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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

playground confrontation - am i totally wrong or just a bit?

120 replies

IAmTheCookieMonster · 02/08/2011 16:24

I'ver just got back from the playground with my 15 month ds and am actually in tears over an incident that occurred. I hold my hands up to the fact that I didn't handle it very well but I want to know if I was totally in the wrong or not.

My ds was playing on a wooden grasshopper, which was totally suitable for his age. I was sitting on a nearby dragonfly watching him. He then wandered over to the big slide and was standing on the bottom, I was aware of what he was doing and the slide was empty.

A boy (i'd say between 8 and 10) went to the top of the slide so I went to get ds off the bottom, but he started sliding. I ran up to the slide (probably screaming because i was in a blind panic) "my baby, you stupid boy you don't go down a slide when there is a baby at the bottom". his mum then came over from the other side of the playground and had a go at me saying that I should have ds under control and that it wasn't her son's fault. I said that you shouldn't go down a slide unless it is clear. Anyway, I went and apologised to her son - I said that I was sorry I upset him, I was in a panic and that I was wrong.

Maybe I should have been helicoptering ds, but I went to get him down as soon as the boy wanted the slide. When I was a kid it was drummed into me that you wait for the slide to be clear before you go down. I definitely shouldn't have called him a stupid boy, I know that.

OP posts:

GwendolineMaryLacey · 02/08/2011 17:09

YANBU. The boy was 8 years not 8 months and should have had more sense. My 3.6.yo knows to make sure the slide is clear first. It's one of the first things you teach them about playgrounds, along with not walking in front of a swinging swing.

Yes you gave him a fright and it wasn't the wisest thing to say but it won't kill him. He'll think next time.

pictish · 02/08/2011 17:09

Sorry OP - you're getting it tight on here today, but let this be a lesson to you.....all the other parents are just as in love with their kids as you are with yours.

Just wait till your lad is 8.

grovel · 02/08/2011 17:11

I would have killed the 8 year old.
And then apologised to the mother.

fastweb · 02/08/2011 17:11

If a kid managed to approach the slide, climb the stairs, sit to slide and set off BEFORE you were able to react and say "hang on love, I'll just move my little one" then you were probably not near enough or aware enough of what was going on around you.

With little ones best to drum into them from the start that bottoms of slides and in front\behind of swings are not great places to stand. Make that a rule regardless of the equipment being in use or not and there will be no confusion for him and you stand a better chance of him staying safe. Equally teach your kid to check nobody is around before they start to swing or slide.

It won't be foolproof, kids forget and get excited, but a combo of good habits and watchful eyes should do the trick. Most of the time.

I would not have yelled at you if it had been my 8 yo. Not least because I think the less he sees of adults resorting to yelling and insulting the better, and I do remember the high pressure days of parenting a teeny tiny. I'd have taken care of my kid who no doubt would have been upset, in part because some strange woman was yelling at him and also cos his own mum was lurking and aware he had forgotten the "no sliding with child shaped obstructions at the bottom of the slide" rule.

But is worth remembering that your protective instinct regarding your kid is not unique, and you'll still feel protective of him when he is bit bigger and some random adult starts yelling at him. Which is probably why she went off on you, in the same way you went off on her son.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 02/08/2011 17:11

No, but you woild expect an 8 year old to be able to follow simple rules whereas a 15 month old is just learning. And there would have been far more damage done to the baby than the boy.

Original poster

IAmTheCookieMonster · 02/08/2011 17:11

I never implied that my toddler has precedence on the slide, he was playing on it while noone else was, and when someone else wanted it I instantly went to remove him. I should have been nearer.

OP posts:

2shoes · 02/08/2011 17:12

the 8 year old boy did nothing wrong, he is innocent of all charges,
the op's baby was the villan, obviously the baby should know which end to mount a slide.

loopylou6 · 02/08/2011 17:12

Oh my. If you'd of screamed at my child like that I wouldn't be responsible for my actions, you got off lightly. Good on you for apologizing though. :)

GandTiceandaslice · 02/08/2011 17:25

YABU.
Why the blind panic?

qwepoi · 02/08/2011 17:26

yanbu - eight year old should have checked. Other woman wbu - if my 3 year old had been about to slide onto a baby I would have been appologising to you and chastising my child. Let alone an 8 yo. Also I can't believe anyone of any age slides down a slide without looking at the bottom, it's where your face points!. I often tell children off in the playground 'that's not a nice thing to do' 'you must not do that' in my sternest voice. They generally look horrified and as if they haven't been told off before - which I guess they haven't judging by their thoughtlessness.

qwepoi · 02/08/2011 17:27

IME you do need to follow toddlers very carefully around playgrounds all the time though!

BooyHoo · 02/08/2011 17:29

you and the 8 year old are pretty much guilty of the samr crime. he didn't control his impulse to slide and you didn't control your impulse to yell at him. given that he is 8 and you are significantly more than 8, i think it's fair that you got a bit more of a bollocking than him. his action luckily didn't hurt anyone. if only there had been someone hovering about to catch the words before they left your mouth

JemimaMuddledUp · 02/08/2011 17:30

YABU.

When your PFB is 8 see how you feel when a stranger shouts at him and calls him stupid.

Yes, the boy should have checked before coming down the slide but you shouldn't have let your toddler play in a potentially dangerous place.

joric · 02/08/2011 17:33

Tanif joric I can assure you that 8 year olds are completely and blissfully unaware of their surroundings. Hence there are so many of them around that age that dart out into the road in front of my car when I'm driving into my street.

tanif, I can assure you that not all 8 year olds are completely and blissfully unaware of their surroundings.
Sorry but he should be taught to be aware of and consider others - unless it's his own private play park that is.

bubblesincoffee · 02/08/2011 17:36

But he shouldn't have been playing on the slide when no one else was. the bottom of the slide is not for playing on. they are for sliding on, and that's what the other boys was doing.

You should be in the process of teaching him that, even at 15 months, not just letting play there while hoping for the best.

All these people saying that their childen know at three not to slide when there is someone at the bottom is pointless. i work in a pre school, obviously we teach the no sliding when someone is at the bottom rule and the don't stand at the bottom rule.

They all know the rule. They all know the possible consequenses. It doesn't mean we don't have to repeat the rules every single time the slide is used. Children get excited and forget.

This little boy was a child and completely blameless. You on the other hand allowed your child to not follow a rule, sat too far away to do anything about it, and then try to justify your dispicable actions.

DogsBestFriend · 02/08/2011 17:37

You should have prevented your son from climbing onto a piece of equipment not suited to his age group. No excuse for you doing it. The 8 yo should have waited until your DS had moved/been moved. No excuse for a NT 8 yo not to.

No issue with you calling him stupid.. he was. What the feck is this idea that you mustn't tell the little darlings that they're stupid even if they have just compromised a small child's safety? Maybe if people were a little more outspoken/strict with children this sort of thing would be less likely to happen.

My DC would have waited for you to remove your DS, I've no doubt about that, that's the way they were raised. But, had they not you wouldn't have needed to tell them they had been stupid, I'd have got there first.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 02/08/2011 17:38

I think that this was a non event and really not worth the angst.

A little boy was thoughtless
YOu were rude but aplogised
No one was hurt
The 8 year old's mother was cross but didnt slap you.

See the way you felt when you saw your child look like it was going to be hurt is exactly how that 8 year old's mother felt when she saw a grown woman shouting at her child.

That is why she gave you a mouthful.

I dont think anyone was particularly unreasonable. I think you all reacted in a perfectly natural way given the circumstances but its over.

I think yabvvu for shaking and crying over this. Not that I dont feel sympathy but blimey moses you have years of this sort of thing ahead of you. If you are overthinking this now you are going to go menkle by the time your kid is 8.

BooyHoo · 02/08/2011 17:42

the issue with calling him a stupid boy, is that he isn't a stupid boy. he did a stupid thing but he is not a stupid boy. label the behaviour, not the child. OP could have said, "you did a stupid thing" but she didn't she labelled a child as stupid for being as careless with her child as she was already being. for all she knows this child is having difficulty in school and being called stupid is the last thing he needed to hear. i have a big issue with calling children stupid.

Popbiscuit · 02/08/2011 17:42

8 year olds SHOULD know better than to go down a slide when there's a toddler at the bottom; My 9, 6 and 4 year olds know to wait if there's someone at the bottom and I'd go MENTAL if they slid down anyway.

However; playgrounds are meant for kids of all ages to let off steam and at 15 months you HAVE to helicopter your child at the playground. It's probably the hardest stage of parenting in that you can't let your guard down for a minute. You really don't get any opportunity when out in a public place with a child of this age to "sit back and watch". It does get better though and I think we can all say that we've had some sort of altercation and hurt feelings at the playground. Never mind.

vividgingerchilli · 02/08/2011 17:42

YANBU for worrying, YABU for called him stupid and she was NBU if she spoke to you about calling her son stupid.
But you were worried and we all sometimes do the wrong thing when we are worried, you apologised and tried to put it right.

Groovee · 02/08/2011 17:44

If you'd called either of my children stupid, you'd have got a telling off making you feel like my child felt. The way you reacted to the child going to the top of the slide, is how the mother felt at some randomer in the park calling her son "stupid."

At 15 months my 2 were only just walking and there's no way they would have been left to wander round the park without me being with them. Would it have been a child swinging on a swings fault if they'd smacked in to your son who was wandering round the park? Maybe you need to be more vigilant and helicopter parenting rather than sitting on a seat.

LemonDifficult · 02/08/2011 17:44

YABU and PFB and out of control. An eight year old boy! He's not responsible for your child, you are.

Sorry, I know you're in tears but you're in the wrong and this is a lesson.

Lou222 · 02/08/2011 17:45

You clearly didn't react quickly enough if you just started running over as he was coming down the slide, so your fault.
Did you not see him approach the slide ?
Climb up the slide?

halcyondays · 02/08/2011 17:58

Obviously children should be taught to watch out for younger children etc etc but you cannot rely on them always remembering the rules when they are playing. When they are very young you do need to helicopter them at the park, I used to be constantly chasing them, making sure they didn't get hurt by running in front of swings,or try to climb on the roundabout when it was going really fast. They should be discouraged from playing at the bottom of the slide although when they are young they all seem to want to try to climb up slides, you need to be right beside them. You can't assume other children will always be watching out for toddlers.

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 02/08/2011 18:00

You made a mistake, but you are unlikely to do so again.. You need to be within lunging distance at all times when out and about. Your child, your responsibility
Let's hope you don't meet the other mother again for a few years, the boy will forgive much more quickly.

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