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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still be annoyed about this, given that she hasnt apologised

38 replies

knittynoodle · 31/07/2011 22:16

SIL took DS, 7mo, in a forward facing car seat last week. Hes 7mo but is very very small, 16lbs, way too small for a forward facing seat and its my belief she just couldnt be arsed to change the seats over. I was ill and she was taking my DS to his nans.

Im annoyed frankly and when I found out I went mad at DP (who knew he was in the FF seat) and I feel so Angry because their justification was that they didnt know - despite her son being 18mo himself. Its your business to know if you have a child and a car! DP is still in the dog house because I hold a grudge. Blush

Anyway, shes now got MIL to have a talk with me about it, as apparently "the seat was fine as it was a combination seat and you can use them either way" and I "needed to be corrected".

Im still fuming because she blatantly made a mistake but I wasnt going to say anything until MIL 'corrected' me. The weight limits are written on the seat. Shes got her own child and one on the way so should know, and now shes making out like I'M the one who is stupid. I just think if you make a mistake you should apologise, not try to wiggle out of it. ANYWAY...

AIBU to write her a brief, non agressive message just putting her right, and including a link to the correct regulations. Im not likely to see her and the thought her own new baby could be put into the FF seat worries me even more!

OP posts:
festi · 31/07/2011 22:20

I think that would be U and the responsibilty lays with your dp and her. so if I were you I would probably let this drop her.

festi · 31/07/2011 22:21

and not her

Mammie81 · 31/07/2011 22:23

Id email like you said, but make sure you dont come over aggressive. You arent in the wrong and shes making out that you are. Yes your DP should be in trouble too, but the driver has the ultimate responsibility.

thisisyesterday · 31/07/2011 22:24

no yanbu. i'd have probably left if if she hadn't insisted that you needed to be "corrected"
it IS unsafe, and I would tell her so. even if it is a combination seat, it will have weight limits for when it can be turned forward facing

i would be absolutely fuming with the pair of them

mrsnesbit · 31/07/2011 22:25

yababu, it should be your dh that discusses this with her.
Lucky you having some one to take care of your child when you are ill.
I know that this doesnt excuse what you see as dangerous and irrisponsible behaviour, but she was doing you a favour and truth be told...she may well have forgotton about the rules.
Get your dh to speak with her, now THAT is non confrontational.

GreenEyesandHam · 31/07/2011 22:30

YABU to consider writing an email.

If you still feel strongly about it, say it to her face. Don't email for chrissakes! Have you actually spoken to her about it at all?

Original poster
knittynoodle · 31/07/2011 22:30

I dont think doing me a favour = ok to take risks with someone elses baby. Sorry Nesbit.

DP spoke to her on the day it happened. She was flippant and said "How should I know" or somesuch.

OP posts:
Original poster
knittynoodle · 31/07/2011 22:31

I havent seen her. I have just had a talking to from MIL.

OP posts:
GreenEyesandHam · 31/07/2011 22:32

Phone?

Original poster
knittynoodle · 31/07/2011 22:34

I have called her about 7 times in my life and she has never answered me once. She certainly wouldnt answer me now!

OP posts:
hayleysd · 31/07/2011 22:34

Are you sure he was facing forward and she didn't turn it round and that's what she means by you needing to be corrected?

Mammie81 · 31/07/2011 22:35

Sorry but I dont think the onus is on YOU to call her. She made a mistake, the onus is on HER to apologise/explain. And it sounds like shes getting her mum to fight her battles for her.

StewieGriffinsMom · 31/07/2011 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeatherSmall · 31/07/2011 22:46

Is there any chance that the seat faces both ways and she did turn it around for your little one ? Could it be a misunderstanding ?

Original poster
knittynoodle · 31/07/2011 23:11

I know for sure he was driven like that. I was sent a photo.

OP posts:
Danthe4th · 31/07/2011 23:16

I would let it go, is it really worth the agro. But if they take ds again then tell them to use the correct seat.
If it was me I would have killed my DH as he knew that his ds was not in the correct seat.

issey6cats · 31/07/2011 23:21

small at 7 months and 16lbs, my daughter only wheighed 18lbs at 12 months , in the 70s and early 80s when mine were little there wernt all the fancy car seats you can get now, youngest sat in a hard seat with metal arms that,slung over the back of the car seat with two metal hook things with bog standard reigns to keep him in place and somehow they all survived, so modern moms be glad that car seats now are so good

StewieGriffinsMom · 31/07/2011 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mammie81 · 31/07/2011 23:28

Issey, I dont think any of that makes it ok. We didnt know that asbestos gave you cancer in the 1960's. We do now. Learning is good. This woman needs to learn, especially if shes having another baby. I think sending her the information is a good move, for the baby's sake.

BluddyMoFo · 31/07/2011 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notlettingthefearshow · 31/07/2011 23:31

Could be a misunderstanding. Can't believe they would both do it if they had any doubts the seat was safe. They must feel very hurt if you've made it clear you don't trust them?

Let it go for this time, but next time make it clear to DH who must in turn make sure MIL follows instructions. If you can't trust your DH, there are bigger issues here.

Mammie81 · 31/07/2011 23:32

Why do some people think its ok that if someone else takes your 'kid' you should be eternally grateful whatever they do.

If she'd tied him to the roof, would it be ok because OP should have taken him herself.

issey6cats · 31/07/2011 23:37

stewie i meant all my kids survived, and yes the legislation and modern car seats are definitely for the best, i was trying to say that todays parents are lucky that they have all the equipment to keep kids safe, am amazed at how we managed to keep ours safe given that most cars then didnt even have rear seat belts and it wasnt compulsary for even front seat folks to wear one but agree that if asked to put the baby in a rear facing seat then SIL should have done so

HeatherSmall · 31/07/2011 23:40

I remember in 1986 my baby brothers being driven on the back seat with my 6 year old sister holding them whilst mum had a fag and I got told off for winding down the windows as the baby would get cold. I don't think we want to hold the 70's and 80's up as an example.

Original poster
knittynoodle · 31/07/2011 23:46

Im actually hurt that shes tried to weazle out of it and has had her mum talk to me instead. As the driver she had a duty of care for my DS. Id be so careful with someone elses child in my car, I cant believe she was so slapdash and is still defiant about it :(

OP posts: