playground confrontation - am i totally wrong or just a bit?

[IAmTheCookieMonster]

I'ver just got back from the playground with my 15 month ds and am actually in tears over an incident that occurred. I hold my hands up to the fact that I didn't handle it very well but I want to know if I was totally in the wrong or not.

My ds was playing on a wooden grasshopper, which was totally suitable for his age. I was sitting on a nearby dragonfly watching him. He then wandered over to the big slide and was standing on the bottom, I was aware of what he was doing and the slide was empty.

A boy (i'd say between 8 and 10) went to the top of the slide so I went to get ds off the bottom, but he started sliding. I ran up to the slide (probably screaming because i was in a blind panic) "my baby, you stupid boy you don't go down a slide when there is a baby at the bottom". his mum then came over from the other side of the playground and had a go at me saying that I should have ds under control and that it wasn't her son's fault. I said that you shouldn't go down a slide unless it is clear. Anyway, I went and apologised to her son - I said that I was sorry I upset him, I was in a panic and that I was wrong.

Maybe I should have been helicoptering ds, but I went to get him down as soon as the boy wanted the slide. When I was a kid it was drummed into me that you wait for the slide to be clear before you go down. I definitely shouldn't have called him a stupid boy, I know that.

[ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin]

My DS once drop-kicked a toddler by accident, DS was on the swings and toddler ran in front as he came forwards. Toddlers are not very aerodynamic, and yes, the mother blamed DS.
I also pointed out her error.

[5inthebed]

I'm with MrsDevere, total non event. You were in the wrong calling the boy stupid though, I'd have given you a right earful had you said that to my 8 year old.

It's a park, don't the other children to walk around all polite and pippip. Children get over excited in those surrounings, as you will learn when your DC are older.

[revolutionscoop]

I'm ashamed to admit that when I was in a similar situation a few years ago, I too called a child of about 9 a 'stupid girl!' in a very cross voice. At the time, I don't think I was even entirely aware of what I was saying, I was in such a state of shock and panic. Afterwards, like you, I was very contrite and realised that whilst the child had been careless, my response had been totally OTT. I actually felt slightly sick with embarrassment and remorse for the rest of the afternoon. Significantly, whilst I have been in comparable situations since (most recently just yesterday!) I have never reacted like that since.

[SpottyFrock]

I'm probably going to out myself with this but my dd2 has a front tooth missing where she walked in front of a child on a swing which knocked her into a metal railing next to the swings. The child on the swing was about 6 or 7yrs. Dd was screaming and there was blood everywhere. Everyone was a little upset and I was crying like a baby but it wasn't the child's fault it was dd's for walking in front of the swing and mine for not watching my 18mth old carefully enough.

So, yanbu for being upset but you were totally unreasonable to call an 8yr old child stupid. I would have been livid if you had spoken to my 7yr old like that.
Incidentally, I think they are much better at checking and waiting when they are 3 or 4 than when they are 7 or 8!

[Feminine]

I had a similar thing happen to me recently.

We still have helta -skelters (sp) where I live ,DS7 was coming down (of course it is impossible to see the bottom. Some small toddlers started climbing up from the bottom ...and of course all the bigger kids 6/7 came down fast on one of the toddlers.

Mum had been busy chatting with her friend ,and she failed to get her toddler away ...I couldn't get there as I was too busy keeping my 2 year old out of harms way...blah blah ...

The mother then decided to lay in to my son ,he would have had no idea that any little ones were at the bottom and was upset and shocked.

I told the Mother she shouldn't have let her 'baby' anywhere near such massive play things ...she was a bit annoyed and the afternoon went on!

Not really sure why I gave this example ,I guess just to show that these type of things happen all the time.

sometimes we are the Mum of the smallest one ,other times not :)

Don't worry anymore ...its all done and dusted!

[Mitmoo]

Just learn from it playgrounds are ironically very dangerous places. At 10 years old I went up the slide instead of down it, gave myself a clap for being so very clever and promply fell off it breaking a bone. Doh at me.

You have to watch a child of that age like a hawk in the playground, they are so damned quick. The one I feared most was son getting behind a swing and getting hit, that could be really serious.

And excited children having fun don't always think.

At that age you do need to helicopter in a playground. Great phrase by the way.

[verytellytubby]

I'd have been livid if you'd called one of my sons stupid.

[SpottyFrock]

I also want to add that unless you work with children that age then the boy was probably 6 rather than 8-10!

The number of times I've heard mothers of babies/toddlers talk about 8-10yr olds when the child is actually 5 or 6 is amazing. If I didn't teach, I'd probably think the same. They all seem like enormous monsters when your oldest child is a little one.

[DialsMavis]

If you spoke to my 8 year old like that I would have been absolutely livid. He is a little boy and does not deserve to be bullied by a grown woman. I hate it when parents of babies let them be a nuisance and get in the way when elder children are playing. These tend to be the same people who complain about older children going areas specifically designed for younger children.

I remember when my PFB was small; taking him up into the bigger kids area at softplay and helping him totter around whilst glaring at the huge monsters thundering past and taking no notice of my dear little DS. God how I cringe now! DD will be kept in age apropriate areas until she can play properly and hold her own on the apparatus designed for older children

[macdoodle]

Sorry another YABU. You dont let little ones play at the bottom of a slide, how do they learn that is a potentially dangerous place then. Sounds to me like you werent supervising close enough, and I would have been absolutely furious with you.
You could easily have shouted "move you stupid little baby" to your OWN child, why did you choose to insult someone elses.
Would you have liked it if the other mother had screamed that at your child before her son went down the slide?
A pet hate of mine is parents who think their perfect little ones take precedence over every other child in the playground.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Yabu, you need to supervise such a young toddler more carefully

[zeeboo]

You were in the wrong IMO. I have a 10 yr old son and a 14 month old DD and can see both sides but my baby wouldn't be at the bottom of a slide without me being in arms reach and if anyone shouted at my son and called
Him names while he was playing on the equipment designed for his
Age group and not babies, id have given you a large piece of my mind.

[ajaybaines]

I think you were being totally unreasonable.

This boy could have been far younger than he looked, he could have had special needs. Or he could have been a NT 10 year old who made a mistake.

If an adult made a mistake - say your mother/father/PIL left a cup of tea in your DS' reach and you were across the room and not watching him would you run over screaming that they were stupid?

I'm sorry, but you just sound like a great big bully screaming insults at a child. I'm sorry you were upset by it but your child is YOUR responsibility, you can't just assume that because somebody look like they know to take care around your baby that they actually will.

[Whogivesa]

The older my children get the more I realise how unreasonable I used to be! My eldest is 9 and youngest 4, and I'm sure that the sight if them tearing around a playground sends shivers down the spines of those with littlies. I see it from the other POV now of course, as you will too one day.

You've admitted you were OTT and that you weren't near enough...don't beat yourself up over it. We are all human and as such make mistakes...though we dont all like to admit them!!

[ENormaSnob]

yabu

[Whatmeworry]

YABU to be worried about this :).

This is called Life. One slide-wiser 8 y/o boy, two slightly wiser mums, one 15 m/o with a slightly better appreciation of what to do near a slide.

[crazycatlady]

YANBU to have been upset by this situation occurring. Playground near misses are stressful! But it will happen again and again so you either need to go when it's quieter (i.e. not a sunny day in school holidays) or grow a thick skin and eyes in the back of your head.

[ragged]

I wonder is if the bigger boy was really 8-10yo; I know when PFB was 15m I couldn't judge the ages properly of boys age 5-13. Otherwise I agree with those who say "Non event"

[LiegeAndLief]

Well... I can understand the blind panic, because we were all there once, and I can remember taking toddler ds to the playground and thinking all the 5yo were out-of-control hooligans hell bent on permanently injuring my precious child. Now he is 5, of course, I know that they are little children who just happen to be bigger and louder than the other little children, and am a lot more tolerant of 8yos bashing into my toddler dd by accident.

Regardless, you know it was wrong to shout and scream at another child, even if they had made a mistake. My ds knows to look before he goes down a slide, and 99% of the time he does. Sod's law means the one time he doesn't is the time there is a 15month old baby at the bottom of it..

[spiderpig8]

You said it was a big slide and it was empty.Your DC must have been at a the bottom long enough for a child to approach the slide,climb the 'big' steps and slide down before you saw him.You must realise that it is unsafe for a baby to be loitering about the bottom of a slide. You have to watch your baby like a hawk in any public place, let alone a children's playground for all sorts of reasons.
I think you must know by now that you were bang out of order and one day when your DC is older you will look back at this and cringe.

[LiegeAndLief]

Actually, what I would do in that situation is run over shouting "Ds, move away from the slide!". That draws plenty of attention to the fact that there is a baby at the bottom of the slide without directly accusing anyone else's child. An 8yo should be able to stop themselves or slow down on most slides unless it was a monster. (Slide, not child).

[Letz]

YABU for using he term "helicoptering" fgs who made that shite up?

[RedHotPokers]

OP YWVVU.

You were 'stupid' to allow your young toddler to be at the bottom of the slide.
The 8yo was 'stupid' to slide down onto your DS.

However you are an ADULT, so if its anyone's fault its yours.

I am also confused as to how the 8yo managed to get to the top of the slide and start coming down without you managing to either shout to your DS to move, or move him yourself.

It is only helicoptering if you are hovering unnecessarily. The bottom of the slide and the front and back on the swings are dangerous when there are other children about.