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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

playground confrontation - am i totally wrong or just a bit?

120 replies

IAmTheCookieMonster · 02/08/2011 16:24

I'ver just got back from the playground with my 15 month ds and am actually in tears over an incident that occurred. I hold my hands up to the fact that I didn't handle it very well but I want to know if I was totally in the wrong or not.

My ds was playing on a wooden grasshopper, which was totally suitable for his age. I was sitting on a nearby dragonfly watching him. He then wandered over to the big slide and was standing on the bottom, I was aware of what he was doing and the slide was empty.

A boy (i'd say between 8 and 10) went to the top of the slide so I went to get ds off the bottom, but he started sliding. I ran up to the slide (probably screaming because i was in a blind panic) "my baby, you stupid boy you don't go down a slide when there is a baby at the bottom". his mum then came over from the other side of the playground and had a go at me saying that I should have ds under control and that it wasn't her son's fault. I said that you shouldn't go down a slide unless it is clear. Anyway, I went and apologised to her son - I said that I was sorry I upset him, I was in a panic and that I was wrong.

Maybe I should have been helicoptering ds, but I went to get him down as soon as the boy wanted the slide. When I was a kid it was drummed into me that you wait for the slide to be clear before you go down. I definitely shouldn't have called him a stupid boy, I know that.

OP posts:

Catslikehats · 02/08/2011 16:43

"unreasonable to let a toddler hang out in such a dangerous place

it was the bottom of a slide not a drug den!

OP don't worry - you were unreasonable to call the boy stupid (even though he was) but you apologised and life goes on

smallwhitecat · 02/08/2011 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

piprabbit · 02/08/2011 16:45

A child who has been at school for the last 4 or 5 years should have got the hang of taking turns, not playing dangerously and waiting for the slide to be clear.

Also, it is never to young to start teaching a toddler not to play at the bottom of a slide.

Your language was unreasonable - but no one was hurt and I wouldn't dwell on it if I were you.

Chandon · 02/08/2011 16:46

you were in the wrong.

but you said sorry, so let it go now.

pictish · 02/08/2011 16:47

Btw - I have a 9 year old son, a 3 year old son, and a 2 year old daughter, so I see it from both points of view.

YWU to speak to that boy like that. The big slide isn't for babies, it's for older children. YOU were the one who should have been more aware.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 02/08/2011 16:47

My 3.5yo would never go down a slide if there is someone on the bottom as it has been drummed into him, he will always wait patiently at the top for people to clear it, so YANBU to not be happy that this 8yo didn't wait.
But YABU to have called him a "stupid boy".
It was good of you to apologise but you need to keep your lo away from the bigger equipment.

bananasplitz · 02/08/2011 16:48

you are being unreasonable

your kid shouldnt have been at the bottom of a slide, or you should have been near enough to lift him off

a slide is for sliding down and thats what the other kid was doing

joric · 02/08/2011 16:48

veggie...'8 year old lads don't go around checking for babies and toddlers before they use play equipment! '

They should though.

pictish · 02/08/2011 16:49

But they don't.

Ormirian · 02/08/2011 16:50

Bloody hell! I'd be very annoyed if you had yelled that at my son

Maybe the lad didn't see your son.

Tanif · 02/08/2011 16:50

joric I can assure you that 8 year olds are completely and blissfully unaware of their surroundings. Hence there are so many of them around that age that dart out into the road in front of my car when I'm driving into my street.

you · 02/08/2011 16:52

Smallwhitecat- Indeed, so would I, if the reaction of OP hadn't been to scream and call my DD/DS stupid. I hate the word stupid and I'd be so so angry if someone used it on my children.

Other than that YANBU, I would've panicked too.

usualsuspect · 02/08/2011 16:53

8 year olds just run about and play when in a playground ,just exactly like they should

OP never mind ,you were wrong but these things happen

BooyHoo · 02/08/2011 16:53

sorry but i do think you were totally wrong. good that you apologised but i dont think this mum was wrong for laying into you after you screamed at her 8 year old that he was a stupid boy. i would have been furious at you if it had been my child you said that too.

Teachermumof3 · 02/08/2011 16:55

I think some parents of toddlers forget that 8 year olds are still boys, too-he was probably very upset by being called that. Fast forward a few years and picture your child in that position. Yelling at a boy that he is stupid is horrid-he did a careless thing, but isn't stupid!

Yes, the 8 year old should always check the slide before going down, but tbh, you should always prevent your toddler standing on a slide-that's bound to end in tears! A slide is for sliding down.

You talk about 'helipcopter parenting' in a slightly dismissive way, but if you're taking a toddler to a playpark where there are big kids (as there will inevitably be)-you absolutely have to be right behind them.

I'm glad you apologised :)

BooyHoo · 02/08/2011 16:56

btw i dont get why you were in tears. is it with your own self you are annoyed at or did the woman have so much of a go at you that you cried?

Original poster

IAmTheCookieMonster · 02/08/2011 16:59

I was annoyed with myself, I like to think of myself as a very reasonable person, but she told me off like I was a child.

OP posts:

smallwhitecat · 02/08/2011 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

maypole1 · 02/08/2011 17:00

Yes I think you were a bit much bigger children do forget that smaller ones are not as tuff as they are I am always having so say to my older son

Sheeee is only five be careful please when their playing

You probably frightened him he was only 8 dear god I think you could of handled that a lot better

HeadfirstForHalos · 02/08/2011 17:01

My 3.7 year old knows to not come down the slide if someone is at the bottom! As do my my others aged 5, 7 and 8.

You were wrong to let a 15 month old play at the bottom of the slide, and to yell at the boy, but you know that and apologosed.

If I had been the other mum I'd have made sure my dc apologised too.

smallwhitecat · 02/08/2011 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Flatstomachenomore · 02/08/2011 17:04

Totally out of order to talk to the child in that way. I would have spoken to my ds about it later, but my immediate reaction would have been to DISCUSS the incident with you!

The other child is just that...a child, you on the other hand are an adult presumably?

pictish · 02/08/2011 17:05

I would generally make my son apologise too, in those circumstances...but after 'you stupid boy!' was delivered, she could go sing for an apology.

bubblesincoffee · 02/08/2011 17:05

YABVU, and if you had dared to call my child stupid, I would have really laid into you. How dare you do that and then want to know how wrong you were! Any good you did is blown out totally by that in my opinion. Calling children names is something you just don't do, and it is disgusting that you are trying to justify it because a child broke a rule.

The child should have looked before he slid, but you should have stopped your child standing at the bottom of the slide.

You said it was drummed into you that you had to look before going down a slide, but that rule is no more important that the don'tr stand at the bottom of the slide rule.

This boy is a child, who made a mistake. What's yoru excuse for allowing your child to stand at the bottom of the slide in the first place.

Your one year old is not more important than an 8 year old.

pictish · 02/08/2011 17:07

"You said it was drummed into you that you had to look before going down a slide, but that rule is no more important that the don'tr stand at the bottom of the slide rule.

This boy is a child, who made a mistake. What's yoru excuse for allowing your child to stand at the bottom of the slide in the first place.

Your one year old is not more important than an 8 year old."

That ^^ basically.

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