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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

The OFFICIAL buddy bench/naughty bench thread No. 6

999 replies

Teaandcakeplease · 02/08/2011 21:09

Come hither all those who haven't found their place on mumsnet, have scrapped in Aibu or crossed words in chat. The buddy bench shalt not judge.

The buddy bench will hand out wine and cakes, it will join you on your scoffathons getting pissed

All those who sit on the bench, will have their sins erased and be given a warm welcome and cheerful chat from CheerfulYank, gomummy, tiredmum, Elmo, valiumredhead and far, far too many more to mention.

Welcome to the buddy bench, we look forward to meeting you all

Oh and don't forget, last one to leave polishes bench and locks up!

OP posts:

CheerfulYank · 08/10/2011 02:09

Yes, her mom is very blase about the whole thing, "oh she'll get it, I want to keep her with the other kids" and then she texts me in shock saying "Why does she have so much homework? Is she expected to do the same work as the other kids?" You can't have it both ways; either she's in third grade or she's not, and if she is then I've got to drag her through come hell or high water.

In addition my student has an older brother (well more than one, it's a blended family that has 8 kids total) that is also on the autistic spectrum but it very, very bright. And he does extremely well academically, so I think the mom thinks that one day something's just going to click and the little girl will "get it."

elmofan · 08/10/2011 10:37

Oh Cheerful what a horribly frustrating situation . Your post shows what a lovely, kind hearted person you are to be so upset on this child's behalf xx
It sounds like you are banging your head against a blank wall though if her parents are not interested about her school work and seem to care more about her keeping in with her peers .
Can i just say - please be careful lovely . As I'm sure i mentioned before i used to be a Montessori teacher many years ago now but i left my career after becoming very worried about a child in my care . I can not go into details on here as this case became a police matter for the family of my pupil . So i know how upsetting this can be . {hugs}
Not the same situation as you i know but it really upset me to know of a child needing help and nobody listened to my worries .

Ds is loving his new school Making lots of new friends .

DD is much better thanks gomummy . The new meds seem to be really helping thankfully she will still be on the antibiotics for another week so the real test has yet to come when she is finished them .

Have you started all your cooking yet gomummy ?

DEADTiredmumno1 · 08/10/2011 12:16

still germed up grrr its getting on my nerves now

Cheerful did anyone ever tell you how wonderful you are we are actually going through a similar situation, when ds started this school they held him back a year (remember this was only at the start of this year we moved him) however when they went back in sept they put him back in his proper year group, which we were dubious about, but hoped the school knew what they were doing, so it seems they want him to move schools next sept up to middle school, we dont feel he is ready, and dont expect they will listen.

So it looks like we will be considering the sn school, we just dont think he will handle it, he only has one good friend who he made when he was held back, but she is still in her own year group, and ds2 they play together at lunchtimes, he gets upset on regular basis regarding the lack of friends, but he is at an age where some of the other kids can be mean, i feel so bad for him, its something i worry about constantly we will talk to the school again but dont have very high hopes tbh.

Elmo i am happy to see things are looking up for you

Yummy gomummys food i can smell it from here

valiumredhead · 08/10/2011 13:30

Oh yanky how frustrating!

I didn't think they held kids back in the UK? I thought they just all went up together shows how long I haven't worked in schools for!

Glad the new meds are working elmo :)

gomummygo · 08/10/2011 15:57

Morning all! :) Yes, I am cooking up a storm here! I always have fridge challenges at times like these, there is never enough room as you are getting things prepared. I have a much bigger fridge than I used to, yet still somehow it doesn't fit? Argh. Normally, at this time of year I am able to just put things into the (unheated) mudroom, and it's about the same temp as the fridge....but it is crazy warm here today, and supposed to stay that way all weekend. Very, very odd. At least I can hang the laundry out though!

Glad to hear DD is improving, Elmo. Hopefully this will be the last of it for a good long while. Absolutely great news that DS is loving his new school!

That must be hard, Tiredmum, especially when he is upset about it. :( Do you think the SN school would be a positive change for him?

It is like that here now too, they want to keep children with their "peer group." I disagree with them saying it's keeping with the peer group actually. It's just keeping with their age group, which is really of very limited value when the poor child clearly needs to be a year behind (or ahead, as the case may be) in the best interest of their development.

It really is unfortunate that her mother takes that approach, Cheerful, must make it even more frustrating for you. Especially as the gap is only going to get wider after 3rd grade. :(

valiumredhead · 08/10/2011 16:05

Pumpkin pies? Mmmmmmmm...

gomummygo · 08/10/2011 16:11

Yup, one regular, one sinful, and one diabetic.

valiumredhead · 08/10/2011 17:07

I am making chicken curry!

CheerfulYank · 08/10/2011 17:48

There are a few kids who are even further behind but it wouldn't do them any good to be held back, and some kids who are far behind but don't have problems socially, and they are doing all right.

In a lot of cases I think holding them with their age group is a good idea, but in this case it is obvious that it would be the best thing for her. Or would have been. GRRR!

What is the SN school like Tiredmum ?

MMmmmMmmmm! Pie! :)

DEADTiredmumno1 · 08/10/2011 18:04

Gomummy/cheerful i am not sure if it will benefit him more or not, this is why its such a hard decision, the sn school is nice it has its own little farm and they work with the kids and grow their own veg and the classes are so much smaller roughly 6 to a class and only ten mins walk away, its just going to entail a lot of thinking, i am terrified at thought of bullying if kept in mainstream.

Valium the school held him back at their discretion, so they must be allowed to

CheerfulYank · 08/10/2011 19:43

That does sound lovely though...small classes and a farm!

IdjustassoonkissaWookiee · 08/10/2011 20:10

Ahh GoMummy I'm salivating at all this talk of your food and am very very

Did you see the facebook link?

Tiredmum bless you, you sound like such a lovely mum. No wise words here, mine are still little. Pretty clueless about schools. btw I hear your old school was bought by The Grove Hotel. Hence the building work. Not sure what their plan is

CheerfulYank · 08/10/2011 21:23

Hi Wookie , how are you today? :)

Elmo I didn't know you taught Montessori! How interesting! Sorry to hear about your pupil though. :( It is so hard.

Nobody told me there would be all these decisions to make wrt schools! DS could possibly go to kindergarten next year but he would be very young and I may hold him back. But if he's ready to go...ARGH! I feel no matter what I do I will second guess myself.

elmofan · 08/10/2011 21:29

I think we all second guess ourselves cheerful i know i do all of the time .

I am sitting down for the first time today and having if anyone fancies a glass ?
Tiredmum a friend of mine has just moved her ds out of mainstream school and got him into an SN school , there's only 7 children in her ds's class and he gets 1-1 time with a sn teacher everyday . She swears it's the best thing she has ever done .

gomummygo · 08/10/2011 23:19

Cheerful, my DS would also go full time next year (Kindergarten here is 5 full days at age 4 now, no more part time options) if I send him into the school system, and I'm second guessing already, LOL! Looking at him right now, I think he will be way too young, but I know a lot can change in this next year. I'm still seriously considering homeschooling either way though, as well as some other options.

Tiredmum that does sound nice, especially the small class sizes. Must be such a hard decision for you to make though. So sorry to hear that you are worried about bullying, do you think it's going down that road?

Can you keep a glass of for me for later Elmo? I think I shall need it!

No Wookie, haven't been on, I shall head off now to see link! :)

How was the curry Valium? Do you do spicy?

CheerfulYank · 09/10/2011 04:06

DS's birthday is mid-July, and most people here are waiting with summer birthdays and sending their DC when they're 6. It's also an all day every day program...there's the option to do half days or all day every other day, but almost no one does that so I think he'd miss things.

I change my mind almost daily! On one hand I think he'll be ready to go academically, and all of his friends have fall or winter birthdays and will go next year.

But then I think there's no harm in waiting, and he could really excel if he went the next year, and five seems little to me to be in a class 8-3. Especially as I work there and know the pressure on them to do well and get ready for the tests in third grade. :(

Oh well, I've got the whole year to think about it! :)

gomummygo · 09/10/2011 17:38

Happy Thanksgiving all!!! :)

The option used to be here too; half days or staggered days, until the year they were 5. Now it's full time (8-3/9-4 plus a long bus ride for many) at 4 or not at all, and has been very divisive - lots of strong emotions about it on either side. Many people are calling it "government funded child care" rather than junior kindergarten.

I too think DS would be fine academically, but that seems like such a long day and I just think he would be absolutely exhausted! I would like to wait until 5, but as you say, there's a whole year ahead to think about it, and I go back and forth each time I do! SO hard to know.

They do the standardized testing here too, though in different years I think? (3-6-9). PM me if you ever want to rant about that!

gomummygo · 09/10/2011 17:59

Ok I thought I could restrain myself but I can't! Can I do it here too, please, please, please?

Dearest Buddy Benchers...what are you all thankful for today?

CheerfulYank · 09/10/2011 21:31

I am thankful for DH's family. We went there for a church breakfast today and everyone went except for one BIL. I love my SILs. :)

valiumredhead · 10/10/2011 14:35

Afternoon! :)

tired that small school sounds fab and you are SO lucky to have it within walking distance - I think the farm alone would swing it for me!

go not hot just tasty and it was yummy thank you!

Happy Thanksgiving to those that are celebrating! x

DEADTiredmumno1 · 10/10/2011 20:17

Wookiee i know, i heard recently that the grove purchased the school, i am sure we will find out in the near future the plans.

Thanks for telling me about your friend elmo its good to hear a nice successful story.

Gomummy i just know that some kids in his class can be a bit spiteful, so i just panick, maybe i over worry

Cheerful i bet its hard doing what you do trying to make the right decisions must be hard. Valium it is a lovely school, i just worry he wont settle in, you see i cant help but over analyse everything.

As valium says happy thanksgiving to all who celebrate.

I am thankful for my family, and all the things we take for granted

DEADTiredmumno1 · 10/10/2011 20:19

Panick i meant panic

IdjustassoonkissaWookiee · 11/10/2011 10:20

I am thankful for 2 amazing children and some awesome friends at my church who I can call on anytime and you lot!

CheerfulYank · 11/10/2011 15:08

I am thankful for coffee. I know not what my life would be without it....

elmofan · 11/10/2011 15:18

I am thankful for my family and friends both in RL & on the bench x
and for the 4.5 hours of peace i get in the mornings while the dc's are in school

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