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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it UR to put money before friendship?

48 replies

misty0 · 02/08/2011 19:50

This is on behalf of my OH who knows i sit next to him on the sofa reading the AIUB's every evening. He's asked me to ask you all this ..... warning: its rambling and about the building trade Grin

Background: OH is an experienced and efficient builder (part self employed) who untill April worked for company L, under a manager named Z. OH hated Z, and fell out with him loads of times. OH was highly valued by Z and was the only one on site who Z trod on eggshells with. Z had alot of clout and hired and fired at will. Having worked on that site for a long while OH became very pally with the other builders (those who Z didnt fire after the first week), pariculally Y, who is an older man and a slower bicklayer but is a genuinely nice guy and is good with organisation/paper work ect.

Y eventually got fired by Z and burned his bridges. Shortly afterwards OH decided he'd had enough of Z and left company L in search of less stress and better money (on good terms with Z tho'. Didnt want to burn his bridges ect.)

OH and Y kept in touch, got together, found a labourer and a young brickie to join them, made up a gang and have been working together since April as a team. They are about to finish their first project together (not without its stresses) and have a new one to start on Thursday. They are friends and although going it alone is stressful they get along well.

They heard recently through the grapevine that Z has been promoted to even greater heights within company L. More clout, the power to decide on wages ect.

Now ...... the point. This evening OH has had a call from Z. Z has made him a really good job offer (back with company L) with a raise of 50% on what he was earning with them before, and what he's currently earning going it alone with Y and the gang. Plus other perks. He knows he would be looked after by Z and could be in line for a promotion back there. OH would not have to see Z every day like before if he went back, as Z is now mainly office based. So less stress, more money. Steady income.

The thing is we know that things would be almost impossible for Y if OH left. It would cost the gang the project they have just secured, and possibly any projects in the near future. Y is struggling financialy but so are we. He feels bad at leaving Y in the lurch - there's no way Z would employ Y again. That was made clear. We need the money. But OH needs to be able to sleep at night. I dont know what to say tbh.

WWYD?

Thank you for ploughing through this.

OP posts:
TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 02/08/2011 19:53

Can't he discuss with Z starting the job on X date (when this project finishes), that way he gets a secure job and Y gets plenty of notice to find someone else to work with?

ajandjjmum · 02/08/2011 19:55

I think it's time for a pros and cons list. Tough decision.

scurryfunge · 02/08/2011 19:56

Can he continue part time with Y until the project is finished and accept the business with Z? There must be capacity to do both for a short while at least.

fluffles · 02/08/2011 19:57

like TheMagnificent, i think your DH needs to complete the project he's about to start with Y.
however, no reason he can't arrange with Z to start on a future date, and give notice to Y, if that really is the best option for him and his future and his family.

spiderpig8 · 02/08/2011 19:57

Where are you? Things are very slow in the building trade round here especially for brickies. I think Y and gang would have no trouble finding another brickie. BUT your OH really trust Z he sounds like an arse hole!!

Kayano · 02/08/2011 19:58

Finish commitments already secure with y and gang

If z values DH, surely he can wait a bit. If he was at another company he would have notice period anyway

DH should be upfront with the others though and make it clear the just secured job will be his last. Gives Y a chance to deal with it and find replacement etc

DH should take job though imo

FabbyChic · 02/08/2011 19:58

I'd see if he could complete the new project then start back at the old company.

Whilst money is important, integrity and doing the right thing is also just as important. You manage don't you? It isn't all about money.

Original poster
misty0 · 02/08/2011 20:00

Thank you.

Magnificent - he's nodding and chin rubbing at that. Good thought. The thing is the next project could take a couple of months. If Z wont hold his offer open for that long OH has to decide.

aj - very tough.

scurry - i said that too. But OH says no. All or nothing sadly.

OP posts:
LemonDifficult · 02/08/2011 20:02

Why didn't your OH like Z in the first place?

squeakytoy · 02/08/2011 20:07

If they value him enough, they will wait until he is ready. I would do the decent thing and complete the work that he has agreed to do with Y first.

Original poster
misty0 · 02/08/2011 20:08

Ok,

Right, yes, Z is a prat! However he is loyal to those he values. OH feels he would be secure there. We're in Northamptonshire. We've had 2 years of hellishly bad wages. OH has been lucky to have work. Which is why he stuck with Z. Things are slowly improving now.

Yes, he says he is going to talk to Y when he gets to work tomorrow. He needs a clear plan though. We do get by. But only just.

OP posts:
Polarmonkey · 02/08/2011 20:09

The thing about managers like Z is they are ruthless. Who's to say that he won't wake one morning and decide that actually your OH is superfluous. OH is building a business with people he thrusts as well as likes. Margins will improve with experience, and then so will your income. The longterm earning potential from having your own business is much higher than being someone's wage slave.

LemonDifficult · 02/08/2011 20:13

If there's a chance Z will shaft your OH then he shouldn't go back.

Whatever happens, he should talk to Y and come clean completely. Your OH will always feel shit about leaving Y if he leaves in the middle of a project, but if he gives Y fair warning then it seems OK. Y did burn his bridges there after all.

But, if your OH's gut instinct is that he's not doing the right thing, then he's proabably not doing the right thing.

Original poster
misty0 · 02/08/2011 20:14

Z was a total bstard to work for, lemon*. Wouldnt allow just any radio stations to be played on site (only Heart FM!!!) (hope im not outing him here) Bullying young and old. Picking on those not in Z's private fan club. Didnt allow the blokes to talk to each other, FFS. These are grown men. He had them over a barell so to speak becasue of the lack of work out there.

Yes squeaky im inclined to think that too. OH says he wont leave Y in the lurch till after this next project if he's going back to Z. He still feels badly about it.

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 02/08/2011 20:17

Could someone be foundto replace your dh and help y out on the project?

upahill · 02/08/2011 20:18

OH has his reputation to think about.
He musn't leave Y in the lurch.

Z could change his tune at any point and your OH will have burned bridges and builders talk amongst themselves about who is steady.

fivegomadindorset · 02/08/2011 20:19

I would be concerned about working for Z, the fact that your DH is finishing a project and going straight on to another and finances are getting better makes me think stick with Y.

Original poster
misty0 · 02/08/2011 20:21

Polar - i completely agree. Thank you for that. Its a brave decision to make, though y'know? Short term gain is very attractive when you've mouths to feed. Smile We both reading your replies nodding and going "yeah" good point, to everything!

lemon - yes, youre right too. OH is saying Z wouldnt shaft him. Its just about Y really. Poor bloke. He's a terrible worrier. Heart attack waiting to happen some days. Gawd.

OP posts:
NoMoreWasabi · 02/08/2011 20:22

Your OH is in danger of putting money before professionalism. If he has committed to a job he should see it through.

AuntiePickleBottom · 02/08/2011 20:23

to me your OH and Y seem to have started a little business,

if he hires and fires people so easily, who is to say he wont strart messing around with your husband wages.

Lilyloo · 02/08/2011 20:28

I think he may be better sticking it out with y , z sounds like a flash in the pan kind of guy and could as easily fall out with someone as take them on. Sounds like he is making a go of things with y may be worth sticking around and building on that.
It's always ok when the bully is on your side but tables can turn as quickly with fickle people.

Original poster
misty0 · 02/08/2011 20:30

OH and Y have been trying to get another particular really good bricky on board actualy. He's gone AWOL at the mo tho Hmm Y doesnt like having strangers join the gang. Narrows it down ALOT.

uphil - yes absolutely. OH is a big softie tbh. He has been known to spend a day on private weekend work for OAPs and only charge for a couple of hours. He has taken the day over it as they kept wanting him to stop and chat!

Sorry if it seems i keep blocking your ideas. I think the up and down of it is he must give Y plenty of notice. Just need to decide if the gang is getting somewhere as they are. Y is very slow. Tricky, very tricky. The money is being waved at us because of the speed and accuracy of OHs work.

OP posts:
Original poster
misty0 · 02/08/2011 20:35

You have something there auntie. That could well happen. Company L are buggers for pleading poverty suddenly. They're a household name and are HUGE. Most of the profits go higher up the chain than the actual builders though.

OP posts:
bubblesincoffee · 02/08/2011 20:37

If Y is a heart attact waiting to happen, is he likely to think about retireing within the next couple of years?

Original poster
misty0 · 02/08/2011 20:39

He's 55, bubbles. I know what your saying. i think not though.

OP posts: