well it's really Am I Being Naive?

[allsmeggedup]

So a male colleague has been coming on to me for months. Today we had a conversation where I told him (again) "Not interested, stop making suggestions, show some respect to your wife and my DP" and he basically called me naive for thinking people are actually faithful! He said that 'everyone' has a little fun and if I think my DP (who works away Mon-Fri) doesn't then I'm wrong. He said he has, his wife has and all of our colleagues have 'messed around' on nights out but people hide it from me cause I'm such a prude.
Yes he's a prick - that's not up for debate. And yes his behaviour is reprehensible - again not up for debate.
What I want to know is ... Is everyone else really doing the dirty on their OH's? I totally trust my OH - but this dickwad has really made me question my blind faith in my own and everyone else's relationships.
Am I stupidly naive (don't know where those wee dots are to make it properly ni-eeve)?
(And yes I know it's just a ploy - everyone else does it so you should do it with me. But I wonder just how widespread 'messing around' is)

[BalloonSlayer]

"called me a frigid old no fun-er."

Sounds like an interesting way of handing in his resignation!

Seriously,

[sunnydelight]

Definitely a written warning - what a wanker. Sticking to your wedding vows/whatever commitment you have made to your partner makes you a decent human being, not naive.

[caramelwaffle]

I have never cheated on any partner, and never would do.

This is Sexual Harassment - takes notes and report him.

[macdoodle]

Are you serious
If ANY of my employees spoke to me in that manner, they would be fired immediately. Thats gross misconduct IMO.
Jeez stand up for yourself woman!

[NorfolkBroad]

I agree totally with Bertie Botts. My dp and I have never cheated on each other or any of our ex partners but we know people who have done so many times and i have to admit it erodes my respect for them in a big way. I have lost a couple of friends because I have refused to collude in their infidelities by providing excuses etc. Your colleague is being vile, take no notice of him.

[Twinkiesmum]

You're his boss! Give him a written warning, copied to your HR Department. He'll think twice before continuing unless he's really dim.
And stand up for yourself in future! You sound far too soft.

[Whatmeworry]

It's a power play from him, not attraction. You need to tell him its inappropriate and unwanted, full stop. How you tell him depends on the relationhip you have.

Besides, why look at him when you could be shagging your boss's boss for promotion :o

[EvenLessNarkyPuffin]

I object to sharing pens with most of the people I work with ...

[Vicky2011]

He called his boss frigid because she wouldn't sleep with him?? Lordy - Not only a twat but an amoeba-brain too.

I really think you should tell him in no uncertain terms that he has crossed a line and that if he ever harasses you again you will make an official complaint.

[piprabbit]

1. he only said it to try and hurt you for daring to reject him.
   
2. sounds like sexual harassment to me.
   
3. most people I know are faithful - and have all been genuinely shocked when they come across somebody who has been unfaithful to a long term partner.

[GrendelsMum]

It's a power play, isn't it? It's his nasty little way of putting you down - you're not his manager, you're a woman he can target for sex, much like a prostitute.

I think you should take this over to the Employment board to get some HR input on this. Really, if any of the male colleagues I go away with ever talked to me like this, I would be on the phone to HR straight away. Except that, as I say, they say things like 'aah, nice to have some sleep'.

[hairfullofsnakes]

He sounds like a real catch... NOT

What a fucking twat!

[Al0uiseG]

Isn't it sexual harassment? Can't you sack him or give him a warning or a yellow card or whatever you have to do these days before you can sack the twat him.

[Happylander]

Just read your last comment and he is harrassing you and you should report him to HR although this may not make you popular. Or you could get a witness in and tell him that if he doesn't stop making sexual suggestions to you that you will report him. He is clearly jealous.

[Happylander]

God no. Don't have the energy or inclination and the idea of having sex with someone other than my lovely DH is really quite repulsive. I wouldn't risk losing him for some cheap shag. Mine doesn't live me with Mon-Fri either and I really don't think he is at it because he would lose me. The guy is a total prick!

[allsmeggedup]

Thank you.
And thank you.
Shall I make it a little more worser?
I'm his manager!
I know I sound like a right wet blanket twat but...
He is soooo popular. Everyone loves this man.
I have worked with him - and liked him - for 10 years.
He is schmarmy-charmy and to begin with yeah I did respond probably a bit too gigglyly to his flirts. He is 'funny' flirty/inappropriate with everyone.
Then I moved up through the ranks from his equal colleague to his manager. I think I pissed him off months ago by saying Stop being flirty wih me - I don't appreciate it and you need to be more respectful to me. So he upped the ante with lots of little quiet comments. Today he was talking - seriously - about local hotels where he could get a room for an afternoon.
I have spoke to lots of other staff and thay all find him funny, not offensive, bit try-to-shock ish.
I don't know how many others he has won over with his schmarm - I dread to think.

[CatFlaps]

Effin idiot! You are NOT being naive!

[Vicky2011]

Hmmm, being verbally abused because you wouldn't sleep with a colleague. Think HR might be interested to know about that OP.

[BertieBotts]

"Frigid" is a fucking awful word as well.

[Whatmeworry]

I think most studies I have read say between 1/3rd and 1/2 of people will cheat at some point in a relationship, but they are not all at it all of the time so at any one point it's far smaller.

[Bunbaker]

"Is everyone else really doing the dirty on their OH's?"

No. Over 30 years here and no-one else. It's not difficult if you are with the right partner.

[TandB]

Over 10 years with DP and no cheating here!

Your colleague clearly has no success with his looks and charm so has to resort to put-downs and whining.

[puzzlesum]

My Christ. Do men still really try that line of "you must be frigid if you won't sleep with me"? How very 1970s of them, because obviously having taste and being frigid are exactly the same thing . I'm amazed you managed not to laugh, allsmeggedup. That said, I find the idea of one colleague telling another they are frigid and no fun pretty stomach-churning

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

I don't think you are being naive, I think he is a sleaze.

Glad to see so many people on here going against his supposition that everyone is at it. It's the same mentality that says "well, everyone else nicks from office supplies," or "everyone else rips off their insurance company"- a really nasty amoralistic attitude that seems to be creeping into some of society today, and which I find abhorrent. What a sad creepy little man.