doing the dirty on their OH's? I totally trust my OH - but this dickwad has really made me question my blind faith in my own and everyone else's relationships.
Am I stupidly naive (don't know where those wee dots are to make it properly ni-eeve)?
(And yes I know it's just a ploy - everyone else does it so you should do it with me. But I wonder just how widespread 'messing around' is)

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 02/08/2011 21:22

You're not naive.

He is a prick.

sloggies · 02/08/2011 21:22

No, we're not all at it. YANBN.

molepom · 02/08/2011 21:23

Dunno and dont care, I just pride myself on the fact that I WONT do that shit. What anyone else thinks is irrelevant.

Seabright · 02/08/2011 21:23

It's him, not you. Yes, some people have affairs and some people have open marriages. But not everyone.

He's just saying it to try & get in your knickers.

FeelingaBitSick · 02/08/2011 21:23

Well, in 10 years I've never cheated. Not hard really.

SlackSally · 02/08/2011 21:25

I think perhaps more people than a lot would think, but definitely not everyone.

My non-scientific survey of friends (in my head, from what I know) would suggest maybe about half, depending on how you define cheating.

BertieBotts · 02/08/2011 21:25

He sounds like a teenager! "Everyone else is doing it!" Ridiculous. Does he know everybody in the world?

molepom · 02/08/2011 21:25

Next time he tried this just a short and sharp "Fuck off, Cunt" should do the trick.

LovetheHarp · 02/08/2011 21:26

Of course you are not being naive.

I have been married 7 years and haven't done any messing around at all. Nor has my DH. Or any of my friends.

I know a couple of people who have and it has caused huge heartache to their other halves - I would never do that to my own family.

molepom · 02/08/2011 21:26

"tried not tried"

BlingLoving · 02/08/2011 21:26

He is a dick.

I would argue that most people are faithful.

molepom · 02/08/2011 21:27

TRIES!!!

Thats it, I'm going to bed.

Nagini · 02/08/2011 21:27

I'm not doing it.

MrsBaggins · 02/08/2011 21:28

Nope 27 years faithful here .
what a knob !

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 02/08/2011 21:28

You are not being naive. He is a disrespectful twat.

HeidiKat · 02/08/2011 21:29

The guy is a prize cunt and if he is making advances towards you at work report him for sexual harrassment and get him sacked.

susiedaisy · 02/08/2011 21:29

No he us a prick who is trying to undermine you in an attempt to justify his behaviour!

ballstoit · 02/08/2011 21:29

I've never cheated.

But my ex-H tried the same line as your colleague when I caught him with his pants down...they are both pricks with any luck their penises will become gangrenous andhave to be amputated

MumblingRagDoll · 02/08/2011 21:30

God if someone said that to me I woud lamp him. What a twot.

Mrsxstitch · 02/08/2011 21:32

He is just a prick. I am another who has never cheated.

You have tried to get him to leave you alone, I think its time to report him.

MirandaGoshawk · 02/08/2011 21:32

No, he is wrong. I don't believe most people are unfaithful. Some are, but a minority.

AgentZigzag · 02/08/2011 21:33

I agree with Mumbling, he's a twot Grin

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 02/08/2011 21:33

OMG do you work where I work?! I'm single and I've had one of the blokes at my work (married with kids) proposition me on several occasions. When I point out he's married he says that I'm 'no fun'. I know that people do mess about though, often on nights out. Another man I work with (also MWK) had a fling with one of the women, and yet another bloke (with a long term gf) tried it on with the same woman. My ex also cheated on me with numerous slags women, which is why I won't do that to someone else. I've also never cheated on a partner. I'm not naive but I believe in fidelity and hope believe that there are also men out there who feel the same.

BertieBotts · 02/08/2011 21:34

I imagine people who cheat tend to assume everyone is like them because the people that respond to their advances are. And also I think as humans we have the tendency to assume most people will act by our own moral code by default.

It's the same reason though that a partner who is paranoid about you cheating is probably cheating themselves, because they're doing it so they expect you will be too.

puzzlesum · 02/08/2011 21:36

I think your mistake (if any) may have been not making it obvious you wouldn't fancy this guy even if you were both free and single. You've been polite and pointed out how disrespectful it is to your partners, he's heard "Of course I could not resist you were it not for my belief in the idea of fidelity". Ergo if he can convince you everyone's at it, it's game on.

I agree with SlackSally. I think it's probably more common than most of us would imagine but it is not universal. And even if everyone in the entire world was cheating, it doesn't mean you have to with him. I think you need to stop engaging with him entirely on this question - simply shut him up or walk away if he raises the subject again.

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